Dear Endometriosis Sufferers,
I am losing my sh*t right now!
Quick history - after years and years of excruciating pain during period, for which I was told "suck it up, it is just a period", the situation became so bad I wasn't able to walk. After an A&E visit on suspition of kidney or appendix problem, I was referred to a gyno. He decided a lap is needed to confirm a suspition of endo. The lap was done in 2017, I was almost killed on the table after the surgeon stroke an artery in my tummy and DIDN'T(!) call a vascular collegue but decided to try and stop with some medicine. So I bleed and bleed and bleed...for three hours....Whatever....Surgery was a success, according to (same) surgeon. I did have a pain relief - for about 4 months.....After that - "Hello darkness, my old friend". I was indirectly called crazy, because "we did the surgery, pain is in your head". Ok, various therapies were tried, from pain management to hormonal one - nothing worked. My biggest problem was the same sharp pain on the right....."It's in your head" - the most humiliating sentense! I had many advices from gp's, from "just get pregnant - it will cure the endo" to "probably your nerves are damaged". At the end I managed to convince my gp to send me for ultrasound, external. OMG, the technician was an outright sadist! I have had external ultrasound before, nobody ever pressed me, this guy though!!!! It was more painful that waking up from surgery. His findings - cyst, 2.5 cm, right ovary. He wanted to perform an internal ultrasound - I refussed!.......Was told it is normal to have cysts, should just monitor it.....Now fast-forward some months, my hubby and I moved to Germany. Finding a speciallist here was not an easy task. I was told (again) pain is in my head. I was told (even thought I shared my plans for starting a family) I should opt for the depo shot....
And finally - certified endo clinic! Appointment today! Doc (woman) extremely careful, internal ultrasound painful, but she tried her best, apologised many times. She believed me when I said it hurts ALL THE TIME, IT BLOODY HURTS ALL THE TIME....I am so tired of this pain......Her findings - endo cyst right ovary 4cm, endo cyst left ovary 2.5cm, nod upper uterus, possible nods pouch of douglas. Scheduled for a surgery in little over 2 weeks.
The problem - even thought the left cyst is smaller, it completely covered and absorbed my ovary - she can't save it. Needs to be removed...Possible removal of right ovary if things go south. She is going to check my tubes, if they are fucked - removal of tubes. She can't remove nod on uterus, too dangerous. Even if it is malignant it is too small , she said, should not kill me.Now - pouch of douglas. If the nods are too big she needs to call a general surgeon because part of my rectum may need removal. She will wake me up to discuss it. Worse case scenario - removal of parts of my small intentines and having one of those poop bags (I AM REALLY AFRAID OF THIS POSSIBILITY).
Surgery will be long.
I AM SOOO AFRAIDDD.
Please, any words of encouragement!
I just need a female sholder(s) to cry on!
Lindle knows best - lap completed :)
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Surgery couldn't remove cyst - what next?!
