Wetting at school: Hi, my daughter is 4 and a half and... - ERIC


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Wetting at school

betty76 profile image

Hi, my daughter is 4 and a half and has recently started reception class. She's never had a totally dry day or night since we started potty training 2 years ago but since starting school it's got a lot worse. Ive had a meeting with her teacher and headmistress to express my concerns about how wet she is every day (sometimes down to her feet) but they said they can't advise on this.

Ive sent her in wearing absorbent pants with spares in her bag but she wets right through these as well and it doesn't seem to bother her at all. Last week i just kind of gave in and am now sending her in wearing pull up nappies as i can't stand the thought of her being wet all day in the cold weather and possibly getting an infection from it too.

I went to my GP yesterday and he told me to visit this website. She's also had urine tests to check for infection which are all clear and is not in pain. She does hate being asked to go to the toilet and kicks off massively when i ask her to go every couple of hours.

I am genuinely out of ideas and i don't know if the school is meant to be helping or not?! Any advice would be great, thank you:-)

12 Replies

Hi Betty76, I feel for you. This is very similar to our situation. We started potty training in 2017 when my daughter was 3 and never had a dry day or night. She did have numerous water infections though so I am pleased to hear this isnt the case for you.

We are still battling 3 years on, so the only advice I can give you is:

1) Request the school create a care plan for your daughter. She needs the right amount of support when she is away from home, so a plan needs to be drawn up and agreed with you and the teaching staff as to how they can help with her toileting needs. Eg take her at regular intervals throughout day, create a sticker chart for going to toilet and give praise for going etc.

2) Remain calm with your daughter, (and believe me, I have struggled so much with this). In my case I feel my daughter has some kind of phobia that was maybe set off because she had so many water infections. So I now try and talk to her about where the wee wee can go if it stays in her body, we talk about animals that need the toilet. I ask her what she wants to happen (making her feel in control).

I am not saying any of this is the right answer but maybe worth a try if you are feeling at the end of your tether.

3) Lastly, be kind to yourself. It is such a draining situation to be in as a Mother, as each child is different and therefore there is no definitive answer. Well done for all that you are doing. Keep strong and good luck xxx

Thank you so much!! The care plan sounds good and i think we're heading in that direction as after i posted in here i rang my health visitor who contacted the school nurse who rang me back straight away! We're going to have a meeting at the school after Christmas to discuss everything:-)

I started off calm with the wetting then started losing it a bit (which I'm not proud of) and am now back to being calm but deflated and resigned.

Anyway, i will definitely give all your ideas a go and wish you and your daughter luck with it too:-)

Thanks again x


I had to say as awful this experience is, I am glad to hear I am not alone in this! We tried 4 times to potty train and the 4th time started on Feb 2019, this time on her own accord. I remained calm for the first two months and then I got angry, frustrated and at the end of my tether! We are now in he first year of school like your child, and my daughter will be 4 and a half end of Dec. She has only the past month started to say when she needs a wee and had 11 and a half days days, then it started again! We took her to a Christmas festival all day and she said 3 times she needed a wee, then the Monday she wet herself twice maybe 3 times. I get you. I know exactly how you feel as it doesn't bother my daughter either!

It is on and off and I am going mad! She can't go any longer than 90 mins without going to the toilet but the school are taking her every hour almost.

They should be helping! Our school has a teacher who specialises in behaviour problems, toileting, learning difficulties you name it. She is there to help but luckily my daughter's teacher and teaching assistant are being great with her! You need to get on to them and also speak to the health visitor as I am pretty sure they will tell you the school should be helping you with this!

All I can say is you are doing amazing and all you can, so keep going and you are NOT alone!

I wish the all the good luck in the world with this and the day we have kids who stay dry for two months solid, will be the say we pop open a bottle of champagne and celebrate!

betty76 profile image
betty76 in reply to Wonkyhouse

Hi, thanks for your reply:-) it's good to know you're not alone isn't it! I keep thinking i must have done something wrong when i started training her but i guess some just take longer than others.

I'm glad your school are helping your daughter with it. Ive sent mine in in pull ups for the last week, with spares and a plastic bag, and she's still coming home with wet tights! It just seems they're ignoring it and i don't know if they're obliged to help a child who's having problems or not...

We have a meeting with the school nurse in January to set up a care plan but i don't really want her soaking wet for the next 2 weeks of this term. I put a note in her school bag this morning asking them to help her but they didn't as far as i can see. I just want to take her out to be honest.

Anyway, I'll keep trying to talk to them but they don't have time for a meeting before xmas apparently.

Thanks again for your reply and i look forward to the champagne one day!!!


Hi, just to say I feel for you as we were absolutely at our wits end with our older daughters wetting. She’s 7 now and still wet daily but I’ve somehow accepted it recently. I think for me, it’s easier now she’s 7. At 3-5 there were lots of people saying it was a potty training issue. It wasn’t! And that was hard. Now she’s 7 and has seen everyone right up to a urologist who has confirmed she has an issue with both sets of bladder muscles I guess it’s easier as nobody can blame her or me. At age 4 it was horrible seeing other kids dry and her wet.

A care plan is definitely needed. Our daughter wore pads in reception and year one. She refuses to wear them now she’s year two. Although that’s causing issues as she has been having visible wet patches through clothes. School are now checking her twice a day and if she’s wet she’s changing herself. I wanted that because she’s gonna need to change herself as she gets older. I’m hoping she will want Pads again as it’s better than wet clothes!

Good luck. Remember not to blame yourself and to ignore any negative comments you may get. People have no idea how hard it is.

School definitely should help.

I think our school realise our bladder incontinent daughter is the least of their worries as our younger daughter just started school and she has diarrhoea all the time! Which is much harder!

betty76 profile image
betty76 in reply to Poppymum

Hi, thanks for your message:-) i really appreciate hearing everyone's stories and not feeling like such a failure! I can't wait to get to the stage of acceptance! Interesting to note that everyone's that's replied has girls... before i had kids i was always hearing that boys were harder to toilet train...

I really hope your daughter's classmates don't give her a hard time. The older they get the more that is likely as we all know:-( Does/ did your daughter wear pads inside normal knickers then? I hope your youngest's diarrhoea settles down too.

Thanks again xx

I could have written your post a year ago. I was dreading my daughter going to school as wasn't dry. Originally she was in after school club but they were so rude and judgemental after she had an accident I had to take her out.

She's in her 1 now and still has accidents but she always has spare clothes and takes her self off to change.

We got a watch that you can set alarms through the day to remind her to go. Which help for a while.

With her it is a phobia/anxiety. She can be hopping up and down with her legs crossed obviously needing a wee but will be adamant she doesn't.

We spoke to school and they did a plan/reward at the end of each week. Reminding her to go before they started any new task.

I'm sorry you are going through this. But nice to know we are not alone in our struggle!

Best of luck


Hiya, I've heard a lot about these watches and think I'll have to try one! We did try an egg timer for a while and it kind of worked so!... your daughter sounds like mine, hopping about and clearly needing the loo but refusing to go. I just wish i knew why she hates going so much but she won't tell me, just cries and screams:-(

I'm so sorry you had that experience at after school club. Ive signed my daughter up to 2 clubs next term and am kind of dreading she'll have the same issues. Some people just seem to assume you're a lazy parent or there's something wrong with your child...

School actually changed her pull up today though which is amazing lol. And we have a care plan meeting with the school nurse after xmas too so fingers crossed that will help her.

Thanks again and lots of luck with it all:-)xx

Hello, I don’t have any tips because I could have written this post myself at the moment and came on here to seek some help and advice. My daughter is also constantly wet at school, she did get better with a sticker chart so we thought see how she is without for a few days, she has come out of school soaking wet. It’s so hard as she just won’t tell anyone either. I hope you manage to help your daughter and I’ll be watching this post. Xxx

betty76 profile image
betty76 in reply to Mrsle

Thanks for your message😊😊my daughter's teacher actually changed her pull up yesterday so she wasn't soaking when i picked her up!!! Wishing you lots of luck with it all and if i find any miracle answers I'll certainly share them!

Last night i ordered a toilet training watch for her for 6 quid from Amazon. Have no idea if it'll work, she'll agree to wear it or anything lol but will try anything:-) xxx

Our daughter struggles to get to the end of school day dry. Teachers are super supportive, trying sticker chart at the momment as this helps at home. The biggest problem is that she can go to toilet and sit there witholding, and wet herself five minutes later :/ This happens more if she is stressed or upset about something. We had problems with witholding poo aswell but that's under control now with Lactulose.

Good luck, I wish I had any better advice than to be patient and keep positive about the whole issue.

Good luck x

Hi, I previously commented on this, and am still in the same situation as before. Somehow a friend of mine found on here 'Abbi's Story' under the eric main page under stories.

If you haven't already read it, I advise you to as to me it seems identical to my story and awaiting another docs appointment to put my foot down and get a scan or meds for a suspected over active bladder! (Combined with the refusal to go to the toilet when asked!)

Let me know if you need help finding the story.

How are things now?

I am having am very low day today as I recently discovered my daughter hasn't been invited to a party that was in the weekend, a joint party for two girls who my daughter thought were her friends. I thought the parents were my friends too. Social media is powerful. Turns out me sitting her on the pottette outside the school during the walk home for everyone to see is having an effect.

And me venting on face book every now and again at the heat of the moment.

My husband won't have another child either partially because of this. I have had enough :(

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