I was having a little moment feeling very overwhelmed and alone, but reading some posts on here really helped so thought I'd share my story so far.
I was diagnosed with endometriosis 4 years ago but the consultant, I later found out, wasn't a endo specialist. They removed a 12cm cyst and endo and never told me about stages or how this illness would affect my life, and were very dismissive and belittling about my questions and concerns. Me and my partner were about to start trying post lap as advised by dr; this was my partners suggestion as was going out and picking an engagement ring. However when he found out I needed a 2nd op as endo was back he left me. I felt like I lost my last chance at being a mum as well as my bestfriend, home and job (we worked together).
My drs were very dismissive and told me I was young so not to worry and that endo isn't a 'big deal' they seemed to dodge any questions. This led me to believe I was going crazy for the years to follow and that I was imagining my symptoms of chronic fatigue, nausea and leg and back pain, and I even thought I had ME as they never told me that endo can cause this. During these years the endo got worse and my urge to become a mum seemed to grow stronger whilst my faith that it would happen depleted leading to years of depression.
Ive now addressed my depression, and am feeling stronger and more focussed. I did more reading on endo and also moved finding an amazing endo consultant in my area who understands, is informative, and did an extensive op on 6/8/18. They removed lots of nasty endo and diagnosed me with stage 4 endo and adenomyosis. Dr also told me if I want a chance of having a child I need to start now. Problem is, I'm single. After much deliberation, saving, begging and borrowing I've decided to go it alone and start ivf privately, but there's a new spanner in the works, they think the endo is back as the pain has come back severely in lower ab the last few weeks.
Now I'm left wondering if it would be better to have a lap to see if it's back before starting consultations with clinics?
It definitely all is a roller coaster and there are times where the unfairness of it all gets to me, but I feel, in those moments, imagining the end goal of me holding my child are more important than ever. I guess we just try, as hard as it is, to be kind to ourselves, take one step at a time, and have hope that we'll get there in the end.
It also helps to read success stories so sometimes i search those out, or think of the people I know with endo who have successfully become mum's - there are quite a few! Lovely to read more if anyone wants to share on this thread?
For years I didn't dare to dream id get to be a mum, and this led to a lot of emotional pain but I've been doing reading and have read that positive visualisation can help. Has anyone else read this? Now I have little moments where I sit and imagine being pregnant and imagine my life with a beautiful baby and it makes me feel happy. I figure, even if I try and it doesn't work, at least I'm happier in these moments than when I was defeated and hopeless. I think to myself that this is just the beginning so if one stage doesn't work there'll be another and one way or another through IUI, IVF or adoption I will have my child.
Thinking of my endo sisters xxx
No endo after lap...?
Lap results - stage 2 endo and adhesions 
Stage 4 Endo Treatment After Childbirth
Stage IV Endo - hysterectomy 
