How can I help my granddaughter 3 years 4 months who withholds urine and fears passing faeces on the toilet?

[Coldsunday]

I've looked at many of the posts on this site. It's so helpful to read others experiences. My granddaughter is active, bright and very articulate. She's a chatterbox and will talk about her feelings but not about why she won't use the toilet.

We're had a couple of failed toilet training events despite following all the behavioural/ diet/fluid tips and using lactulose(she won't have movicol) to keep the stool soft.

When wearing a nappy she will stand, with 'banana' legs as she witholds the stool. She tells us when she's going to have a wee in her nappy but resists ant attempt to get her to the toilet.

The end result of low dose lactulose was a very soft stool that she past even when breaking wind and a urine infection which had to be treated on a couple of occasions with antibiotics, despite being really careful with hygiene. We've discontinued the lactulose and her stool is still soft but she just seems to be unable to break the habit of tightening and holding.

Presently she will sit on the toilet before a bath and we've had some small bowel movements and occasionally successful wees. She's terrified of the sensation of her bowel emptying and still tries to hold it in despite leaning forwards/blowing etc.

Perhaps it just takes time and we need to be patient but I wondered about the use of a stimulant for a short period. I know its easy to become dependant on them so are they a last resort.

Thanks

[Yaleamanda]

Have a look at the Eric website there is a wealth of information on this subject there.

[ERIC-Charity Partner]

Dear Coldsunday I would advise calling the helpline so that you can receive further advice on treating constipation and support with withholding. You may also find some of our webinars useful - having relaxed toilet sits help to support children alongside constipation treatment: eric.org.uk/family-events/ The recorded webinars are at the bottom of the page.

[14crosstitch14]

I did a potty game with dolls/bears lined them up to use potty coloured poo shapes on paper and cut them up. Played a game with it all and put potty in toilet so they can follow you to toilet. Get a good routine, in a morning, then every hr or so. Before and after meals, if their copying you its better. Try a couple prunes/2-3 in cereal. Blue berrie wheats will also help. Grapes/raisins. Lots of fibre she won't be able to withold then.