Daughter is 7, and has never been consistently dry. She went through a soiling phase a couple of years ago, we didn't think she was impacted but we did the whole movicol thing which made things much worse! We now have that under control by sitting her on the loo for 20 mins after breakfast and tea and she nearly always poos after breakfast and then doesn't soil.
The wetness though.... She has been dry at night for years. She can go all day without an accident, in fact has once gone a full week. Other times she will have complete bladder emptying. Other times she will leak small amounts. She will sometimes go to the loo by herself, but if not told to go would just not. There is no point in asking ' do you need a wee?' as the answer is always 'no' but she will wet a few minutes later. She claims to be dry all day at school, but I don't think it is the case. She is sometimes very wet when we get home and has clearly just wet herself on the way or as we get in and although she is sometimes dry when we get in her clothes smell of wee so she has obviously wet herself earlier in the day and dried out. She always has clean things to change into, but she never tells anyone and never just goes and changes herself, so unless she has wee'd enough for it to go through her school skirt no-one notices.
It is that that bothers me more than anything. If she would either say she had wet herself or even just go and sort herself out i could relax a bit but I get so frustrated at finding her sitting around in wet things and leaving patches on the furniture. I also hate complete strangers coming up to me in play centres and supermarkets and pointing out her wet leggings to me.
I have recently started using incontinence pads. We have got nowhere with the continence clinic (I think they have shared in reward charts). I think she needs a psychologist but the GP says she can't access one as she is 'fine otherwise' and we 'haven't reached that point'. I don't know if I am doing the right thing though. I thought it would take the pressure off a bit, but I have seen her squatting down and looking like she is weeing in her pad on purpose. I don't know whether to back off, or whether to take control a bit more like sending her to the loo every 2 hours and checking whether her pad needs changing for her (we did have a wobl watch but she ignores it).
I have lost my temper with her a few times recently because I find know what to do to help her. I actually don't think she even wants my help. Maybe I should leave her to it, but I was bullied badly at school and I'm paranoid the same will happen toher. She doesn't have many friends as it is and it makes her sad that she doesn't get asked on playdates.