Alone and panicking

I had my first lap on Friday which confirmed and removed a severe amount of endo. My boyfriend has been wonderful all weekend doing everything around the house for me and generally keeping me calm and happy. He left for his navy base a few hours who leaving me alone for the week. To start with I was fine and continued resting on the sofa in front of rubbish tv. It has now dawned on me that I am alone and keep getting really panicky! I feel so pathetic as I have lived alone for a couple of years and have actually been looking forward to having a few days to myself not really doing anything. I don't know if my hormones have been put out of whack because of the lap or what, but I wish this feeling would pass so that I can get on with things! Well, as much as I can whilst on bed rest!

9 Replies

  • Have you got siblings or mum or dad or best chums to come round and stay a few days. You ought not to be on your own this close to coming out of hosp incase you have a set back like a blood clot or infection takes hold or some other incident that requires you to get back to hospital asap. Have the Navy got a welfare department you can call to get someone near by to come and stay for a few days or even pop in twoce a day to check on you?

    Ideally you should try an have someone nearby for a week or so, just to be on the safe side and help you out so you are not bending down or lifting shopping bags or anything too strenuous too soon.

    Your hormones will be out of whack right now anyway, which doesn;t help and post op depression is common which with panic attacks will not be helping your recovery.

    Try and get someone to come stay for a bit, to keep you company, or come and collect you so you can go stay with them. You really shouldn't be alone yet and I suspect you kind of know that, which is why your head it telling you by causing a wee panic.

    A lap is a big op, it's not like having a tooth extracted.

    Hugs to you and please get some to rescue you.

  • Heya,

    As Impatient says it would be good to have some people around, or at least someone you can call if you need to who knows what's going on and who can check in on you.

    It is understandable that you aren't feeling great, you are not pathetic. Your body and mind have just been through a lot and it takes time to adjust.

    If you are having panic attacks there are a few simple things you can do to reduce your anxiety when you have the panics.

    The first and simplest thing is, when you start to panic you breathe in more than you breathe out. This is a "fight or flight" reaction and causes too much oxygen to be intered into your blood stream. This would be fine if you were about to fight a bear or run away from one but less useful in modern times.

    Too much oxygen causes a lot of the symptoms associated with panic. Sweatyness, dizzyness, nausia etc and this can increase anxiety further and further

    The simplest way to reduce this is to breathe out more than you breathe in.

    I try breathing in for 3 seconds and out for 6 seconds for a while and this can help with acute moments of anxiety.

    Here is a free online clock to help.

    Also here are some relaxation exercises that you can use to help you. This have been really useful to many people with anxiety. Maybe stick to the breathing exercises while you are healing and use the muscle tightening and loosening relaxation when you have healed up a bit more

  • Hey,

    Sorry to hear your diagnosis! I understand how you feel my other half works in the forces and we can't come home for my lap on 9th it's horrible them having to leave!

    My mum is a great support so try and get someone around as you really need to take it easy especially after what you've been through!! Just try and think positive things always seem more daunting when you feel poorly let alone ill!

    Hope you manage to calm down and relax.


  • Thank you. It's nice to read words of support. My family live about an hour away but I have friends a 15/20 min drive away. I have someone booked in to check on me mid this afternoon which I am trying to use to keep me going. Worst case scenario, my landlord lives next door although they are away tue-wed this week! I have been offered a bed at both my mums house or my dads which would mean either contending with a boisterous cat and wobbly toilet seat or a heavy smoker and blow up air bed. Hence why I want to stay in my own home!

    I went to bed early and went into deep sleep for a couple hours but woke up overheating (left the electric blanket on) and with a tummy ache. I have had tummy ache on and off since my boyfriend left which I am sure comes down to the fact I still cannot do a number 2 properly! Too much information I am sure but I am struggling to use the right muscles! Good job it's not full on constipation otherwise I'd be in real trouble!

    Lauren, you are right it is awful when they have to leave! Normally I would distract myself by blitzing the house after he has gone, keeps me busy and satisfies my OCD. This time, I had to get him cleaning before he left! Good job he's usedtp getting orders!


  • I hope things improve quickly; the body and mind are so connected that it's no surprise you'd be feeling panicked. I think it's great to have someone around but far from necessary; complications of surgery are very rare and you can easily establish a time at which you're supposed to check in each day with a friend or family member who agree to show up if you don't. I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend is so supportive! And I really hope you feel better very quickly. Just allow yourself as much time to rest as possible. Every time I have this surgery, I underestimate how long it'll take to recover and it only takes longer if you push yourself too early. Hopefully the week will fly by and you'll have your boyfriend home again. :)

  • Been through pretty well exactly the same in past years. Lap finding extensive endo and adhesions.

    Not sure what organs where affected in your case, but mine was ovary stuck to bowel and fallopian tube stump (prev removed) stuck to bowel and it had travelled into my stomach. A lap itself is not hugely invasive, it is what they find that can be and how much excision surgery they ultimately have to perform, especially if bowel or bladder involved! I stayed with a friend after mine but because of the terrible pain and affects of anaesthetic for days afterwards, I was extremely emotional and remember crying alot and feeling my poor friend considered me a nuisance and didn't understand. I now know that this wasn't true, anaesthetics can make you feel a bit mentally unstable and with the pain, symptoms. It will pass I promise you. I live alone after failed relationships and adhesions and diverculitis after years of endo problems and ops is again an issue.

    I have decided that the next surgery I have, which could well be fairly major ie hysterectomy/bowel ressection, that I would rather be at my own home, surrounded by my own things. Maybe for the first couple of nights I might have to be with someone but as long as you have good neighbours, friends or family who can pop in and help you and check if you need anything, it is possible to cope.

    I don't for a minute suggest you go without 'back up' support ie shopping, maybe a friend or neighbour could make some extra dinner and bring a meal round to make sure you eat properly

    and have a coffee and chat with you, collect prescriptions and take you to the Gp for appointments and keep a phone close to you so you can call for help even if you just want to chat to someone

    for support. Also be in contact with your local endometriosis support group at this time. I have a rescue cat now who hates catteries, so another reason for preferring to be at home. Actually, I noticed you commented about a boisterous cat belonging to a place you could stay. Perhaps a gentle pussycat would be good company at this time! Finally, I remember about the 'bowels not working properly after such an op'. Again, the anaesthetic can play havoc with your bowels and you often need a stool softener like Lactalose or Fybogel to help things along. I wouldn't suggest a harsher laxative like Senna yet as after an op any sudden bowel movements after truama would be painful. Lactalose is gentle and softens things, maybe your Gp could order this for you. Finally, I am a big fan of Mindfulness Meditation which is now being taken up by the NHS and worldwide. It can help soften pain through breathing and focus and is a brilliant tool for anxiety and panic. Jon Kabatt Zinn has some good utube videos that explain this further. Hope some of this helps.

  • I was shocked when he told me how much there was so didn't fully absorb all of the information. The worst part had joined my ovary to the cervix which explains why I was having so much pain and bleeding on intercourse.

    I have a friendly cat coming to stay Tuesday to Thursday. Hopefully she will help me stay calm. I will definately try out the meditation too, it will probably help with sleeping too as night seems to be worst.

    Only 5 hours and my friend is coming over :-) I'm in constant contact with my mum too so she knows I'm ok.

    Does anyone have any advice on clothing?! The stitches keep catching on mg knickers and trousers. At the moment I have been using a bit if tissue folded over the knicker line and not even bothering with trousers... It's not like I'm going anywhere but feel I should make the effort for visitors. Teehee!


  • Aw, bless you. I had my 5th lap to remove ovary/endo/adhesions on Thurs and I'm alone and panicking too. You'd think I'd be used to it by now but I find this period quite scary and isolating. There is nothing worse than losing your independence.

    I second what the other's have said, if you can have someone with you, even for a short time that would ideal. I'm sure it'd help your peace of mind also to know there is someone you can call on should you need them. It's unlikely anything would happen, but it might help you to know someone could reach you if it did.

    I just wear jogging bottoms after my ops. More specifically yoga pants as they're so baggy at the top. Your visitors really will not mind if you're in your pjs, but jogging bottoms are the most comfortable I could find.

    So sorry for your news, but glad you've had treatment now and good luck with your healing x

  • Thanks for all of your support. I had a friend visit for a few hours this afternoon. She did my washing up and a few odd things to help out which was great. I have next doors cat coming to stay tomorrow and a friend coming over for dinner. Feeling much more positive today despite the hormones still being up the creek! Today's big episode was me bursting into tears after burning some scotch pancakes in the toaster! Oh dear!

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