It been a while since I have posted on the page, I really apologise for this. Life has been very hectic with getting ready for my impending surgery. I go in tomorrow for my bowel prep which I am really looking forward to...not! I am all packed and ready to go. The build up to the surgery has resulted in an intensification around my endo, the surgery, the pain, the bleeding, the meds, the possible outcomes, the unknown and what the future holds. Needless to say I have felt pretty stressed out about everything. My partner and myself decided a pre op break would do us both a world of good so we headed off to a hotel recently for a few nights much needed R&R.
As I have said before my endo likes me to know that it calls the shots, its dictates what I shall and shall not do and our break away was no different. It would seem that I must have irked the endo beast by attempting to plan something nice for myself because at 6:30am the day before we were due to leave my endo released the crimson tide. I woke in horrible pain, bleeding heavily and feeling like death! But I was determined to not let it ruin my plans; naively I hoped it might even stop over night....but no...the next day I bled heavier, I even felt so drained and weak I thought I would definitely faint at some point (thankfully I did not). Still not to be deterred we headed off, stopping to buy some dark towels for me to sleep on because all hotels insist on using damn crisp white linen and bedsheets!
Since my endo had decided to play up we didn’t really make any specific plans since we weren’t sure how I would be feeling, we had a few days to ourselves with nothing specific to do and it was AMAZING! I honestly feel like a whole new woman. From the moment we landed at the hotel my endo was not talked about once. For one magical weekend we were a normal young couple, we laughed, we went on short walks, we took photographs, we watched the sunset, we drank wine on the beach, we had a romantic candlelit meal. We went for a drive around on our second day, stopping at random places of interest as we toured directionless around a rainy Ireland. Since I wasn’t exerting myself doing anything, I was just relaxing, my endo calmed down and actually seemed to enjoy the down time. Now don’t get me wrong I was always endo aware: I didn’t drink too much because alcohol infuriates the endo beast, I walked at a pace which pleased the endo, I took my pain killers when I needed to and I went to bed early to rest. But blissfully for three full days my endometriosis was not my centre focus, it was not at the forefront of my mind – rather it was nestled neatly to the side, I was aware of its presence but it did not dominate the show.
Endometriosis is such an overwhelming and dominating disease, for the most part it does (as I’ve said before) control our lives, our day to day norm. After my time away I feel that it is vitally important that every once in a while we distort our norm, we take a break, we put our day to day routine on pause and we indulge in some endo down time. Book yourself some time away, don’t make any specific plans, don’t give yourself an itinerary – live in the moment. Do what is comfortable for you in that moment, be endo aware and listen to your body but enjoy the bliss that comes from having some you time, not the usual you and endo time. I know there are always a million reasons to stop us from taking time to ourselves: work, money, family, pets but benefits of me time for an endo sufferer far outweigh the reasons not to, so go an book something for yourself today! I promise you will not be disappointed!
Original post: facebook.com/theendodiary