What do you do when they just don't seem to care?

Ben is 8 now and we are still having problems with daytime wetting and pooing and night time wetting. I feel like we have been potty training for over six years!

Done the doctors, incontinence clinic and paediatrician and all concluded there is no medical reason for it happening.

Clinic tried to refer him to psychiatrist but he did not meet criteria. Clinic thinks it's laziness and he knows he does it as I offered him a small treat when he had been dry all day and he managed it for 3 weeks but started again when the treats stopped and he actually said he was going to 😔

He lies about when and how it happens and has even tried to hide his dirty underpants and trousers.

Any advice? I'm actually starting to think the only option is adoption!

4 Replies

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  • My son has just turned 8 and we are on the road to getting it really regular without too many "accidents". When we spoke to a psychologist she said that age and maturity would be the key for him. We stuck to routine and made sure his medicine was at the right level and things got better. Things just seemed to click into place. The school made sure he was trying at there too which helped a lot. I keep my fingers cross for you.

  • You may like to read this post in my blog. I had soiling, although not wetting, problems as a child and probably gave the impression of not caring, but this wasn't the case:

    childhoodsoiling.blogspot.c...

  • Adoption might be a bit extreme but I know how you feel.....unfortunately if there is no medical reason for the accidents then it will be a case of waiting it out for him to decide that it's just not acceptable! Is he dry at school or when at friends? We found that our daughter was able to manage at school but when at home didn't seem to worry so much which, whilst frustrating at home, at least proved that she did care underneath and would work hard to control it more when in a social environment.

    We had the same hiding behaviour for a while too and I had to be strict with myself not to get angry with her about the accidents but boy did she know I was really cross about her lying to me and hiding things!! For us there is a genuine medical reason for the accidents and getting that confirmed seemed to be the trigger for her to stop fighting me so much.

    Main piece of advice I'd give is to try not to let it take over your life and relationship with him. That's so easy to say and trust me I really know how difficult it is to do. If you are sure there is no underlying medical conditions then have faith that there will be something that makes him sit up and realise that he needs to get it under control and he needs to know that you'll be there for him to help. Maybe it will be a residential school trip, scout camp or something similar where peer pressure comes into play or just a comment from someone at school that hits home?

    Not sure if any of this helps but hope so and best of luck!!

  • I'm afraid I have no advice, but you are not alone! My boy is 9 and in the last six months or so has started wetting. He did it about 9 times on holiday!

    He knows exactly what hs doing but has told us he just doesn't want to leave the things he is doing.

    I started punishing him for it for this reason, but it doesn't seem to have an effect. All I can think is that when one of his friends clock it they will laugh at him and maybe it will stop 😏

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