Coping Strategies for parents?

[Poppymum]

Hi, I usually post about my daughter, but wondered what are peoples best coping strategies for those moments when you have got really stressed?!!

Moment one: yesterday! I drove to a shopping centre about 30 mins away with my son who had a snow day and my youngest. Whilst we were there and had just booked youngest in for a half hour soft play, phone goes, my daughter's school, she's had three big accidents by lunch time and could they have more clothes! So we took little one out of soft play and drove back!

Moment two: today. I pick up daughter from school at end of day. She's only been changed once so not so bad, but she was very wet. I could tell by her body language! It was on her tights and pants but not through, but a big patch. So I take her back in and change her ( which daughter isn't happy about!!) then I go back out and playground empty and other kids and parents all gone, and I just feel like 'why is it my daughter like this and other kids aren't!'

Anyway. I got upset both of those times. It's getting to me more now she's 5 and no better than a toddler!

What are people's best strategies when you get really upset. For you I mean, we are hopefully gonna get a referral eventually etc, doctor is now not sure about paediatrician or urology ( we want the second). But for you as parents, what do you do when you're at your wits end?

I will start with ...... think about all the things my daughter is amazing at, there are many! She's loving reading and writing and she's good at physical stuff to, doing well swimming, great at making friends, eats anything! Not saying I think like this at the time! But when I've calmed down!!!!

[Cupatea]

Well my stress levels have reduced considerably since after having a chat with my 5 yr old daughter we have both decided she will wear a nappy again we r calling them padded pants. She has a bladder condition dont know what yet as we r waiting to see the bladder specialist but we no longer have to worry about bags full of spare school clothes, remembering to change pads half way through the school day and endless piles of wee stinking clothes. She can now relax at school and have fun and i can relax knowing there r no accidents needed to be delt with. I dont see it as a step back but a way of coping with her medical condition. She wears normal knickers over the top of her nappy and can get changed for PE in the toilets if she wants to. Dont think why is it only my daughter, think she has a medical condition that will get sorted and of all medical conditions it could be a whole lot worse. X

[Poppymum in reply to Cupatea]

That sounds sensible.

I sometimes do think i should make it easier for myself and her and go for pull ups. I put her in a pull up tonight after we got home from school as i had got stressed changing her at school and she had and then hadn't finished the wee and ended up a little bit wet on journey home!

You're right that of all medical conditions this is probably the least worrying in some ways. It could be lots worse! Thank you

[Cupatea in reply to Poppymum]

Hi i just want to say that since putting her into pull ups my daughter has began to rely on them more and doesn't use the toilet as much. She has never had control of her bladder and from what i understand needs help, hopefully the oxybutynin will help but until i have a professional to help fix her issue and teach her how to gain control of her bladder i dont see what difference it makes where her wee goes. So what if its all in a nappy at the moment at least she no longer smells of wee, has red and sore bits and constantly has to deal with getting to a toilet all the time. So i just wanted say dont feel like u have given up if u choose to put your daughter in pull ups, think she needs help and support. And we will start using the toilet again when i have a professional to tell me how to toilet train a child who has a bladder condition as i dont know how because we have tried for 2 and a half years and everyday she had wet clothes.

[Littlecabbage in reply to Cupatea]

I agree - I think my 6 year old son allows himself to leak into his pads a bit more than he would if only wearing pants, but the pads make life so much easier for him and me, that I don't care currently.

We are progressing through the pathway to finding out what is wrong - GA and cystoscopy on Friday. Once we have a diagnosis and treatment plan, and he is able to control/prevent the random leaks, we will start to withdraw using pads. For now, I just have certain times of day when I insist he tries for a wee, to ensure he is exercising his bladder muscle.

[saramoll]

If it's been a bad day and you feel like you haven't handled it well try and put it behind you - tomorrow is another day (it might be just as bad, but don't dwell on that either!). My daughter had soiling problems as well as wetting and I decided to put dirty pants in the bin rather than trying to clean them - wasteful and expensive but it helped me stay sane. Never go anywhere without a few spare pants and bottoms, plastic bags etc tucked into your handbag, you then feel less stressed about potential accidents. If you can afford it, loads of school uniforms. We had at least 6 skirts and probably about 30 pairs of pants, maybe 10 tights. However many you need so that you know you will have time to turn the laundry around even on the worst day. School helped a lot - my daughter was embarrassed by changing in the toilets and often stayed in her wet things - smelly and sore. Then she was given use of the disabled toilet (much more private) but still wouldn't use it as its in the office part of the school rather than the classroom area. The head teacher got involved and in fact all the staff (lunchtime playground supervisors etc) have been very supportive so she knows that she can go to the loo whenever she needs and that nobody will ask her what she's doing on the office corridor. She's allowed to go in from the playground at breaktime without having to explain herself. None of that solves the wetting, but it has helped her to keep herself clean and comfortable and I find it much less stressful not having to worry about her getting smelly. She's 8 now and earlier this year was put on oxybutynin and that helped, and I think as time goes by she is getting better bladder control anyway.

[Jo31]

Hi I can totally understand how you feel my 5 year old suffers with constipation and is currently permantly on picosulphate, she started primary school in September which i was concerned about but I was the year before in nursery too! They were fab and even reassured me that other children without a medical condition still had accidents at school. We moved house at the end of October and to a new school although they are handling it ok now at first I had to attend a meeting about it and the lack of resources etc... so I felt terrible. She is spending a couple of days a week "pooing for England" as I call it so they're changing her upto 6 times a day! Her consultant is not bothered about the upset at school or the stress it causes us or that she's back in pull ups from being toilet trained in 4 years they've never investigated WHY she doesn't hold it in, I have done food diaries myself and can't spot anything, she drinks plenty fluids so I'm now paying for a food intolerance test myself to see if there's anything there and I'm praying there is ..... I do get stressed like you but I'm now thinking this is a medical condition so until we get a reason/cure this is our life and others after understand that too x