Over one hurdle and facing another challenge

[FatOldMan]

Feeling pleased with myself this morning. I got past our usual Friday wine night .I had the additional problem of getting the not talking too and slamming doors treatment from the person who should be supporting me. It all started yesterday afternoon when I said that I wouldn't be going to her cousins house tonight to meet their family who are home from Australia. There will be a lot of heavy drinking there and I hardly know the visitors , those that live here are big drinkers who I don't even like . So am I being selfish by not going? Or is my wife the selfish one? How do I get her to understand that giving up booze is hard for me. Rant over, thanks for being here.

[piglette]

PMR has also taught me to say NO and I do use it as an excuse for not doing things I don’t what to do. I always used to say yes to everything. I suppose I have become more selfish, but it does mean I can get out of things I don’t like doing. Truthfully what us the main reason you don’t want to go, because of the alcohol or because you would hate, it alcohol or not?

[FatOldMan in reply to piglette]

Both in equal measures, the alcohol is a major factor because if I went there I would definitely be drinking but even if I was wanting to drink I wouldn't have gone ,who would choose to be in a room full of people you hardly know and those that you do know you don't like. We have lived close to them for 30 years and never been in each others house so why now?

[piglette in reply to FatOldMan]

So nothing to do with the drink really, just that you would be happier not going. In my case that would be a very good reason. Having lived close to someone for thirty years and not having visited them on the other hand would not be a good reason for me unless it was the couple I did not wish to mix with not visiting their house!

[FatOldMan in reply to piglette]

I don't like them ,I'm pretty sure they don't like me, we have nothing in common. It's the flak that I have had for not going that is the problem.

[piglette in reply to FatOldMan]

Presumably this has been going on for a while, it is not the first time the situation has occurred?? In the good old days I used to play ball and go along, as I felt it was good for my soul, now I have the excuse of PMR I don’t bother.

[FatOldMan in reply to piglette]

PMR ???

[piglette in reply to FatOldMan]

I have Polymyalgia Rheumatica = PMR which does slow me down and I am unable to do things I would really like to do, so I use it as a reason I can’t do things I don’t want to do.

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador]

I applaud your decision. I need to watch for slippery places. After you’re sober for awhile, you may be able to have more freedom.

My sobriety has to come first. Even before my husband. If I drink, I get divorced when I drink. Ha. Ha. I had two divorces before I got sober.

Unfortunately I have bad news for you. I can’t expect anyone to “understand and support me.” Except for my non drinking sober friends. And I need them for that reason.

I am responsible for staying away from a drink today. My expectations are resentments waiting to happen. And I have to H.A.L.T. Not get too Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Or Tired. It can set me up to take a drink.

I’m sorry you had to miss the social engagement. But I think you made the right choice. That’s just my ever so humble opinion. Lol.

[FatOldMan in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I am expected to be a social drinker and I just can't do that, it's all or nothing for me. My wife can do it and expects me to do the same then it causes arguments about me drinking too much which makes me angry so I drink more and so the downward spiral goes on. WoW, I'm really ranting today, but just need to get it out.Thanks for listening.

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to FatOldMan]

That’s what I’m here for. Rant away. You have to get it out. I do, anyway. If I stuff things it’s dangerous. But that doesn’t mean I hurt and lash out at people. I have a few trusted friends, who know that if I’m complaining, it says more about me than it does about the situation.

I want what I want, when I want it. And I want people to do what I want, when I want them to do it. That’s one of my basic flaws. It makes my life difficult. But I’ve learned to deal with it. And Live and Let Live.

[DicCarlson]

Keep on keepin' on! Alcohol smothers potential - stay the course. As stated above avoid the "slippery places". You - are - so - much - more!

[chrisbuy63]

Well done, you do have to take control over your own drinking and that means avoiding triggers and events that you are not ready to take on. I hope your wife will understand.