Hi everyone i am very knew to this forum but I joined because I have started to display self-destructive behaviour. Often when I am sad I drink and it truly causes me to become the most horrible, hurtful person and just cause alot of drama.
For the past week I have been in non-stop pain all this while trying to get deadlines in for my masters programme (which I am on a scholarship for) and while having bad relationship problems. Last Thursday I honestly thought I was fine but I drank and performed, was horrible to a friend and cried over my ex and most importantly the fact that I am 25 and suffer from chronic pain. I woke up on Friday with everything in a mess I had to admit that I am not ok (sttuggling physically with the pain and also depressed because of it) and leave school. I am such an ambitious, driven person who does so well in school so I am taking this hard.
I also mixed very strong pills when i drunk that night so I am seeking help so that never happens again. This is not the first time I have showed such destructive behaviour and I worry people around me are getting sick of these episodes (last one was in July). I want to stop but I feel alot of this has ro do with me pretending like I am fine when having this condition and being unable to find a helpful solution for my pain has been extremely traumatic and really changed my life and limited my opportunities.
At a very low point in life.