This is my first post. This isn't the beginning of my journey, but it's the beginning of me recording it.
Ever since I was a little girl I have dreamt of having children. Not a wedding. Not a career. A baby.
I am having a laparoscopy to discover the extent of my endometriosis. I struggle with daily activities and pop more pain killers than a drug addict, but somehow I still pick myself up and go to work. Each day wears me out. I work full time in retail, its a extremely active job and I am in the management team. The more I work the more I struggle. Its a constant battle.
I wake up every night in pain with my stomach,mainly on my lower left side. I feel like crying but my stupid antidepressants hold me back from releasing my frustration. So I bottle it up.
All I want is for the pain to stop and be told that I can have a baby. I want to be normal. I wonder if this is my pay back for being suicidal in the past. Maybe its because I'm not supposed to be a mother.