Infertility

[Aardvarks]

I realised today that I have liked every single picture of my colleagues baby that she has ever posted… it’s a bit embarrassing.

I am also asked on a near daily basis at work when I’m likely to have one of my own… trying not to respond with anger. I would never dare to ask anyone that question, but maybe it’s because of my own experiences.

I worry about how I will feel when my friends start having children… I would like to be happy for them but feel it will be tinted with sadness.

[ZiggyandBC]

Hi, I totally relate to this ❤️ The fertility forum on here is amazing with lots of support. I have endo too and I’m going to be starting my first round of IVF soon. Sending you lots of love x

[Aardvarks in reply to ZiggyandBC]

Thanks I will check it out!

[Moonglo]

Hallo! I know how you feel. People are only trying to be friendly by asking a seemingly harmless question. The only thing you can control is how you respond:

You could shut down the question by saying you can’t have kids (no further explanation needed). Or you can just say, “I’m not planning to yet” and not even have the discussion. Nothing wrong with that, and I’ve done this myself when I haven’t been in the mood to engage in the conversation.

Or you could say why, like “I can’t have kids because I have endometriosis” which is also a good way to introduce people to the condition. This takes a little more courage because you’re showing a vulnerability, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You might even find other people have similar issues, but ultimately it’s a deeply personal decision.

I find a huge problem with our condition is the embarrassment and stigma associated with talking about periods, wombs, vaginas, etc. If we want to educate our friends, colleagues and doctors, we need to be prepared to be open about it. I hope you find the right support for this. Xx

[Aardvarks in reply to Moonglo]

In a strange way, it is not the mechanics of endometriosis that causes me embarrassment… working at the hospital where I was originally referred, it’s as if everyone has ‘seen it’… it sounds strange but it’s almost like admitting that I want to have children itself is embarrassing. Probably because it exposes my vulnerability, my personal desires and inability.

I have told very few friends and relatives about my condition and prognosis. I am much more likely to tell a stranger!

I hadn’t really thought of the ‘can’t have children’ option when responding. I think I will make that my standard answer and just elaborate when I feel like I want to…

[Dorea]

Hi there, like many others I can relate to this. I was asked so many times before my ectopic, and obviously, most people have no idea I had that due to endo. But today if I get asked the question when will I have my baby I just simply tell them I have endo so I don't know yet if I'll be able to fall pregnant again or have a viable pregnancy. It might sound harsh but at least they know what's going on, and because there's nothing to be ashamed of, I can educate them.

[Aardvarks]

Sorry to hear about the ectopic pregnancy. You’re right about educating people, they’re obviously not asking to cause upset.