Pain all in my head

[BEAN6788]

Hello,

I am just starting another period, it will be here in a few days probably. I can tell because the cramps are ramping up. I always get quite emotional at this time.

Every month, I have a handful of days where I am pain free. No pelvic tenderness, no cramping, no nausea, no leg pain, no exhaustion. And in those days, even when it's only 3 or 4, I manage to convince myself that maybe the pain is all in my head. Maybe it's not as bad as I remember. Maybe, there's actually nothing wrong with me at all. Then the pain comes back, and I find myself grieving for my health all over again and berating myself for believing it might not return. Every month it's the same -"maybe this one will be different" "it can't be as bad as I remember" etc

I'm not sure why I'm posting. I think it's because I feel lonely, and sad that I put myself through this every time.

[Scoutybob]

I completely get where you're coming from with this. I think it must be similar to mums blocking out childbirth pain. Every month I'm doing this on pain free days, somehow I really quickly convince myself to forget and then it suddenly hits me like a brick again and I remember I'm not making it up! And it gets worse each time and it's hard not to get despondent and down about it. I really do feel for you and I promise your not alone in the convincing yourself to 'forget' x

[BEAN6788 in reply to Scoutybob]

Thank you, you've hit the nail on the head. I suppose it must be some twisted coping mechanism. And I really appreciate you responding, it's good to know that I am not alone. X

[Loveneige]

You are not imagining it. I too am like you in that I hang on for those few days of less or no pain. One month I didnt get those days and it was continual pain for months and it crippled me. This last month was total opposite and I had 2 weeks of being pain free!! I dont know why it happened but I felt like a huge weight had been lifted and I got my smile back. I'm saying this as it made me realise just how bad it had been and that we put up with so much and it is real!!! Im not a wimp and it's horrendous what we put up with. Who knows what the next months will bring!

[BEAN6788]

That's it - the unpredictability is so challenging, keeping us on our toes and unable to prepare or plan. And the contrast between the bad weeks and good days is especially stark!

[1Poppy1234]

I know totally what you mean, you try and think it's going to go and it doesn't it's very hard isn't it. Have you tried heat pads? Relaxation techniques having a soak in the bath? Having a good friend to talk to helps too doesn't it.

[BEAN6788 in reply to 1Poppy1234]

Thank you, I've found a bit water bottle helps, do heat pads stick on? I'll give those try. I find it hard to talk to my friends. They're sympathetic, but I feel like they will get sick of hearing me moan. I tend to refer to the endo in passing. Maybe I should try to be more open about it. Thank you for responding x

[1Poppy1234 in reply to BEAN6788]

Avoid friend will read up on it and be able to help you just vent about it a bit. I know the pain doesn't go but you feel people understand more when you don't feel up to doing things. 🥰

[1Poppy1234 in reply to 1Poppy1234]

Sorry a good friend I meant

[wonderlander]

Every now and then the severe pain just won’t happen that month - it’s painful still but manageable. And I think it’s all in my head! But then the next month it’s back and I think to myself.. no, no, you’re definitely not making it up

[BEAN6788 in reply to wonderlander]

That's right! I tell myself - you must remember this, remember this pain and how you're feeling - it's real!! I wonder if it's partly habit, after years of not being diagnosed, of thinking maybe I just can't cope - a bad mental habit

[Endofitall]

100%! think many of us do this