Nearly four year old holding poo

[Frank4321Time]

Hi all,

Apologies in advance - this is a long one.

First time posting here, as I have stumbled across this site following contact with the ERIC Helpline.

My daughter holds her poo.

Let me explain from the beginning.

My daughter at around 9 months old started getting consipation problems, and after 2 phonecalls with the GP I was told that this is a very common problem, and she was eventually prescribed lactulose. She took this for a few weeks but no avail. She was crying and struggling to pass very large, solid poos.

This went on for a couple of weeks and after another call with the GP they prescribed Cosmocol. She started off with 2 sachets a day and we managed to clear the impaction and gradually over the space of a year and a half we got to normal poos in nappies and down to 1/2 a sachet per day. (Note: She has never been examined by a GP as this was during COVID)

At 2.5 years old we managed to potty train - but only wees. She went into pants full time and she would ask for a nappy when she needed a poo and she would sit in her bedroom with a book and poo in her nappy on the floor and we would clean up and put pants back on. We would ask her if she wanted to sit on the toilet to poo and she would sit on the toilet but she wouldnt actually poo. Although that being said we did try a sticker chart/chocolate rewards which seemed to work once or twice and she has pooped in the toilet only a handful of times over the past year.

This went on for around a year, with only 2 or 3 times has she actually pooped in the toilet and then would refuse to get on the toilet and say that she needed a nappy.

At 3 years old she started playschool, so obviously all her needs were explained to her caregivers, but she rarely needs to poo when she's busy/out so she has never actually asked for a nappy at playschool and just always done it at home in her nappy.

A couple of months ago we had a review phonecall with the GP for her cosmocol, and again I was told that this is a common problem, but just try to encourage her to use the toilet for pooping and carry on with the cosmocol at 1/2 a sachet per day to maintain the softness of her poos.

So the past 3 weeks is where our problems have really begun...

She is now nearly 4, and we decided that over the summer holidays we would attempt to get her pooing on the toilet, and try the reward system again now she is a bit older and her poo's are consistent with no constipation. This is when I called ERIC helpline and got some advice which pointed me in the direction of toilet time.

We started doing toilet time 20-30 minutes after each meal, where she would sit on the toilet or the potty (whichever she chose) and we would have a book, play with a toy, sing or whatever, for 5 or so minutes. For a few days she wanted to have a nappy to sit with. The first couple of days she pooped a tiny bit and she would get a sticker on her chart and a small chocolate or sweet.

After only a couple of days doing this she totally lost interest in whatever toy/book or anything I would try and distract her with. She started saying 'i dont want to play with any toys on the toilet' or 'I don't want to poo, can i do it tomorrow' so obvioulsy I knew at that point she was trying to avoid toilet time.

I tried to switch it up a bit, bubbles / whistles / playing a video on my phone / singing / clapping all to distract, but she didn't want anything, and then started fidgeting on the toilet and whinging.

This has escalated over the past 3 weeeks...

We are now at the point where she is holding poos in.

We still attempt to do toilet time after each meal, but she will say 'i dont need a poo, i dont want toilet time' and will do anything to avoid going to the toilet. (I must say she will quite happily use the toilet to wee and there is never any question or reluctancy about wees).

She will sit on the floor rocking, and will numerous times have smears of poop in her pants.

When I do get her to sit on the potty or toilet, she will juggle her legs around, bounce up and down whilst crying/screaming saying 'i dont want it to come out' (despite me reminding her that it never hurt her when she did it in her nappy and this is just the same) and she point blank refuses to play with any toy. If I try and singto her or anything she will just cry more. Hugging / massaging her belly just aggrevates her more. I know she is aggrevated because the poo is literally knocking on her door to come out but she is doing her best to hold it in. She refuses now to wear a nappy, she wont have anything to do with nappies.

Seeking advise from a friend she is now on 2 sachets of cosmocol per day, and she is taking 3ml of picolax. This has been for the past 3 days.

So now nappies are out the window, she hates pooing, and every toilet visit is a screaming nightmare. We go through multiple pairs of skidmark underwear a day. If she is playing and feels a poo coming she will scream and drop to the floor to prevent it coming out.

If I do get her on the toilet and a little bit of poo has managed to come out and is in her bum, she then thinks that her poo is finished and she doesn't need to do any more. So we are up and down the stairs multiple times an hour.

She held a poo for 9 days and she finally let one go on the potty last night (after a lot of screaming and bouncing on the potty) I feel like the picolax may be getting her going, but obviously we still have a big problem here.

My fear is that this is all having a negative affect on her mentally. This must be so stressful for her.

I also fear that she will get constipated again due to long periods of holding.

What do I do?! Heeeellllp!

[ERIC-Charity Partner]

Hi Frank,

I completely understand this must be really stressful for you. We quite often hear on the helpline about kids who do really well weeing on the potty but withhold their poo all day long. It is important to remember withholding goes hand in hand with constipation which makes the poos physically scary and uncomfortable to pass. Constipation can also affect behaviour!

The laxative regime you outline is not a disimpaction, and using picolax when there is hard poo in the bowel can be very painful and cause extra tummy cramps. Have you heard of disimpaction? This is the only way to treat constipation. You need to disimpact under a GP's guidance so you might like to give them a call.

You might like to read some of these guides in particular to help you. And don't forget out Helpline is open today too

eric.org.uk/pdf-a-parents-g...

eric.org.uk/advice-for-chil...

eric.org.uk/why-do-some-chi...

@ ERIC

[Frank4321Time in reply to ERIC-Charity]

Thanks for the advice. We are now on day 5 of disimpaction and we are at yogurt consistency poos. She is managing to pass something once or twice a day but she is still withholding / denying that she needs to poo. She resists toilet time and will make excuses not to go. I don't want her to see toilet time as a punishment for 'needing to go' but that's how it's ending up, no matter what toys/games we try it's always a negative experience.I can't see how after the disimpaction has happened that things will improve if she's still in the habit of withholding.

Any advice would be much appreciated!

[Lucciola in reply to Frank4321Time]

Hi Frank, I am currently going through this with my son. We are trying disimpaction but struggling to get him to take 6-8 laxido and then finding the right dose of pico. Do you have any updates/reassurance that may help us?