Help please

[Sarah2104]

Anyone got any tips on how to find out why 4 year old poos in pants he is on movicol/laxido and will go on potty /toilet after meal times and will poo if he needs to at those times but then but at school (normally during carpet time) he will go in pants or if we are out. He knows he needs to go as he tells me he went at that time and I say did u know u needed to go and he says yes but when I say why didnt u go to the toilet he just says because I didnt.... if I knew the

reason I could try help him but he doesn't give me anything more. Anyone else had this and how did it stop? Rewards don't work for him as he isn't bothered by not getting whatever the reward is.....

[Skyfullofstars1]

Hi,maybe he doesn’t know. And just says he does? How often does it happen? And when he poos in the poo is it a normal poo. Like a number 4 on the Bristol poo chart. Or maybe he doesn’t like going to other toilets or feels shy to as. My daughter has toilet time at school too so after lunch she’s to go to the blue room toilets and sit for 10 minutes. Also she has a toilet pass so if she feels shy to ask she just shows the pass and no questions ask she gets to go. This is quite possibly the most frustrating situation, took us 3 years to get to where we are today. You’ll get there, iv found books and the poo app helpful. Also as her understanding has got better this has helped as she understands we all need to poo and when need to do it in the toilet. Xx

[Sarah2104 in reply to Skyfullofstars1]

Thank you maybe he doesn't know or it comes to quick which is fine but when he goes he stops and stays still and has a face he does so at home I catch him and say go to toilet. At school he doesn't have me there to catch him lol. Teachers put him on toilet after lunch and checks with him before carpet time as he says this is when he goes (sitting down relaxed) I said to him to tell teacher and to go to toilet but he doesn't. These ones tend to be solid and not much (enough to cover pads and a change of pants and sometimes trouser but because at end of day he will just come home like it and I clean him up at home (only 2 time teachers had to clean him at school one was a small bit and another was quite alot (complete change). We have poo app. Might look at getting some books too now. Thank you. X

[Skyfullofstars1]

It definitely sounds like he is with holding- I know the face and the awkward sitting. His bowel is likely stretched and he has lack of control. Age 4 I had to put my daughter back in nappies and make her poo runny for quite some time. Also the routine like you say of sitting after meals. I’m lucky my mother in law was here to support us. And look after my daughter so I could work. I did have to take some time off. But I think this helped to let the bowel shrink back. And with books and playing with toys on potty’s etc we got there before she started school. I’m in Scotland so we don’t start school until 5 or my daughter would have had to be held back a year. The reward system helped too ( and cost me a fortune) a mashem character every day she had clean pants all day. Apologies about my last message I was half asleep while writing it and struggled to read it back myself 🙈

It’s such a frustrating problem, iv shed many a tear over this.

Have you been referred to paediatrics? Or seen the Pooh nurses? We spent a week in hospital with the Pooh nurse after it got so bad we had 3 middle of the night trips to A&E and a ruptured bladder because her bowel was so compact and oversized and was in spasm xx

[Sarah2104 in reply to Skyfullofstars1]

I think he definitely holds it till it's to late (it's too mushy and soft during to movicol for him to hold it too long) so I need to try and get him to go earlier than when it's too late. He is so much better than he was a month ago so think we are getting somewhere. We are under a consultant so yes we have that help and tested for allergies etc and tried dairy free for a while so we know it's not that.

We had him in nappies during summer as I upped meds to disimpact him before our holiday and school which worked. We went back to paint 2 weeks before starting school.

He says he doesn't want to miss out but he will happily go for a wee when he needs too I think he thinks poos take too long time but what he doesn't realise it that it takes longer to clean him up and I cant find a way of demonstrating this without him doing it.

Thank you so much for replying it helps me as I struggle with this and like u have shed many tears over this myself as I want to help him control it but he has to do that.

Your poor daughter sounds an awful journey for u all. Xx

[Skyfullofstars1]

Sounds like you have been through the mill with this too. As they get older there understanding gets better. Is your little one quite active? We do cosmic yogo on you tube and play Simon says ( to get her moving around ) before toilet time. I think this helps to get the poo moving. Liam goes poo on the toilet is a simple yet to the point book. I also downloaded the poo chart from the Eric website and I still fill them in now. The consultant said these were really great to get an idea of how bad it is. My god it’s not a good read at the start but now I’m so proud when I look at it and see how far we have come. You see a difference in a month so your doing great hang in there!

God it’s a massive problem.. You’ll get there though your doing all the right things. It proper takes over your life doesn’t it.. I hope youv got good support from family and friends ❤️ xx

[Sarah2104]

Thank you it is so hard. Yes he is active he doesn't stop (half the problem lol). Yes lots of family support which is great but good to speak to you too as you have been there and know what we are going through and it's hard to talk to others who don't understand it all as they not heard about it or haven't gone through it so thank you.

I will look for the poo chart I have just kept a note book and write each day down. He has been like it for about a year up and down but when at preschool I could use nappies for bad times so was easier to deal with but now, for him, I don't want to put nappies on as a he doesn't want to wear them and b he is at school.

I said to him the day you say the words mummy I need a poo will be the happiest day of my life lol

I will also look for the book to see if that helps too

Xx

[Sarahemily in reply to Sarah2104]

Hi Sarah, I too am Sarah and my four and a half year old is very similar. She had an imperforate anus at birth and has had ops etc. She has half a sachet of movicol every second day so hardly anything however if I cut it out she gets constipated but because of her condition there is always some poo in her pants. I have had to start her with nappy pants as the clean up would be a nightmare for school as it’s constant but we are aiming at pants for next term once she has settled in. It’s catch 22, more movicol and she’s too loose and not any and she’s too hard! I am literally living with Goldilocks. Sorry for my ramblings but saw someone who had similar issues and jumped on it. I haven’t seen the poo app, what is it? X

[Sarah2104 in reply to Sarahemily]

Hi yes same any more movicol too loose and if he doesn't have enough it gets stuck.. or to hard.

Poo app is called poo goes home to Poland. It's quite good and as on my phone it's like a treat for him to watch it. And it's a bit interactive (makes noises and laughs when buttons pressed) he loves it and I know it's worked for some children and mine understands where poo goes but wont always go in toilet when out and about and at school.

[Sarahemily in reply to Sarah2104]

Thanks Sarah.

There’s an American book that’s called it hurts when I poop which is good for the constipation bit. It’s all about having a clear out!

[Sarah2104 in reply to Sarahemily]

Thank u will try find it x

[Sarah2104 in reply to Sarahemily]

I have ordered 3 books that u have both suggested... Liam goes poo and it hurst when I poo and also found another called I cant I wont no way... to see if that helps too and will print those eric poo log and reward chart to help and see how we go. Thank you both. Xx

[Skyfullofstars1 in reply to Sarah2104]

It is good to know we’re not alone.. Good luck with your books etc let us know how your doing! Just imagine how great it will be once this is all in the past ❤️ cause you will get there xx

[Sarah2104 in reply to Skyfullofstars1]

Thank you it is good for me to talk on here and read about others just show how common it is and how people hide it. Thank you for giving me some hope x

[Sarah2104]

Hi just to update.

Books arrived and read then to him... doesn't seem to make a difference he still poos in pant but it's not a lot its like he stops it then goes when on toilet later. I keep asking him why he poos in pants and he just says cos I do....

Guess we just keep going but getting frustrated as he will wee when needs to but not poo in toilet.

He started getting angry when I ask him to sit on toilet after meals too now which is hard as then he's not relaxed and then doesn't go... think its cousin changed from potty in living room to toilet (as wanting him To go in toilet rather than potty)

Will keep going and hopefully one day it will click.

Xx