The psychology of the incontinent child

[jilkei]

I would love to understand more about the psychology of what is going on with my incontinent child. I was very worried at first (still am) that it would affect her socially and that it was a labour that she would have to bear growing up - hiding this aspect of herself for sleepovers, or putting her pads away when friends come over. She is far less stressed about it than I am. She is also not that tidy about cleaning up after herself or changing her pad, which i beg her to do constantly - i can't bear to have her ostracized or be called the 'stinky' girl in the class, as I remember in the 70s, there was a kid in our school who must have suffered something similar and was tortured and ostracized for it. Does anyone have any advice? She is elementary school aged. She hasn't been called out for it yet- but i know it can turn on a dime, and shame can do real damage I know.

[MrsSquirrel]

Just to say we have the same with our boy who is 10. At school we have a teaching assistant who knows to keep an eye and remind him to change trousers/pads.

Like you say, at home he is not worried about pads on display when friends come but I put them away in case of comments.

To be fair all the kids in his class have grown with him and don't bat an eyelid if he has an accident - they just accept. I am concerned with secondary school on horizon that such kindness will not always be the case.