Parental emotional impact of stool withholding. I'm so drained. Reaching out.

[RuthRosetta]

My daughter is nearly three has been on long term laxatives since the end of October for chronic stool withholding that began when we started toilet training her 8 months ago. I feel I'm getting all the right medical advice as we've seen a specialist continence paediatrician. What I'm reaching out about is the personal emotional toll it's taking on me. Thank god the paediatrician suggested putting her in pull-ups all the time rather than persevering with knickers as her poo is so soft now, but my god am I fed-up of clearing up poo and wiping it all of her bum, especially as it's so soft from the laxative. I'm grateful the poo is coming out now, but I so wish it was in the potty or toilet. I'm so, so fed up. I've never lost my temper at my daughter as I know it's not her fault but I could feel myself coming close tonight which makes me feel horrible. She's pooed herself about 5 times today (her laxative might need increasing, I know). I am disabled too and suffer with chronic anxiety, and my daughter's stool withholding is a huge stressor. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like she'll still be like this at school. Her consultant has told us to chill with the toilet training for the next few weeks which we are, but I'm so, so, so fed up. I'm not quite sure what the point of this post is. I guess I'm just hoping for some replies so I don't feel so alone and weak I guess for this situation having me in tears more times than I can count. Thank you for reading x

[Alicass]

Hi

I don't have a with holder but my son has had chronic constipation since he was 2.5. He's now 8! I can totally empathise with you about the emotions, stress and frustration. We've been there and I'm on anti depressants now to help calm me down which have worked - thank goodness.

Both my son's have Hypermobility which is connected to slow bowels. We thought my eldest wasn't wiping his bottom after going to the toilet but it turns out he's had overflow for four years. He started secondary school in September.

To top it all of we had a call from Social Services back in June. I won't go into detail but it was awful and all because my children have soiling issues.

I've been angry, depressed, frustrated, stressed and have cried A LOT over the last 5.5 years. It's a horrid thing to go through and takes an age to sort out.

Please don't feel alone. There's a lot of families going through it but it's a taboo subject so isn't really talked about in public. Talk to the ERIC helpline and also there's a Facebook Group called Movicol Mummies. That's a great support too.

I felt so alone until I found other families that were going through the same thing. Then I felt a relief to find we weren't the only ones going through it.

Xxx

[RuthRosetta in reply to Alicass]

Thank you so much for such a lovely reply. I have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and I am chronically constipated due to this, so I can sympathise with what your family is going through. My daughter is constipated as well as a withholder but I believe it's more of a psychological issue as the withholding only started when we began toilet training her. I know there's a 50% chance she could have EDS too but it's too early to tell so I try not to dwell on it. I'm definitely going to join Movicol Mummies. It never occurred to me to think to look on Facebook for a group like that. You're so right, it's not talked about enough. Thank you so much again for such a thorough reply xxx

[Atz2505]

Hi, newbie here, reaching out as have been trying to potty train my 3yo daughter for almost a year now and have been having similar problems. The social pressure and stigma to "get them trained in a week or you're doing it wrong" is so fierce. I've had so many tears, embarrassment, guilt, frustration and exhaustion over it, alongside having a new baby. I HATE it that it's not my daughter's fault yet it's judged as a failure of parenting or a lack of intelligence/understanding by my very bright 3 year old.

So I'm just reaching out with a hug and positivity for the new year, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

[RuthRosetta in reply to Atz2505]

Thank you for the solidarity. Have a hug back xxx

[TinkerT]

Hi. It's so hard isnt it and so distressing for everyone. I'm just a nanny but see my lovely son and daughter in law struggling with this problem with their 5 year old. I've been in tears about it too. I'm sending a hug and do please find someone to talk to,.. try to look after yourself too. And find something if you can to make you feel good. I just wanted to say hi really and send a virtual hug. Warm wishes.

[RuthRosetta in reply to TinkerT]

Thank you. I'm finding things hard. My daughter hardly wees on the toilet or potty anymore either. I'm so frustrated and drained x