Autistic 5yo still in nappies

[Mummybear0213]

Hello 👋

First post on this board.

I have 4 kids, 2 diagnosed with Autism. My 5 year old son was diagnosed earlier this year although we knew for a while. He has speech delay and Selective Mutism due to severe anxiety. His anxiety is definitely the root problem which stops him from doing things like talking in certain situations and when it comes to using the toilet.

We've tried potty training a few times, potty and toilet, but he is completely adamant he doesn't want to use them. I managed to get him to wear pants for a week during the summer holidays and eventually he would sit on the toilet but when it came to actually using it he would freak out and get upset so I would leave it at that so he doesn't get anymore upset or scared. But I'm at a loss now, I genuinely feel like he'll always be in nappies.

He started reception in September and I've been called in a few times because he won't allow the staff to change him. He won't even let me change him while he's there in fact. They have an intimate plan in place but he point blank refuses to do anything related to toileting or nappy changing while he's at school!

On top of all that he gets constipated which I've taken him to the GP for but he refuses to take any medicine. They have now referred him to the continence team but I've been told they aren't much help.

I'm at a loss.

[Turquoise3]

Hi Mummybear0213. First time replying to a message on here! I'll mention some ideas that have helped other children I know who have had one or two symptoms that your son has. Whilst I realise they will not all be practical, or that you may already be doing them, I hope something here might be something to try.

Try to have time with your son where he takes the lead in play. (A few minutes every day if possible). Copy or follow his lead to help him feel in control. This can help him feel relaxed and listened to. It may help his speech as well.

Sounds like he's relaxed enough at school to have wet nappies which is great.

Do you think your son has some control of his bladder and bowels to start toilet training?

Show him pictures of step by step routines on using the toilet. (Taking trousers down etc). They can be used in school and at home.

At home, practice pulling clothes up and down and taking nappy off independently. Praise each step eg, high five.

If you feel pull-ups will be easier to gain independence instead of nappies, put one on a big teddy, or other soft toy. Do the same with pants to help him get used to them.

I think there's an information sheet on the Eric website about using a step by step approach to using the toilet for autistic or SEN children. (Sitting on the toilet wearing a nappy), but I realise the first hurdle is getting a child on it.

A commode might be more acceptable to start with, or a toilet seat.

About the laxatives.. maybe your son would drink the flavourless version. I know some can notice the change in consistency!

[ERIC-Charity Partner]

There seems to be a lot going on which is understandbly making things difficult for your son. I would recommend calling or emailing the ERIC helpline so that you can get some personalised advice to help support your son. This can be done by following the details on this page: eric.org.uk/contact/ These links can also provide more support following on from what has been advised below: eric.org.uk/children-who-wi... and eric.org.uk/children-with-a...

[Mummybear0213 in reply to ERIC-Charity]

Thanks so much for the advice, I will call them and see what they suggest.