Feeling low and off work alone.

[EndoEffect]

Had my first laparoscopy nearly three weeks ago. I was given a two week sick note. I still felt unable to go back into work this week so have had my sick note extended. I have only told one of my friends, who is very understanding. I haven’t told my family or boyfriend that I’m not in work. My boyfriend is working away all this week. I live with him. On the one hand it is nice to have to space and time alone to rest. But on the other hand I feel guilty for not being in work and for not being truthful. My family and boyfriend have a very strong work ethic and never take time off work (they never get ill). When they have known I have taken time off in the past, they tend to either make me feel bad about it because I am not earning money, or they tell me how much they worry and that it affects them and they can’t sleep at night. I am supply staff. I only get paid for the hours that I work. It’s so hard balancing money and finances alongside my health. I just needed to share this with someone. I know that some will say that I should be honest whether my family and boyfriend like it or not, but I’ve spoken to a few counsellors about this over the years and with the amount of anxiety it causes me, it just isn’t worth it. My boyfriend and family are otherwise amazing and really look after and take care of me. I just feel alone sometimes. And guilty for not being able to work consistently. The burden of finances falls on my boyfriend and it must be a lot of pressure for him to pay the mortgage, bills and buy all of our food and drink etc without any help.

Does anyone else have similar issues? X

[Jbp2]

Hi there. I just wanted to say thanks for sharing and hope you are feeling you are improving. I also was given two weeks off and felt pressured to come back to work early by work. My family were oblivious to the operation and the diagnosis and I felt alone in that, but my husband knew how much pain I was in and he tried hi best to understand but it was hard. One thing I would say is that I really regret going back to work after the two weeks, I was not ready and I felt it really hindered the recovery. If you don’t feel ready that’s all that matters. If you decide to tell you bf, it could work out to be a relief for you. Even if he was annoyed I’m sure it’d only be because he didn’t know you were still in recovery, and that feeling would be temporary. It’s a tough time after surgery for the first while, you know what’s best for your body. From what you said, everyone cares about you a lot and that wouldn’t change whether they understand or not!

[EndoEffect in reply to Jbp2]

Thank you Jbp2. I really appreciate your reply. My boyfriend is the type of person who hasn’t had a single day off sick in 15 years and works 6 days a week in a physical job. He does not understand what it means to need to take even a day off because you feel unwell. I just feel that people who don’t have a chronic illness don’t understand what it’s like at all. X

[Laura_T]

Don’t feel guilty for taking longer off. You know your body and if you aren’t ready then don’t go back. I took 5 weeks off, I had some complications and that’s why I took longer off. Going back to work was hard and I actually thought that was too soon when I was there. My husband is working away and like you I don’t get sick pay with my job. I told him I couldn’t go back and asked him to pay my bills etc and he did. He’s the same never off sick and I felt really awkward and embarrassed to ask him, like you probably feel. But he was totally understanding. Maybe your partner will surprise you if you tell him. Hope you feel better soon. Don’t be so hard on yourself.x

[Afrohair]

Hiya love I have took time of work endo related and it will be my partners job to help if needed although I’m very good at budgeting my side of the bills I have been given sick pay so im quite lucky I’m on my 4th week of work and our health is more important than work in my opinion sending hugs try not to worry you can message me personally if you want to chat