Anxiety during pregnancy…

[Magic_waiting2happen]

How do you deal with the anxiety as you progress through pregnancy?! After wanting this for so long and being through such a tough journey, I keep expecting things to go wrong! We are 12 weeks tomorrow and have a scan Sat. I worry my symptoms are subsiding as well as coming off the fertility drugs. Can anyone help or provide any advice? I do really want to enjoy and embrace this pregnancy rather than worry the whole time!

[Fruitandflowers]

I was really anxious/expecting the worst until probably early in my third trimester, when I think I just went to a 'normal' level of first time pregnancy anxiety, and not the off the chart type that seems to be for those who've had fertility problems and losses... I had lots of extra private scans, also NHS ones and biopsies because I was bleeding, and all the results came back fine. I was told to just start thinking of it as a 'normal, boring' pregnancy. But I still worried about reduced symptoms (as much as I wanted the nausea to end, I panicked if I felt mildly ok one day), then later not feeling movement (totally normal), then intermittent movement, reduced movement... I refused to buy or let anyone buy me any baby stuff in case it jinxed it and I found it unrelatable when people asked if I was 'enjoying' my pregnancy. So no tips from me (except don't be like me if you can avoid it) but also you can't worry your baby away or do any damage by being anxious - I have already done that experiment/been the anxiety petri dish for you - so at least let thoughts like that slide away

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to Fruitandflowers]

Thank you! Yes that’s the same as me! I have had to private scans already at 7 and 9 weeks and it reassures me for a little bit and then I go into another spiral! Hopefully after my scan on sat I may feel a bit more secure?! Xx

[Fruitandflowers in reply to Magic_waiting2happen]

The scans really helped me but yes the relief was temporary with the early ones. The 12 week scan was good and then the 20 week one, as they are very thorough and long - almost to the point where you could get a bit bored! Plus the midwives will start to check the heartbeat and hearing that occasionally at appointments was reassuring. It also really helped when I started to feel more regular movement - turns out I have an anterior placenta which meant I didn't feel anything until later and what I did feel was pretty light and intermittent for a long time - that worried me at first but all normal apparently and now I am being regularly kicked and punched really hard all the time - it's not exactly comfortable but it's very reassuring. So I think with each milestone you'll start to feel better, even if not totally relaxed.

[CJohns]

I echo the above. A friend bought me a baby rattle teddy as a ‘congrats’ gift, and I hate that it’s in my house😢.Although it ended up being natural for me, I still have the anxiety that if something goes wrong, I will be put back on the ivf waiting list and I will still be childless - also will be suffering with the grief. Each milestone has made it a little easier.. scan at 9 weeks, 12 weeks and then heart beat heard at 16.

The only thing that has really eased my anxiety is that my tummy is getting a little bigger, which gives me the reassurance that good things are happening.

Someone posted a link for a miscarriage calculator on here a while back ( datayze.com/miscarriage-rea... ) and although it makes me a bit ocd, seeing the risk go down does help xx

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to CJohns]

Thank you - that calculator helps a little doesn’t it?! Good luck with your journey! Xx

[sun-and-rain]

I couldn't say I suffered from any anxiety during my first pregnancy which gave me my son, but I could never 100% settle that there wouldn't be any incident making me lose it during the long months' wait. Now I'm also a midwife, so I have all the medical knowledge on top if my own fight, so that made me more relaxed in some senses (I was less worried for things other worry about), but also more aware of the many things which could possibly go wrong at any moment (maybe more worried about certain things than most women). First half of the pregnancy was mostly a pain. Not physically, but mentally. I forced myself to go to work 50% for three months, and that took me soooo low psychologically. People asked me if I enjoyed being pregnant, and I just answered that I hoped I would eventually... After half way through I was given 100% sick leave, and that saved my mental health the rest of the pregnancy (the reason it didn't work to continue working was that I suffer from a kind of progesterone induced fatigue, kind of a pregnancy ME, so the work itself wasn't a problem for my mental health, but running out of energy so badly each and every day, took me far, far down). But even so, the last week of pregnancy was among the worst when it came to fears. Had an appointment with my prenatal midwife the Monday the week I was due, and I was crying the whole half an hour. I was so afraid something should happen to my baby, and I didn't even notice because he was in my womb. Thankfully everything went well ❤ And I hope that I'll be able to enjoy this pregnancy I've just started a little more. Having been granted 100% sick leave for the rest of the pregnancy helps a lot to ease my mind, hoping that I then will be able to rest when I need to and to better save energy to what counts and needs my efforts.

[Magic_waiting2happen]

Thank you for your reply! Sorry to hear it hasn’t been plain sailing for you but you feel better now you are off on sick leave. Best wishes for the rest of your journey! Xx

[Pupster83]

I am 25 weeks and I think think the anxiety does start to go down a bit. I’ve gone from worrying about symptoms, bleeds and desperately waiting for the next scan to worrying that the baby hasn’t moved enough some days and drinking cold water, eating something sweet, lying on my left just to try and make it move. Thankfully my husband is much more laid back than me and very good and calming me down and make me think rationally about things. If I begin to worry I now try to remind myself that up to 26 weeks babies can still have quieter days, the hospital have told me my placenta is well stretched out across the front of my belly which will cushion a lot of movement to the front and I’m also realising that if I’m sitting working I feel the baby on and off all day so it is probably doing the same most days, it’s just if I’m busy and doing things I’m not aware of it to the same extent. If this is the only time I’m going to be pregnant I want to try and enjoy it so I think you have to try and find ways that works for you to relieve the stress. I didn’t want to buy maternity clothes to start and I didn’t really allow myself to get excited or feel it was real until after the 20 week scan but now we have been to look at prams and some friends have dropped off some books and hand me downs (they’ve been out away in a cupboard for now but I’m ok with having them) and I feel much happier about it all. I still worry about things but I do feel I am actually managing to enjoy being pregnant now too which is nice. Good luck! Xx

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to Pupster83]

Thank you so much for your reply! Your right I just have to find something that works for me - good luck with the rest of your journey! X

[Chiefy]

I was exactly the same, it honestly just takes time. Every time you hit a new "milestone" in your pregnancy it gets a bit easier, and then once you can feel them move and you are hearing their heartbeat every few weeks with the midwife I found my anxiety settled down.

In the early days I found that reminding myself that for now I am pregnant helped. Worrying about loss won't cause a loss and all I was doing was worrying about something that hadn't happened rather than enjoying what was happening.

It will get easier!

Congratulations xx

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to Chiefy]

Completely! That’s it! I know the logical part of my brain is like there is no need to worry it’s all good but the emotional part is just stuck on all that previous bad stuff! Thank you! X

[MofM]

I agree with everyone that posted above. I am now 18 weeks, sometimes I feel my twins moving (but are they really my twins moving?!?) but I am still very nervous. We haven't told anyone if not people that must know (like my boss and closer co-workers), immediate family (parents/siblings) and very close friends (those from high school, and not even all of them). We are scared that everything will jinx it and we will not buy anything until the very last moment.

I must say that after the 12-week scan and now that (I think) I can feel them, things are a bit better, but I am far from enjoying my pregnancy -- which is a pity because as someone said above, this will be my only one.

Fertility UK is organising a meeting for discussing how to cope with anxiety after infertility, perhaps you want to join? fertilitynetworkuk.org/even...

xxx

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to MofM]

Thank you - I have got the details for the zoom meeting so think that will really help meeting people in the same boat. After the scan at the weekend I’m hoping that it will relax me a little! X

[Jana483]

Honestly I felt better when they started kicking around 18 weeks, I can feel them physically.

[Hidden]

You’ve already had lots of lovely replies but just to say I gave myself time in the day when I would let myself properly worry and then say right that’s enough I’m going to park that for now and focus on x y I can worry about this again later on. It sort of helped me pace myself through the pregnancy. Some how it didn’t derail me… I also didn’t worry about enjoying my pregnancy as I quickly realised how uncomfortable it all was 😅 so that took the pressure in that way! Good luck with it !!!

[Magic_waiting2happen in reply to Hidden]

Haha that’s a good strategy! I may start to use that! Today has been nausea and slight back pain so am trying to embrace that! X

[Bozo_the_pumpkin]

Tomorrow I will be 23 weeks and still feel anxious even though I can feel her move now and again. I have an anterior placenta which covers the front of my belly so. Don’t always feel her😬 don’t have any advice on how to stop worrying but I think it gets better and better the further you go.. it is very reassuring to look at the stats of miscarriage and still births at the stage of pregnancy you’re in.. very nice to see how the chances of something going wrong gets smaller and smaller. I also find time in the day to worry and stress and then leave it for the rest of the day. It helps with managing the anxiety and preventing it from taking over, but it takes practice to get it right. Good luck xx It will all go well 🤞🏽🤞🏽