New to the world of Endo

[jmcintosh]

hello my name is Jeff and I'm new to the world of Endometriosis. i live in the united states and i just started seeing a young lady that has endo.. I've known for sometime that she has this painful disease and never gave it any thought until i realized i wanted her. I am just wondering if anyone can give advice or tips so i could be more helpful to her it breaks my heart to see her in pain and seeing medication making her sick or giving her sever headaches etc etc... i want to help but I'm lost please help

[happyseal]

That is so adorable of you. I am sure that jus showing your concerns is of great help. Beside that, there are some things you might so, at least my boyfriend always try to help me. On the worst days he always prepare me teas (bay leave tea is great), hot bottle, check on me, give me lots of love (it helps gotta say), massage my back (they always hurt like hell). On the other days he is there to incentivate me to keep well, eat well, take supplements, etc.

Have to say that when people understand, give support, etc. That helps. Beside that there is not much other people can do. We do have to adopt the right diet (so support on that is great, because it is difficult to change our diet and stop eating daires, wheat, processed food, etc), workout (yoga is good and gentle), relax and avoid stress. Also supplements as magnesium and zinc help.

BY being there to support and do things together you are helping, making eating easier is of great help. It is not easy to change our whole lifestyle and it does refflect on our relationships (friends etc).

How is she doing? What treatment she decided to?

[jmcintosh in reply to happyseal]

thank you so much this texan has a lot to learn. as far as treatment i dont know yet

[Simo7]

Hi Jeff,

I think that it's lovely that you want to support your partner. Best bet is to ask her how you can help when she's feeling bad though we have the same condition, we're all different. Some people may want a cuddle & just to be sat with others may want to be alone & checked up on every now & then. Inform yourself being reading about Endometriosis at Endometriosis.org & look for "partner has endometriosis" on a search engine. I've previously read some male perspectives which were interesting. For me, my partner gets heat pads when my belly hurts, takes over the housework & cooking (naturally doing things the way I do them 😉) pops to the shop etc. be prepared that she may hurt while being intimate or after, so that may be something you need to discuss. It doesn't mean she doesn't want sex, for some that closeness is worth the pain just to feel 'normal'. Basically take it a day at a time. If she's having operations she'll need extra support physically & emotionally. Mostly just listen to her. It may seem a lot when you're starting a new relationship but endo' women appear to strong following what we have to go through, so we're worth it!

Good luck hope all works out well for you both xx

[jmcintosh in reply to Simo7]

thank you so much this texan has a lot to learn and im willing to do anything

[Simo7 in reply to jmcintosh]

Thats the spirit! Faint heart never won fair lady xx

[Scooteeder]

Wow! She's a fortunate young lady! I think it's lovely to see a guy asking about Endo, and asking what he can do to help the woman he is dating. If only more men could be this caring and supportive...

I guess Endo can b confusing to blokes - I mean, it can be confusing to us women, as well. Even when we HAVE Endo! It is NOT an easy disease to deal with, or to understand. It seems to me that Endo is seldom talked about, and as a result the general public know very little. There are a shocking number of myths about Endo that people buy into, but which are often totally misleading.

It's great that you want to be supportive of your partner. That's a start. Perhaps you could begin by talking with her about her Endo, if she wants to. That way, she knows you take an interest, and are there to talk to. By doing this, you let her know that you can be relied on, and that you are easy to open up to. Besides, it gives both of you the opportunity to ask questions - she may want to ask you things too. She can explain her symptoms if she wants, and let you know times when her Endo is at its worst. That way, if you need to plan around the illness, you maybe can. I would suggest that in this respect, it is perhaps best to allow your partner to take the lead - talking about things she feels comfortable with, and when she feels comfortable. There is nothing wrong with you asking about her medication, for instance, and why she takes it - so long as you try to be sensitive in your approach. Allow your partner to guide you in respect of what she feels comfortable discussing. Still, make sure you let her know that you are asking because you care.

Meanwhile, there is a lot of useful information about Endo on the internet - especially on websites run by specialist Endo charities such as Endometriosis UK. You could check out their site for info, and to get a better understanding of the illness. Another good website is that run by Endoresolved. Just type Endometriosis into any search engine, and you will get a lot of different websites. The more reputable ones are usually charity run - such as Endometriosis UK. You can also refine searches by typing in questions like "what are the symptoms of Endometriosis?" or "what are the usual treatments for Endometriosis?" and so forth. Don't be afraid to look for information, or to ask questions. However, do try to be careful that you only take on board reputable information.

Finally, probably the most important help you can give your partner is just being there to be supportive. Treat her like any other normal, attractive woman. Don't allow Endometriosis to become a big "bugbear" - remember that although your partner has this illness, it is not the only thing to define her. Spend time doing the things together you like doing, and celebrate all the other things about your partner that attracted you to her (and vice-versa - let her celebrate what attracts her to you). Although Endo can be a complete pain, it is made more so when permitted to interfere excessively with life. So, my advice in respect of this is to simply try as much as possible to get on with your lives irrespective of Endo. And, meanwhile, get clued up - then, when the symptoms rear their ugly head, you may both have a better idea of what to do.

Take care and all the best.

[jmcintosh in reply to Scooteeder]

thank you so much this texan has a lot to learn

[jmcintosh]

i think i can spoil her im good at that to easy to pamper for this texan