I can't take this anymore

[RachelRose92]

Hi ladies out there I just signed up to this in a quest to find some sort of support and understanding. I'm 23 and I live in New Zealand. I have been struggling with endometriosis for many years now. I've had the standard surgery for it but it didn't help like everything else I've tried. I feel like this disease is ruining my life. I've lost many jobs, friendships, relationships and my mind to endometriosis and I don't know what else it can take from me. Nobody seems to understand what I go through and people keep saying things like " there's worse things out there " " don't you want to do anything " " you just have to make and effort " and " it's all in your head your just pathetic " hearing these things takes me to a very dark place as I already feel depressed over the way I live anyway. I feel like I can't live a normal life and I'm unsure if I ever will. I try my very best to put on a brave face and do as much as I possibly can but it gets so exuasting I can't work as the pain is relentless and I fear that I will let people down as this disease is unpredictable. People just think I like to live like this doing nothing and bludging off tax payers money but it's just not true!!! Who wants to have no purpose sit indoors all day and have no money to buy nice things or do fun activities , it sucks I can't do that and be normal grrrr I get so frustrated because nobody seems to care unless your in a hospital. I recently moved out of a flat with my beat friend and boyfriend because I just couldn't cope with the judgement and I coudnt compete with my best friend as she became very close with my boyfriend. I just can't go do things and go out drinking like she could with him. I had to move back in with my father as it brang me to tears every time they left to do things together just thinking I was pathetic in bed. I HATE ENDOMETRIOSIS it's not fair I just want to be normal like everyone else. I have depression because of this and I just can't take it anymore ! I cry all the time I can't pretend I'm okay anymore. I feel so lost and alone......

[dollypop1994]

Hello sweetie,

Sorry you're having such a rough time of it there's nothing worse than being the one who is suffering & having people tell you to get over it or it's all in your head. They don't have a bloody clue what it's like for women like us & they'd soon change their tune if it was them. I've been through it with people too & it makes me wonder how they can just be so cold & judgemental. It must have been so horrible seeing your best friend & your boyfriend going off together too- i know if my man did that it would tear me apart.

The lovely thing about this site is that we are all in the same boat- & we are all able to support each other. There's been alot of times when I've been feeling really low & upset, & just needed someone to talk to, & been able to find support here. This horrible disease has affected so many women & it's so frustrating that there is so little known about it, & we have to put up with being told crap such as "It's all in your head" & "there are people worse off". Having your life dominated by pain, hospital appointments & medication is pretty hard to deal with. I've been ill since my early teens with alot of things, & being diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis last year just added to the problems- I can't work, I spend most of my time either in hospital or in bed in pain, I can't go out & do the things I want to do- I'm 21 years old but feel about 90. It's so frustrating & I really do feel sad knowing that so many of us are having our lives pulled apart by this horrible illness. You don't need to feel alone anymore though- all we can do is be here to support each other because we are all going through the same thing.

Please try not to let those idiotic comments get to you hun- they are obviously very shallow & judgemental people who don't have a clue what it is like for women like us, & people like that aren't worth your time or effort. All you need to focus on is you- you are the one going through this, not them. If you need someone to talk to at any time then feel free to message me & I'll be happy to listen

Big hugs hun xxxxxxxxx

[RachelRose92 in reply to dollypop1994]

Thanks for your reply 💜 oh my goodness I wish so badly I could pass on this pain and exuastion onto people just for one day then have the satisfaction on saying I told you so. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy it's a nightmare

My x partner has chosen to stay behind with my so called best friend and she is acting like she is taking my place, bing him things cooking for him etc like what the ? It's so tormenting

I've seen sites like this before and found comfort in just reading other ladies stories but things have just gotten so heavy for me I needed to vent and even just writing it down and knowing someone cares and is willing to show support means the absolute world so thankyou x

Even though it's a relief to know I am not alone I am also so so so sad to know that you and others feel this pain and go through this struggle and yes we all need to stick together in a hope that one day we will have a voice that will heard.

I'm so sorry about your struggle love I wish I could take it away nobody deserves to feel like this. And I feel like it's always the good kind people that suffer. And the shitty people get to be free of anything close to what we go through. I can't help but get so envious and mad about it

I'm going away to my grandmother's out of town to clear my head and try get a tiny bit of sanity back and try my best to be postive, deactivating all social media accounts has definitely helped

Thank you so much for your kind words and support love it means alot.

Xoxoxoxoxoxox

[Kez83]

Hello,

So sorry to hear how you're feeling. You're definitely not alone. This is a great group with really good advice so make sure you have a look through it. I haven't long since joined myself and in do glad I did.

I'm sorry I don't know how health care works in New Zealand to give any advice there but hopefully someone on here may be more useful!

I've only recently been diagnosed at 31, although in the back of my mind I'd always suspected it. That said I'm really still processing what it all means and passionately hate the fact that it has some control over my life. I'd always be the first person to say I hated work but at the minute I feel so lucky to work when I hear about others who can't. You hit the nail on the head with inconsistency! People judge very quickly and make you feel like you're making excuses. I'm big and ugly enough to take it now and often wonder if I'll end up on some kind of endo crusade 😊 but to be 23 is a very different world. I wouldn't have been as strong as you have been to share your story on here so you're doing the right thing to look after yourself. Try to keep your head high and put yourself first. If the people around you aren't helping don't focus on them, just focus on you. Endo isn't fun but there's lots of us about to get guidance from so don't suffer alone and don't let it win.

Welcome to the group xx

ps Are you getting any medical help with your depression?

[RachelRose92 in reply to Kez83]

Hey there 💗

I'm so glad I ditched Facebook and joined this site I've never felt so understood until now.

The heath care here is sorry for my language but is bullshit. You basically have to scream and make a huge fuss to even get awknoleged. I've been sent on my way with a bunch of medications that just don't work feeling like nobody actually knows what to do for me

Going through this has definitely caused me to mature rapidly so I'm starting to learn who and what is good for me to have in my life and I'm also learning that I have to be selfish sometimes and look after me as I am the type of person to help everyone else first.

I have a doctors appointment today where I'll seek some help for my depression. So fingers crossed I can find something to help me there !

Thanks for your kind words 💙