Sometimes it gets very real, and not pretty either.

[Irish-John]

Just in case someone feels 'terminally unique' around here when they read mine and others post where we rhapsodically relate our great runs. It is absolutely true we do have wonderous times while running, and they are so easy to write about - but in my case there are also times when it does not go well at all...and I will be just as honest when/if posting about those. I get inspiration from better runners than I - and comfort from those who struggle like I do. If I only read about the great runs I would have quit a long time ago thinking 'I am not, and never can be, a Runner'. However, while I am a 'better' Runner than I used to be, I also am a happier one because I know that being 'slow' and 'ungainly' certainly will not disqualify me from BEING a Runner just like a bunch of my VRBS who are also running without the benefit of Gazelle Genes in their DNA

Anyway------

One of the most stressful times I have ever had over a long weekend, and no way could I do my scheduled Sunday morning run. Monday was even rougher, unbelievably rougher - and I was running out of energy, adrenaline and motivation. Tuesday, day of nothing going on but I was physically, mentally and physiologically absolutely knackered beyond belief. So - two days down the pipes where I had hoped to make up for missing Sunday's run and that really did not help anything

FINALLY went out this morning - two 8 minute runs with five minute walk in between. Simples - right? I've graduated twice before and gone on to far further distances etc. I 'know' for a fact that I have the ability to actually enjoy, Ten Milers even...just a case of building up to it again. I 'know' that my legs, lungs and heart will carry me FAR further than 16 minutes if I really wanted to be silly and push to far too soon...so, should have been eminently 'doable' today, right?

Not on your Nelly. Felt like I weighed five tons and about to quit every minute - and couldn't get up any real 'interest' in the runs. Talk about simply going through the motions.

But - one wee thought not only got me out the door on what literally was probably the hardest day to do so in all the years I have been running.

It was the thought of 'Break the Chainbreaker'.

The runs were still bloody hard, but I did them. And still felt like kak at the end. But - I did do them.

We hear a good deal about "Breaking the chain of BAD habits", but it struck me that we never really hear much about breaking the chain of GOOD ones. I don't believe I have ever met anyone who has not, at some stage (and probably more than once)had a 'good' habit but for whatever reason they 'used to do it' but stopped at some point

I have a LOT of practice at trying to break bad habits, and even succeeded in a few cases LOL. But - have to say that I have broken a lot more good ones than bad over the decades.

So, feeling like ratcrap this morning I still went out. Not to 'keep up the habit of running' - ie so as not to break the chain of a good habit - but to break the habit of breaking a habit, if you can follow this torturous logic

I sure as heck did not feel like running - but I did have a tiny but noticeable urge to challenge myself to be obstinate and defy the habit of quitting something that is undoubtedly a great habit.

Call it anarchic motivation or nihilistic motivation whatever The run was, and I still 'feel' it was, very crappy.

However what feels good are two factors involved with it.

I didn't let myself be swayed by a mere feeling - running was truly tough and non enjoyable today but so what, 'worse things happed at Sea'

And I do know for certain today was just one running day among thousands I have done that were so unremarkable I don't even remember how they felt, and it was just one truly difficult one among the many that went 'great' - so I sure as heck am not going to let one lousy day turn into a new lifetime habit of NOT running.

Sometimes, at least for me, with running and some other good things that require effort, it's simply a case of deciding I am going to be extremely cantankerous, and obstinately refuse to try and convince myself I will 'enjoy' something when it really is just a case getting of my rear end and doing it anyway when it 'should' be done and the heck with 'feeling good'. If it is good for me, that's all the reason I should need to do the darn thing and somedays just leave the 'enjoying' part to the Hippies or whoever Get it done - priority number one.

Flipping gremlins - hate the wee buggers. File today on a par with that classic book on the subject - 'Alexander's horrible no good very bad day'.

Hope your miles went a lot better than mine today

[Granspeed Graduate]

Always glad when one of my occasional check-ins catches one of your posts. And the picture is perfect!

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to Granspeed]

Thank you GS 🙂

[ChannelRunner2 Graduate]

Thanks for sharing this, Irish-John ! It gives a different - and helpful - perspective on that gremlin talk that tries to get between me and running: They're trying to get me to break a good habit! A habit I am proud of and feel good about (including the runner's high after a run...). Breaking the habit of breaking a habit... 😎

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to ChannelRunner2]

Thank you CR2 🙂

[SueAppleRun Graduate]

That's so powerful Irish-John I'll return to read again. A lot of my runs are of the ' just get out and do it!' type, but I return home with a grin and only remember the good bits. It's the stay home and don't go ones that make me despondent and wonder whether it's worth it or whether I can. Your post is a good reminder that every run is worth it.

Thank you

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to SueAppleRun]

Thank you W&S 🙂

[backintime Graduate]

pretty is subjective!

I think what you've done is 'pretty' good

Great post as always, my run got postponed due to allergies doing me in, 3 days off instead of 1 back on it tonight, W9r1!

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to backintime]

Onwards and Upwards Bit 🙂👍🏻

[XenaZelda Graduate]

i think that picture says a lot, those crocs are the gremlins waiting on the side of the road ready to catch us and its hard to push through them/past them

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to XenaZelda]

Ooooh! I like that imagery XZ! 🙂👍🏻 Nicely wraps up the character of the swine - only active when on the attack, otherwise laze on a Sandbank 😂

[MrsLydiaWickham Graduate]

I really value this post Irish-John . I'm pretty sure that whenever I get off this damned IC, I will experience the range of emotions you chat about. Knowing that you, who have done all sorts of runs, can struggle like a first timer is enormously helpful. Without you sharing this, I'm sure I wouldn't even hold on to the thought to try again, as running seems so long ago, almost like a dream. Please do keep posting on your journey. Its so interesting and valuable. You are doing great by the way.

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to MrsLydiaWickham]

Thank you Mrs L and. I hope you will be running with us again soon 🙂For some of us, Running will never be "easy" but with time and proper progress it sure gets better 🙂

There are two crossings on the route I do nowadays, one at almost exactly half a mile, the other at a mile. I turn back at the first one and it really does seem 'impossible' I will ever get back to where I have the legs and lungs to get to the second, let alone the "easy" 3.1 runs I used to do with utter confidence

But - that is just thoughts, not reality You and I have been there, and it will happen again if we work for it

Very best wishes to you 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

[LottieMW Graduate]

Love that photo I-J! 🐊🏃🏽🚗

Love the post too…you’re always thought provoking…

I get the “I can’t be bothered” blues…in all walks of life, not just running. Sometimes it just seems like too much trouble.

At least with running (or walking), you can lace up the trainers and get out the door…I’ve not had many where I’ve come home feeling worse…thank goodness!😊🏃🏻‍♀️🐌

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to LottieMW]

This is the ONLY run in the six years - including the extremely tough for me Day 1 - that it felt "truly bad". Hopefully a one-off, or at least only one every six years lol.Today I'm thinking it MIGHT be my eagerness to do longer runs and get the "Toxic Tens" sorted - can't wait for the runs where time allows me to find my "proper" groove : )

[LottieMW Graduate in reply to Irish-John]

To be honest, I’m a *very* slow runner…and have never really felt the pain of the toxic ten!🤷🏻‍♀️

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to LottieMW]

Another point in favor of "slow" running! 🙂👍🏻

[PeggySusi Graduate]

There’s a well known confidence building book called Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.. Seems to me that you (and me, and many others on here) could write a new one for runners called Feel Like Crap and Run Anyway..

Sorry you are having a stressful time at the moment, but glad you got out there. Hope things improve and your next run will be gremlin free 😊

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to PeggySusi]

I LOVE that idea for a book title and format 😂😂😂😂If next run is getting to me, I'll remember that 👍🏻❤️🙂

[Lumaca0112 Graduate]

Thanks for sharing this, Irish-John - wise words!

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to Lumaca0112]

Thank you L 🙂

[Roxdog Graduate]

Well after a couple of tough runs recently, I get it!

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to Roxdog]

It's a case of taking the rough with the smooth those days R 🙂

[Roxdog Graduate in reply to Irish-John]

indeed

[Runnin-g Graduate]

Oh, I so needed to read this today, thank you - “I know that being 'slow' and 'ungainly' certainly will not disqualify me from BEING a Runner.” I’ve been beating myself up over a photo a friend took of me running, at the time I felt strong and fast & upright but the photo shows me hunched over, slow & barely able to lift my feet off the floor 😆 Thank you for reminding me that getting out there & moving, in whatever way possible, is great! Well done on completing your run and I’m sure the next will be better 👏🏽

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to Runnin-g]

Thank you R 🙂 It's something we not only do ourselves, but FOR ourselves and to hell with what any mockers think 🙂👍🏻 Oneards and upwards my VRB 🙂

[grumpyoldgirl Graduate]

Great post I-J. I'm on the IC (again!) so I have a different set of gremlins, but figuring out how to deal with them is the same. In my case it's the good habit of all the strengthening exercises that I was in danger of ditching because "what's the point", well because, stupid, if you want to get off the IC and back in your running shoes you need to do them!

Thanks, and wishing you a happier, Hippier run next time!😜

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to grumpyoldgirl]

Thank you, and hope you are running with us again real soon G 🙂

[Leabac Graduate]

OMG - I so feel this!!

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to Leabac]

Amen ! 🙂👍🏻

[Archerygoddess Graduate]

I can, sadly, really relate to 'breaking the habit of breaking the habit'. I would never have thought of it like that, but it's what I'm battling at the moment. Even though the last couple of days have been good ones it was so good to read your post. Absolutely love the picture, too

[Irish-John Graduate in reply to Archerygoddess]

Thank you AG 👍🏻🙂