I'm out of ideas: Hi, i don't know why I'm writing this... - ERIC

ERIC
4,417 members1,830 posts

I'm out of ideas

betty76
betty76

Hi, i don't know why I'm writing this really as ive tried everything for 2 years now and I'm pretty sure there's nothing i haven't tried, apart from a toilet training boot camp??!! Do they exist???

I'm so sick of scraping poo off soft play toilet floors and hearing "but i wanted to finish playing" or "it's ok it's just my knickers and tights that are wet".

I've been to the children's centre, spoken to health visitors, school nurse, GP, done SOS toilet training course, parenting course, reward charts, treat incentives. I could go on but you get the idea but she just doesn't care and is happy to sit in her own wee and poo all day.

She's on the waiting list to see a paediatric continence specialist but that's 6 months to a year and i don't have the money to go private.

Like i said, i don't know why I'm bothering to write on here but i guess it's therapeutic writing it down. I know there's far worse problems in the world; I'm in remission from breast cancer and there's a deadly virus spreading around the world but i can't help losing my shit about this still:-(

Thanks for reading anyway x

14 Replies
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Hey, glad you reached out xx there is loads of excellent advice and support on this forum. It’s helped me so much and continues to help me (more than some of the so called experts!)

Are you treating her for constipation currently?

betty76
betty76
in reply to Robinia

Hi, yeah she's been taking paediatric movicol for over a year now...x

You’re not alone. We’ve all been there scraping up poo and it’s mentally exhausting trying everything and seeming to get nowhere. I haven’t got much advice for you, just support in saying I feel your pain. X

How old is she? Is she on a laxative?

betty76
betty76
in reply to MunchieMum

Hi, she's 4 and a half and has been taking paediatric movicol for over a year as she doesn't eat much either x

We’ve all been there - well done for reaching out. Can you take 30 mins for yourself today to regroup? Long bath and book. I really found a therapy session with my son and me helped - I think he realised that he couldn’t carry on like this and we decided to gang up as a team against “sneaky poo” 😳. It helps if you can think of the poo being the problem and not the child because it was really impacting our relationship. Big hugs x

betty76
betty76
in reply to Willsmummy

Thank you xxx

I really feel for you. I have been at my wits end too and the impact it has is not to be underestimated. Hang on in there for the specialist appointment. It will be well worth it if it helps. In the meantime I felt our turning point emotionally was when I accepted that this issue was most likely not my son’s fault, that the shouting was achieving nothing but pressure, guilt and upset and that managing it in order to stay sane was more important in the short term than “solving it”. Definitely go to your GP about constipation and stress firmly how much this is affecting mental health too. And have you thought about your child wearing pads to take the stress off and at least some of the washing away? This is not a step backwards but a way of coping I feel. Worked hugely for us. Good luck x

betty76
betty76
in reply to EHM39

Hi, as of yesterday I've put her back in pull ups. I asked her if she'd like to wear them again and she said yes as getting to the toilet was too hard:-( my heart broke for her and I'm wracked with guilt about forcing her to use the toilet for the last 18 months ish. I was worried people would think there was something wrong with her or that I'm a lazy mum. And while i do think she may have some kind of developmental delay (a few other issues are apparent), we went out today without a huge bag of extra clothes and i didn't spend the whole day asking her if she needed the loo and i feel such a huge weight has been lifted:-)

My plan now is to leave it up to her to tell me when she feels ready to try knickers again. I'm done fighting, i want to enjoy my little girl again. I'm now crying lol. Thanks for your reply xx

StellaA
StellaA
in reply to betty76

Nappies and Pullups can be a good fall back when you, and your daughter need a break, but remember there not a forever solution.

I've been trying for almost a year now to break my grandaugters reliance on pullups, her birth mum gave up potty training her after a just few weeks of cleaning up sloppy poo, that was before her 3rd birthday.

Sophe's now turned ten and almost fully incontinent because no one could be bothered to figure out why she had never had solid bowel movements.

She whent back into nappies at 3, she was almost 5 when she started school as was the oldest of the 3 children in her class who started school in nappies, they put her on a toilet plan but quickly gave up because there was no progress with her bowel control.

The nappies continued till she out grew size 6+ in primary 3, and she's been in drynites since then.

I took custody of her a year ago after a domestic abuse case between sophies mother and my son.

After a few months of waiting and several appointments later she was given a gluten and dairy free diet plan and saw improvement in her stool consistently almost overnight, unfortunately her bladder capacity and bowel sphincter function are still very poor due to the overuse of nappies causing them not to develop fully.

I understand the crying and I understand the massive relief. Been there. Please don’t blame yourself - we only do what we think is right as a mum at the time. And all of it is because we care so much. Well done you for taking some action and I hope you have a much less stressful time from now on. This problem does not define your little one. Who cares what other people think. Enjoy your precious time together - and I hope the future holds some answers for you and her. Sending hugs. X

It is not you. Your child has got problems. The journey you are on is a mind field but there is always hope.

What I found is you really need to push your doctors to get the referral. You can ask your gp to write to them again. Explain to your gp how it is affecting the family unit. Lay it on thick. When I first started on this journey I would wait patiently in the beginning. Just make sure they know you are there. One of the best pieces of advice I got was never loose your temper or get angry as it can have a negative effect. This is harder said than done.

Sometimes you have to go back to the beginning and just take baby steps. Which is frustrating.

At the moment we are starting to beat the problem so i hope this gives you some hope. And I'm terrified we will end up back where we were. But one step at a time.

Good luck

Thanks for your kind words, much appreciated. I'm glad you're getting somewhere at the moment:-) i will go back to my gp soon, he's actually really good so I'm hopeful that he'll have another idea for us but for now it's back to pull ups xx

Hugs to you. And well done for beating the big C xx

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