Mental elf (or health) struggles at Christmas

[Purple_Badgers]

Please ignore this one if you’re a real Xmas person and it makes you happy/helps you cope with everything…To me, particularly this year, Christmas feels much more like an unwanted stress than a joyful celebration. I feel pressure to socialise, visit or have visitors. I have felt enormous pressure to spend money that I don’t have. In previous years, I’ve exhausted myself doing lots of running around and put Xmas on my credit card, organised family get-togethers, hosted meals etc etc. These days I just don’t have the energy or income for it.

I can’t blame it all on endo of course - I was never that sociable in the first place and have always felt a bit down in the winter months (possibly SAD?). But Xmas revolves around family & children a lot, which is triggering for me because of infertility & childlessness. And the reason I have no money & can’t participate in the festivities is because I’m too unwell to work. Feeling quite depressed… anyone out there feel similar?

Anyway, I won’t moan any more, just wanted to mention that things can seem a whole lot worse at this time of year when you’re being bombarded with jollity from every direction and you’re just not into it… 😂 I’ll feel better by March/April, I’m sure! Wishing peace & good health to all xxx

[Moon_maiden]

Moan away 🙂 we need to or go stir crazy, although that bit may have happened 🙄I feel exactly the same this year, certainly don’t have money to waste as currently no income and no benefits, so living off savings.

Still bought some stuff, but small.

Having spent today at A&E I’m knackered and hating it all. This is what the forum is for.

[EndoJaz in reply to Moon_maiden]

Hope u r ok MM x

[Moon_maiden in reply to EndoJaz]

Thank you, they gave me sustained release morphine capsules, one twice a day. See how it goes.How are you? Think Xmas period will be ok for you?

[Purple_Badgers in reply to Moon_maiden]

Thanks, MM! Sorry to hear you were in A&E & hope the new capsules do the trick. Xxx

[Moon_maiden in reply to Purple_Badgers]

Hoping so, thank you. It’s just so humiliating that you feel you have to beg because they don’t have an inkling of what it really feels like.

How is your day going?

[Purple_Badgers in reply to Moon_maiden]

Ugh, and they probably look at you suspiciously, as if you’re making it all up to get painkillers…It’s not been too bad today, me and the other half keeping ourselves to ourselves mostly. Opened an amazingly thoughtful present from my sis-in-law. An electric heated cushion!! Not tried it yet, but I can see it getting a lot of use 😀 Enjoy your evening xxx

[Moon_maiden in reply to Purple_Badgers]

Great present 🙂 she understands

Quiet at home, managed some chocolate log, just because and ignore consequences 😂

[EndoJaz]

Oh yes I feel the same, have drastically cut down on things this year and just said to people I ain’t doing presents and most people r relieved, just tell people. It’s a horrible time of the year thinking of people not with us and like u I hate the winter months. Roll on March x

[Purple_Badgers in reply to EndoJaz]

Yeah, after worrying about it for weeks, I just had to tell people straight- sorry I have no spare money for Xmas pressies this year. People have been nice about it, but I feel so weird and guilty… if I’d got round to it sooner, I might have been able to stop them buying me pressies. Ah well… Thanks for letting me know it’s not just me who could happily hibernate through winter!

[Nicjane]

I seen many posts like this today so you are not alone, i also find it stressful. Don't feel bad to want time to yourself for reading, movies, bath or shower and some snacks. Feel the cosiness as much as possible, we will get through winter and get through tomorrow like we have done today. Best wishes to you, take care of yourself. We feel pressure to feel jolly because of the big build up from September to now.

I am also too unwell to work at the moment but I won't put myself through pressure and pain of working just for 24 hours

I had a few tears today myself, but there will be more smiles in the future. I wish you a day of cosiness, thank you for sharing your feelings many I'm sure also feel the same as I do too

best wishes you are not alone in this!

😊💫

[Moon_maiden in reply to Nicjane]

Hope you feel better, at least some way, soon 🙂

[Nicjane in reply to Moon_maiden]

Thank you so much! Started to have a flare an hour ago so heatpad in bed tonight. Definately hoping for specialist surgery in 2022! Sadly pains don't understand a calender😂 i hope you have been well yourself Moon_maiden😊

[Moon_maiden in reply to Nicjane]

Did heat pad work? Hopefully it’s easier today. Last couple weeks not good, now trying background slow release morphine tablets. 🤞 surgery was the 4th now postponed. It was pretty quick seeing someone A&E yesterday, then took forever for script to be right. Took the dr three attempts 🤣 so glad I can smile about it at the moment

Can’t get any worse 😂

How’s your day going generally?

[Nicjane in reply to Moon_maiden]

Its the most comforting thing, doctors refuse to give me pain medication🙄 I'm sorry to hear you had a not so good for weeks. Any sign of a rescheduled date? Fingers crossed for you! Oh wow glad it got sorted in the end sounds like a pain mind.

Todays been well thank you. Hopefully seeing family who i havent seen in a year later I'm hoping my stomach can tolerate😂 felt a few lightning pains here and there. hope you had a good day please keep us updated on your surgery and other things😊 best wishes❤💚

[Moon_maiden in reply to Nicjane]

Thank you, I’m hoping won’t be long and will do 🙂Hope the evening goes well and not too much discomfort.

Don’t let drs tell you what’s ‘best’, if you don’t mind potential reactions and then you can stop, the only person they are thinking of is themselves. They are scared to breath these days but that’s their lack of confidence in helping not the patients, sorry high horse again 🤦‍♀️😂

[Nicjane in reply to Moon_maiden]

Got my fingers crossed for you. They think paracetmol covers the pain.... I feel so judged. Even chicken out everytime i go to ring them. My mam saw state i was in last night and agreed i need an op soon a proper one😊 hey i love to hear it i need to hear it i wish i had the confidence as some of you lovely people. But i will grow and learn. Had this since i was 11 now I'm 23 and doctors still think they know best😅

Wish you a lovely day 😊

[Moon_maiden in reply to Nicjane]

It’s hard to make phone calls at time, I don’t think you chicken out, you know you get crap responses and then feel let down. If it’s GP use the econsult so much easier. Trust me learning is continuous with anything 😂

You’re doing the right thing in getting sorted now. Mine is bad as I left it way too long.

[Nicjane in reply to Moon_maiden]

I try to push myself a bit more 2022 is the year i want this sorted. I have pain around the pouch of douglas area where endo was left 4 years ago. Thank you for reassurance! 😊 always here for a chat!

[Purple_Badgers in reply to Nicjane]

Thanks so much xxx I agree, lots of self-care is due and will just take each day as it comes. Feels good to admit that all is not okay. I knew this would be a safe place to get it all out! Cheers - here’s to happier times ahead! Xxx

[Nicjane in reply to Purple_Badgers]

We can't abandon ourselves in these occasions. Our needs are more important than peoples wants. Yesterday i had a pretty bad day, today has been better but each day is different. But never feel bad for saying its not okay, remember better days are ahead.

If i feel a bad few hours ahead i get a book, lots of audiobooks are free on YouTube and live in a story for a little bit forget about the everyday stresses for a moment to breath. YOU deserve it.

Always a safe space here. When i woke up i immediately thought of this forum! We will look forward with hope but always remember its great to vent i do it all the time 😂

Best wishes to you 😊💚

[SK2021]

Hope you’re ok! Always happy to talk if you need someone xx

[Purple_Badgers in reply to SK2021]

Thank you! Xxx I’ll be ok… it’s great knowing there’s so much support on here from people who know exactly what you’re going through. Much love xxx

[TinyRoo]

Hi,

I'm feeling the same this year. I've always found it a bit of a draining process and don't have kids and probably infertile with extensive endo and adenomyosis. I find its difficult dealing with expectations and also not having the money or energy to manage independently. I tend to push myself as not very good saying no can't do then consequences later.. otherwise it leads to arguments n resentment as it seems like they think I'm making it up as an excuse. Although slightly different, I completely understand how you feel and have shed tears over the fact I'm not in control of anything anymore..

Sorry this is super negative

Hope your keeping ok x

[Purple_Badgers in reply to TinyRoo]

Ah, no worries, Roo! It just goes to show that even though we’re exhausted and in pain, we’re still there doing our best for friends & family, trying to keep everything together. And I think we’re allowed to feel sad & shed a few tears over what we’ve lost and the struggles that may be ahead. Look after yourself xxx

[Ttlaroo]

You have summed up how I feel. I’m sorry you feel this way too x

[Purple_Badgers in reply to Ttlaroo]

❤️ I feel better confessing it… and knowing I’m not entirely mad to feel this way. It will be better when all the fuss has died down, maybe after new year? (There’s another thing I’ll be mostly avoiding! 😂) Take care xxxx

[emm27]

Hi, sorry to say I feel exactly the same. I have cut all family off now, fed up of baby pics and news of little so and so. Not 1 of them asks about me or understands how insensitive they can be. All I ever wanted was to be a mom, I was told 9 years ago IVF was the only way, then last year after a lap, being told I had clips on my tubes, which were removed (the clips), and told I COULD conceive naturally- 9 years wasted and too late now. And another relationship ruined means I woke up alone and in tears today, and to top it off, started bleeding, happy days, pass me the Prosecco 😆 Rant over, take care of yourself warriors xxx

[Purple_Badgers in reply to emm27]

💔 it really does sting… I don’t know anyone who has been unable to have children. Big brother didn’t want them, little brother got two, cousins got kids, best friend got five, all other mates got kids even if some of them had a bit of trouble getting pregnant for a while… We had 1 round of ivf that failed and couldn’t afford any more. To be honest, we left it a bit late, and if I’d had more of a clue about endo I might have sought treatment for that (& had free ivf on the nhs) much sooner, and could have been a mother. I don’t even talk to my partner about it now, because he has children too (my lovely step-sons) so he’ll never fully understand. Anyway, got to make the best of things and I truly hope you’ve had a good day anyway, despite everything xxxx