I'm new here & have never been on a forum before but am completely at my wits end, was hoping to find someone who's been through similar.
I've a 7.5 year old who is having 1+ daily stool & multiple urine accidents per day.
She was potty trained at 2.5, mildly difficult, but continent afterwards, no accidents at all at nursery or school for first 18 months. She doesn't have any health or developmental problems, a happy 'good' child, potters along in the middle of her class, has friends.
Then about 2 years ago started having daily small wetting accidents, smelled strongly of stale urine when she came home, started to get teased by classmates. No urinary tract infection or obvious cause, seemed happy otherwise, tried not to make a fuss about it ie ignore so might go away strategy, Shortly afterwards started daytime soiling, small amounts at first then quickly to larger amounts each day (ie more than a smear of poo, though not formed stool). Ongoing problems with noticeable smell, she always completely denies she's had an accident or needs the toilet.
Was mildly constipated as a baby, but not noticeable since, though I hadn't previously monitored her toileting much, since she vales independence/privacy. When I did she had borderline hard poo, but bowels open most days, so thought maybe constipation the problem. Tried movicol, made things much worse, Spoke to ERIC, who suggested 'swetcorn test' which was on the long side, suggested disimpaction then maintence which we did last October. since then tried varying doses of maintence Movicol, seems stool either too hard or too loose & either way continues to have daily accidents. Spoke to ERIC again, suggested we try & back off a bit in monitoring toileting & just reward her for cleaning herself up even if she has an accident to try & make the whole thing less negative. Gave her a 'wetbag' well hidden in the bathroom (she's terrified a friend might come round & discover..) full of clean pants, wipes etc, ask her to sort herself out when she comes home from school, & give her a small pressie if she does (though I don't check that she does to maintain privacy so there's every chance she's just pretending she has in order to get pressie..). Then I clear out wetbag of poo covered pants every few days. All this has continued alongside toileting after each meal, daily movicol etc
None of these interventions (& there are more that I haven't listed) have made one jot of difference, if anything I feel problem is getting worse rather than better. We went to a public loo today and I went in after her, there was poo smeared all over seat & as I followed after her. When we got home I suggested she get changed in the bathroom & again went in after to find bathroom floor/bathmat etc with small lumps of poo scattered all around, small smears in bathmat etc
I completely lost my temper. I just cannot compute that a child who otherwise can understand all sorts of things, can;t understand that it's not OK to leave a trail of poo behind her. I do understand that getting annoyed is the very worse thing I can do, but I have also completely run out of patience and at a complete loss for any good ideas for how to make things better. I am clearly being an absolutely sh*t mother to focus at all on how unpleasant it is for me to still be dealing with pants full of poo every day & I completely get that many many parents have to do the same & cope far better than me. I also completely understand that it is truly a larger problem for her than it is for me, even though she on the surface appears to be completely unfazed with sitting in wet poo filled pants all day.
We go to school parents evenings & talk about how to help her with maths etc, but seems reasonably pointless when she can't even master getting to the toilet on time, and I worry that this is having a hugely detrimental effect on our relationship, it interferes with everything we try & do, but I'm unable to tell anyone about it. School are nice enough but there are 30 kids in her class & they don't have the resources to sort the toileting of one otherwise low maintenance child. My daughter doesn't want to be singled out by being allowed to use a special toilet. We've finally been referred to the local enuresis clinic, appointment in April, but we're seeing a paediatric urologist which doesn't fill me with optimism, since lack of urine control is the least of her problems!
Does anybody have anything to say that might make me pull myself together & see some light at the end of this very long poo filled tunnel?!?
Sorry for length of post..