Although the physical effects of Endo are sometimes unbearable, the thing that is most heartbreaking, for me, is the psychological effects. Although the pain, fatigue and other symptoms have been present in my life for the past 5-7 years, more recently i have come to really struggle with depression.
In the last year, my whole life has changed, not only due to endo but having graduated and moved back home along with other circumstances.
My ability to cope has decreased dramatically and I have changed as a person. it's so sad.
I used to just feel a 'bit down' when i was on my period, before that i had teenage hormonal PMT, But now at 22 I feel i really understand what PMS is.
I am, well I'm not, but i get just so so angry, I will literally destroy anything, i have smashed up my kitchen, I throw glasses, smashed up appliances.... the list goes on. I am not an angry person, and i am certainly not aggressive. I was wondering whether anyone else had experiences like this?
This anger is just part of my mood swings, i will then go to being fine then later i can just cry for hours, i am so sad, i just cry uncontrolably.
This and feelings of depression and anxiety makes me think that i am not normal and i may never be normal again, i have suicidal thoughts which is terrifying and shocking because this time a year ago I was so optimistic about my future, i had just graduated and had the world at my feet.
I am so anxious, about money, the future, stress, obviously about endo... I make myself feel sick with anxiety and cannot sleep, even though i'm constantly exhausted.
If anyone can give me any advice on coping with PMS, depression, fatigue, or even just a bit of understanding...
maybe herbal remedies or therapies suggestions..
Thank you so much for reading this,
Peace and Love
Jesse
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jessica22
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I am sorry you are going through such a bad time! I hope you feel better soon. Personally, I do not suffer from depression and the PMS is very minor because I am taking the anticonception pill all the time to keep the migraines away and to keep the endo at a minimum (If that is possible). I am in constant pain and often fatigued.
I think you are a very normal person. It hasn't been easy for you at all and I think everyone goes through a period of smashing things to pulp and even thinking about suicide. I had that when I was a teenager, so I suspect it is hormone related with you. I am not a doctor though.
Perhaps it would be an idea to see the doctor and see if he/she can prescibe something for you to level out your hormones? Perhaps going on the anticonception pill for a few months without brakes, might help you getting some grip again on your life?
My husband suffers from depression and anxiety problems (I am aware he is a man, yes :), but the symptoms are about the same). He received CPN therapy and is now following a course online to deal with his anxiety. He improved greatly since the winter and is less angry with the world and only has occasionally anxiety moments. I can't even call them proper attacks anymore. You can ask for CPN and cognitive therapy at the GP.
For fatigue I usually make sure I eat my 5 a day, use supplements like a-z vitames, garlic and cod liver oil (the tablets). It helps to a certain level. I should really do more research on the internet. Perhaps you can do the same?
Anyway, I am not sure if the above helps, but you are not alone. Don't give up and remember there is a way out (except for the endo - apparently it is a chronical disease, but there are enough treatments to control it). Peace and Love x Wendy
Thank you so much for your reply, I am very grateful.
I have been looking at homeopathic remedies for mood swings, anxiety and also fatigue. There are quite a lot of specific ones relating to all these which may interest you.
What is the anti conception pill? And what are the side affects?
Also b-vitamins complex alongside an a-z is supposed to be beneficial for energy levels...
I said this to my gp and he thinks it is not hormonal but just psychological, I agree with you, it feels like I'm a teenager again but ten fold, and it was horrendous first time round. I think I may go back and question him, he has recommend counselling which I am going to do anyway. Am really interested in cognitive behavioural therapy... I think this could also be a good option.
I really want to find an all natural approach to this so this sounds like a good option.
I also wondered from what you were saying about your husband, a key reason I asked this question in the first place was because of how much it is affecting my relationship...
Me and my bf have been together 4 years, we used to have great communication but all of this is really testing us, sometimes I am so irrational towards him and he also is struggling to cope... Do you have any advice?
This all just seems a bit surreal because it's so far from the person I was.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply, i'm just so grateful
Sorry you're going through this - it sounds really rough for you, and of course a real challenge for your relationship.
I also had awful PMS before my endometriosis was diagnosed. I'm pretty sure it was triggered b hormonal changes, and it seems to have calmed down as I've been taking first the pill (initially progestins, then a low-dose pill) and now mirena to balance my rather high oestrogen levels. Like you, I'm normally a really rational person, so I was completely thrown by the emotional turmoil, suicidal thoughts and so on. It just didn't feel like me, and was really upsetting.
I asked my very sympathetic gynacologist what to do about it, and he suggested three possible treatments (besides the hormones):
a. counselling - I took this, and found it really helpful. I would definitely recommend this
b. anti-depressants (specifically SSRIs). I wasn't keen on this idea, so didn't follow up, but if you don't find the counselling is helpful, then it may be worth investigating, and your GP can advise on this. SSRIs are not a short-term treatment.
c. much stronger hormones (effectively a chemical menopause). We didn't feel my problem was severe enough for this.
I also asked a close friend (who trained as a doctor), and he recommended exercise (didn't work for me at the time, because I was struggling too much with the pain, but I'm doing much more of this now that I feel better) and meditation to relieve the tension. I don't think these are particularly helpful when you've got raging PMS, but they are useful in the more stable times.
As your doctor doesn't see that this is a hormone problem, it might also be worth keeping a diary or some other record so that you can show that your worst moods do precede your periods. I found it very helpful to keep track of my emotional state, menstrual cycle, and a couple of other things (food etc), so that I could really show what was causing the problem.
On the relationship side... I'm no expert, but maybe it would help if your bf could talk to, or hear about, other partners of women with endometriosis. I'm sure there are a lot of guys out there who have had to get through this and would understand.
Good luck, and I hope things get better for you.
I am so sorry to hear this. I am too the same, I don't get so much angry, however fall into a pit of depression where I don't want to talk/see anyone, and I just cry for hours and hours and hours. My life has been horrendously difficult to live with, and Endo just tops it off! I've had suicidal thoughts too, so you're not alone!
This site has helped enormously to help me get through things, talking to other people just like me about endo, works wonders! I also see a counsellor, which has helped me too. It helps me to find ways to manage how I deal with my mood swings, and depression. I have anxiety too, and have panic attacks because of this, which doesn't make me feel much better! One of the things my counsellor suggests, which helped me, is to write down everything I am thinking about which is making me sad/anxious, so that in a way, it's out of my mind, and on paper (then I tear it up and throw it away, so it's 'physically gone' in a way), so I don't stay up at night as much thinking about everything.
Another thing is to have at least 30 mins of relax time to yourself every single day. This for me, is switching off my phone, forgetting about my studies, having a long relaxing bubble bath, and herbal tea/lemon tea (It stops bloating too!) Or simply snuggling up to watch a movie, and forget about my problems.
I hope you can find something that works for you, & you're certainly not alone.
I've never put anything on a forum before and i am so glad i did, just having some replies makes me feel like i'm not totally alone so thank you.
I am also considering the mirena coil, and its good to hear that you have overcome your depression. it feels really self indulgent and your suggestions are exactly what i've needed to hear, your reply it was really informative. I am going to take your advice and start keeping a mood diary with food ect. also going to research some meditation and yoga today...
Thank you for your reply and kind words. this site and your reply have made e realise i am not alone which is just amazing. the idea about writing it all done sounds like it could work for me, definitely.
I hope you continue to find more things that make your life a little happier.
Hey there, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You separate yourself from your behaviour in the way you write about it all. It sounds like you are discovering a new part of yourself and you don't like it at all which must be terrifying.
One thing that I wish people would have warned me about was the depression which comes on after graduation. You start uni and you are scared, excited.. its a new adventure where you study your favorite subject, you get praised for creative thinking and you spend time with like minded people who choose to study the same subject area for years..... You are part of a large community of people who regard learning as a high ideal... or you have the time of your life partying for three years (or both)... then you graduate....
in the world of work you are often surrounded by jaded people who dislike the educated and resist any bright ideas as they fear any change. You are no longer part of a vibrant, challenging and intelligent community but part of a bitter workforce or even worse you can't find an employer for a while...
its all quite disillusioning.
All that alongside being diagnosed with endometriosis and losing your independance must be really really hard.
There are different personality types and attibutes, there is the potential for anger, depression and anxiety in all of us. Different people have different susceptibilities and triggers.
What is certain is that you have found your set of triggers and now you are feeling depression, anxiety and anger. Aggressive behaviour is often our way of trying to have a sense of control over something... anything when we feel our ability to control something else important to us is being prevented.
I found it useful to read through the stages of grief after graduating and also after finding out I had endo:
denial
anger,
barganing,
depression,
acceptance
not nessisarily in that order and not all the stages share the same intensity or amount of time with each person.. its unique to you but reading about this may shed some light on how you are feeling...
also if you are having suicidal thoughts it may be worth speaking to a doctor if you think you may need antidepressants to help you through this difficult stage... There are tonnes of therapies out there including CBT for free on the NHS. It depends on if you want to change your behaviour and manage your emotions (CBT) or if you want to explore your emotions to better come to terms with things (counselling).
its a tough time but you will find a way through it, things can and will get better. The fact that you are writing on here indicates that you want to get better and because you want to then you will find a way. xx
For anxiety I find that controlled breathing and learning about anxiety helps me a lot. As well as meditation (mindfulness meditation) and ensuring that I have at least one meaningful activity in my life that I enjoy... regardless of what else is going on in my life....
Indeed, you are not alone! Already several people responded on your post! Great stuff.
The anticonception pill is a pill that basically prevents you from getting pregnant. That is the first function. But it often helps with migraines and other hormonal complains, like endo and fibroids (I come in this category). In a normal situation you take the pill for 28 days, then have a stop for 7 days. In the 7 days you will have your period. If you have a lot of problems like, say, migraines or PMS, you can take it continiously (without the 7 day break). This will mean you do not have any periods and this also means the PMS stays away. Well, almost away. So I can recommend it. I take Femodette. It is light and does not give you any mood swings or swollen legs, like other anticonception pills do. Unfortunately, any pelvic/endo pain does NOT go away, but at least I do not have to deal with horrible heavy periods and head cracking migraines.
Therapy is a very good option, Jesse. If your GP does not want to prescribe it, get a second opinion. I would get a second opinion anyway regarding any hormonal treatment and/or anticonception pills. It is YOUR body and you have to live with it, not the GP. This is your road on recovery, not the GP's.
Anyway, you asked about my husband and I and how we deal with his depression and anxiety. Well, I am lucky Michael is basically "half man/half women". He loves to talk and he talks like a women. Most men hide their feelings, but Michael is different. It really comes down to communications. I listen and he talks. Sometimes I get really tired when he goes round and round in circles, but it is up to me to make him come out of it. I distract him with TV (usually comedy helps or a intense drama). Or I make him phone his father.
He also sees a holistic therapist (once a month) for Indian Head Massage. I really can recommend this. It makes him more centred and relaxed.
So, coming back to your bf, perhaps you can ask him when you become really upset, or angry, he should try and listen to you and then distract you with something nice. Something that makes you a bit happier. It is important to get out of the loop first. In the mean time try and get some therapy. I know you can do this.
After being diagnosed with Endometriosis I also spiraled into a depression. It was so unlike me since I was always proud to be the strong one in difficult circumstances but Endo really beat me down. I had such bad, chronic pain for so long and was misdiagnosed until just last year. It really does take a toll on both your body and mind but like some of the prior post, the anti-contraception pill really helped balance my moods. My period would come in 3 week segments but now I skip periods and do the every 3 month cycle. It has really helped my moods (the pain was helped with lap surgery) and helps me cope with Endo a little better though there are still bad days they don't compare to what they were. Also, I don't know if this is the case for you but when I was 22 and had just finished college, me and my girlfriends all suffered from one form of depression or another. Many of my friends sought professional help and it really made a difference for them. It's a tough time and a hard realization once you are done with University. The difference between what you imagined and reality are sometimes very hard to cope with and that's not even counting how difficult endometriosis is on it's own. I definitely think counseling would be great help. Hope you feel better xx
I can't describe how helpful everyone's advice has been... It's really lovely. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply to me. This forum is a sanctuary for people who are suffering and need some help. You all have inspired me to help others who are going through this and to not give up myself. It's beautiful,
I used to suffer terribly with PMS to the point that I actually wanted to kill people on occasion - just because I'd looked at them!? It was really scary and I understand exactly how you feel
Luckily as I've gotten older the PMS has eased off despite the endo getting worse, but that may just be because I've learnt to control it more.
I've had a few recommendations from GP's, the best one was to take B vitamins, they do actually help a little and I think they are good for depression too.
Best of luck with finding ssomething that works for you. xx
Hi Jesse I know this post was put up 3 yrs ago and I really hope this gs have improved for you. I have suffered with painful periods and horrendous pmt since I was a teenager and I'm now nearly 40, i was diagnosed with endometriosis 2 yrs ago and the depression and anger you feel is how I am every month, the only time I gto relief from the excruciating pain and pms mood swings is when I was pregnant. I really hope that knowing that you are not alone really helps you as it has helped me, I just wish men understood more what we go through, wishing you and fellow endo sufferers well, God bless you xx
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