Fed up! Painful intercourse

Morning ladies,

I'm having a real "I'm totally done with dealing with this" moment today. Ever since my laparoscopy back in May (2018) intercourse has been so painful that I really am not getting any enjoyment out of it.

I try and relax during & make out it's fine / not hurting to my partner, because I know eventually he would just become too scared to even touch me for fear of hurting me. I don't want our relationship to be ruined by this.

Prior to surgery, although I may have felt a bit tender leading up or perhaps straight after my TOM but apart from that there was no pain.. but now, it is every time and it's so intense my breath gets taken away. Is this normal after surgery? It hurts right underneath where my scars are (the left and right side of my abdomen).

If any of you have any advice or could make me feel better about what's happening it would be so appreciated. Thanks x

[luthien]

Ah noo

It sounds like you're doing all the right things; regarding relaxing and trying to enjoy it. I know you're not wanting to tell your partner you're in pain but it may be a good idea to mention it as that's part of your relationship, he expects you to talk, you trust each other so need to be honest. Perhaps have a stop word so if the pain comes on and gets too much you can stop without him worrying and asking if you're okay. You'll need to reassure him that he's not causing the pain it's something inside that isn't right. Try different positions and depth, see if anything helps a little. I get that not telling him helps for the moment but if you needed it investigating and needed another op he'd want to know why and would feel hurt if you hadn't told him as he'd think you enjoyed it as much as he did.

Anyway just thoughts on how me and my hubby coped.... xx

I would go back to your GP and mention post op complications.

It can take about 4 months for everything to fully heal and move back into place; stuff in the abdomen doesn't like being moved around. You're over those 4 months so you need to see what's not healed / not as expected.

Do you get any bleeding after sex? Any cramps? It may be worth noting down symptoms and frequency i.e. every time after sex or just sometimes. So that when you discuss it with your GP you have something to refer to. Definitely mention it was okay before the op.

Hope that all helps x

[Hidden in reply to luthien]

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear today - sometimes you just need to know you're not the only one who's had a rough time of it. I know I need to come clean with him; you're totally, right he would be crushed to know I had been putting up with the pain & avoided telling him how much I was hurting - even if it was to save his feelings.

I am not 100% on healing timescales, so I wasn't sure if my frustrations were slightly premature but as you said we are in September now so I would of thought things would have started to feel better by now - certainly not worse. I have an appointment booked with my GP for the 27th. I'm going to do as you suggested & make a note of my symptoms during/after intercourse and how long they go on for etc. There's no bleeding or cramping, but I definitely feel a sore for at least a day after underneath my scars. Fingers crossed they can either shed some light & perhaps do something about it.

Thank you again for your advice, I really appreciate it x

[luthien in reply to Hidden]

aww, no worries, lots of love and hugs xxx