Help for a young male victim of domestic abuse?

Hi everyone. I've come here to ask for some advice for my brother.

He is 19 and has been struggling with drug abuse, low self esteem, destructive behaviour and emotional lows for the past few years.

He came back to my parents house a few days ago and confessed to us all that his girlfriend has been abusing him. It ranges from emotional, mental and physical abuse. He is struggling to accept that he has to leave her and he has asked for help. He has a broken arm, cuts and bruises all over his neck and face and we think ear damage from her smacking him in the face.

If he leaves her she says she will kill herself.

I have no idea where to begin. Our main priority is getting him professional help to address his emotional distress, low self esteem and self abusive behaviour. We need to get him better so we can help him help himself.

Does anyone know where I can go or what I can do to help him? I feel like he's come so far to tell us all of this and I don't want to lose him now. He lives in Suffolk in England.

With regards to the girlfriend, should I inform social services or the police? She is obviously a danger to herself and others but I have no idea what to do or how to handle her.

Any advice at all is so greatly appreciated. Thank you all

3 Replies

  • Abusive women can be as damaging as abusive men, and your brother has nothing to feel ashamed of by admitting it and seeking help. I feel for your brother having to cope alone, and he is lucky to have such a great and supportive family to come to. It is a shame that society makes it hard for men to do this though.

    I wouldn't like to advise on who to call about the girlfriend as I suppose it depends a lot on what outcome you want, and what the police are like around you. However, I would advise you not take matters into your own hands, as you getting involved may not help anyone, and may hurt you.

  • Will he go to a Dr? A GP can often offer access to help not otherwise available.

    Time is crucial start acting to support the changes he is making.

    This will be a long haul.

    If police need to be informed then so be it but your priority is your brother although she obviously needs help.

    Keep asking around as you obviously are, maybe look for drug abuse help lines if he self harms the drugs may be a form of self medication they often go hand in hand.

    There is support for carers too, again the GP will help by making a referral

    Spoil him a bit , hot drinks and ice cream or chocolate helps girls, his favourite food perhaps or just lots of chips and talc.

    Of course this won't solve anything a good diet is the goal but hey, a little of what you fancy does you good.

  • Hi how awful for you all and I do feel for you. I had a friend who worked for the Samaritans and he said (much to my surprise) that abusive women are just as common as abusive men, and he spoke to many of them.

    I can't really add to whats been said but I do wish you all well. Take care. bev x