I was recently asked by a boozy friend of mine “Don’t you miss drink?”
I was about to give a stock, sarcastic reply such as “Yeah, I miss the hangovers, tripping over and making an ass of myself “ but I didn’t know how to answer honestly without contaminating my mind.
Then I thought about my friend’s reason to ask it. I think he would describe himself (like 90% of heavy drinkers) as “a social drinker who occasionally has too much”. That’s a lie we use to protect ourselves.
It is a lie we all told or tell ourselves depending on where your at in dealing with sobriety. But I always keep in mind..'there go I but for the grace of a higher power'... and no, I wasn't a problem drinker, I had no problem at all drinking...it was to 'not' drink that was the problem for many years. I'm not like some who beat others over the head about drinking, it's their choice, and not mine to judge....I just choose not to be around a bunch of people drinking for the sake of drinking...it's just not fun for me .... and like you..I don't miss the hangovers.
Honesty is an important necessary ingredient for staying sober. So even after many decades in AA, I sometimes have to answer like this:
”Yes I miss some of the effects drinking provided.” Ten minutes into a drunk, when God seemed to be in heaven and all is right in the world. Excellent, sought after feeling. But I proved to myself time after time how fleeting that state would be. I can never just stop there. I’d have to drink to oblivion and heartache.
So if someone asks me, “Do I miss drinking” I answer that I certainly don’t miss the consequences. Normal, social drinkers appear to be able to stop when they achieve that buzz. I’m not a social drinker. I’m an alcoholic who pays a terrible price if I drink. So romancing the high is dangerous. But self honesty is necessary. A day at a time.
Sometimes, those drinking memories are so distant past, I wonder am I really an alcoholic. That is how good it is. But it’s a dangerous state of mind and that’s why fellowship and working with other alcoholics is the key to stable sobriety.
Yep.... the mind can be a minefield of stinkin thinkin for me sometimes....but reading the struggles and rationalizations here is like a stroll down memory lane for me. And it just reminds me that my worst day drinking was what I remember first and foremost. My whole life eventually revolved about waiting for that next window of time to drink, and I worked, paid bills, had a house and car and relationships....but my drinkin daze was alway a lie ...and all the little lies I told myself to justify why I kept drinking, even though I knew it was gonna kill me, didn't matter.....pain and simple.... I'm an alcoholic, I cannot drink....ever.
That’s it, I drink. But I know that I don’t control alcohol, alcohol controls me. Even if I am a “social drinker” I have a few too many pints on a Saturday once a week. However after that first pint, the cravings gone and I’m just drinking for the sake of drinking.
I admit I’ve got a problem with it though, I can’t stop once I’ve had a few. Whereas my mates for example will spend an entire weekend drinking non stop even on week days after work. However they’ll tell you they get bored, or they love a beer etc etc when in reality they’re basically alcoholics.
There is a minority of people that can take it or leave it, literally. But for the most, alcohol controls their lives whether they’re the weekend drinker or everyday glass of wine type and the sooner people realise it’s an addiction and the stigma and marginalisation cease, the better. If someone smokes 20 a day, they’re a smoker. If someone sniffs coke every other day they’re a drug addict. If you have a glass of wine everyday , you’re chilling out, relaxing off. It’s the way society glorifies the booze.
I keep letting myself down!!
Hello, this is my story :)
