Well, 5 years ago today I was a couple of weeks off graduating. I did it and maintained 3 runs a week, progressed to Park Runs, built up to 10ks and have 3 half marathons under my belt (all with varying degrees of success I have to add!) but I kept it up and kept going. However ...
I'm an emotional non runner. That sounds mad as we're told that at times of stress and difficult periods in life, exercise is what we need to help our mental health etc but I'm the opposite. When the shit hits the fan, I switch off, retreat and can't even think about running and over the years have had a couple of stretches where I didn't want to run. I've just had one of those.
Last year was horrendous ... for all of us I know but Covid aside, it started on 5th January when my ultra fit running-for-years husband came back from a run a few minutes in with chest pain. He didn't want to make a fuss but the long and short of it is I made him go to hospital and after a long day he was blue lighted to Papworth in AF and his running stopped there. A week in hospital, ECGs, Echos, angiograms and and MRI later he had to be cardioverted at the end of February, is on beta blockers and anticoagulants for life and was told no more running until a repeat MRI 3 months later. That was delayed due to Covid but from there he's only just managed to get going again after an old knee injury that stiffened during his longer than intended time out stopped him rehabbing properly and yesterday, guess what? He was doing one of his rehab runs and he's now back in AF again ... devastating
Along with all of this, my elderly mum who has lived alone for years 200 miles away from us was diagnosed with Alzheimers after a terrifyingly rapidly spiralling progression from April onwards and that was when I really started to not be able to run anymore. I was (and still am) travelling a 400 mile round trip that takes 6 hours once a week to see her, she no longer really knows me, she was taken into a care home in September as was found in the road and I've only seen her through a window since then at the time when she needed me most to help her transition into this awful new way of life. I've been emptying her house, decorating and getting it ready to go on the market as well as holding down a job as a specialist midwife so running and any hope of routine has been gone for months.
But, today, (and if you got his far well done!) I started again ... W1 R1 as I don't trust my abused and neglected body to do much more after months of travelling, sleeping on the floor after the beds were sold and living off junk, but I did it and that was the hardest part.
I have no idea what lies ahead, I fear for my wonderful husband and the repeat of a difficult path ahead for him, I mourn the loss of my mum in all but body and hate the fact that it had to happen this year when the separation was enforced through all that due to Covid but I needed to regain something for me. We have a place in a home near to us so that will mean she's 5 minutes away but the home she's in keeps getting bloody Covid meaning another 28 days each time there's a new diagnosis before we can move her as care homes have to have that length of quarantine for a care home to care home move apparently. This has been going on since the end of October so you can imagine the frustration.
Will I be ever do another half? Maybe not, but will I find some time for me in all of the madness that has surrounded us and those I love? I hope so, and this was the first step. For all of you who have had a tough time through this last year, or at any time, if this now 50 year old retired Goth who had never run a step in her life before C25K can get back on it, you too have this within your grasp so if you're starting, starting again or just doing what you can, I salute you ... and I salute myself for making today the day
Written by
wez70
Graduate
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Wow wez70 life is at times beyond tough, but can I say you lady are an advocate for surviving 💪 j believe you can become a runner, today was a major step, stick with the plan it'll work for you!
Thanks Imc50 ... it worked once, it will work again. If I'm honest I could probably have pushed harder today for longer, further etc but ... I'm a person who likes routine (another reason why 2020 nearly killed me :-)) so starting from the beginning, doing it by the book means I should hopefully reassure myself I can get there again and even enjoy the process this time!
Thank you for your post which I read with interest and could relate to your very situation. I was also running 3 times a week have completed couch to 5k and very much like you can only run when I don’t have the worry of others. My husband also quite poorly GI bleeds and kidney failure, mother in law also in a care home since September due to memory issues. So sorry to hear of your difficulties, you are not alone 😘😘
So sorry you've been going through all this QueD ... sometimes life sucks, and we've no choice but to cope even if we don't know how! I wish you well and hope for sunnier skies
What a difficult time you have had. I hope the running challenge you have started gives you a break from all the stress. I’m sure you’ll soon be back to your previous running levels. Best of luck.
Really sounds like you’ve had such a slog of a year, but you should be so proud that you’re still staying strong.
Amazing that you’ve got out and done the first run after some time out, I know you say you’re an emotional runner, but you may find this is just some self care for you mind amongst everything else going on.
I hope things start falling in place for you and your family.
Oh wow thank you so much for sharing your story. So brave of you. I’m happy your mum will soon be close to you. Well done for starting your running again! Amazing strength xx
I am sorry that your year has been so difficult and that you haven't been able to carry on running. Don't be hard on yourself, I'm not sure many would have been able to, whilst facing all of your challenges. Anyway you are now back. You know that you have the ability to do this and to run long distances. Maybe try and put yourself first for a little while, promising yourself 3 sessions of 'me time' to get back to graduation and beyond. Good luck!
Hello fellow Goth...those halcyon days of khol black eyeliner, Siouxie and teenage rage seem a distant memory. Wow ! You have definitely had a year of stress and worry... it's no wonder you've not been prioritising your running journey.
I hope you have some friends & family who can support you through this time. In the meantime, you have us on HealthUnlocked. 💝💝
Huge applause for getting back to running and good luck re-doing C25K. Every run gets you closer to your old achievements and onto new goals for 21. Just having time for you sounds like a great tonic & perfect self care.
Thanks MamaMia412! Yes, those were the days ... I modelled myself on Siouxsie, copied the hair, the make up, made the clothes that you just couldn't get in the shops or even the alternative shops ... I miss it hugely Here's to onwards and sideways, if upwards not an option!!!
Oh, Wez, sounds like a sh!t time year for you. Those events would be hard enough to deal with in a normal year let alone now. I feel for you but it sounds like you have a plan for your mum and that will, surely, make life less arduous and will mean you can visit without the exhausting travelling. My mum is in a nursing home that isn’t all that close to me and I know the challenge that presents.
As for the running - it’s nothing short of astounding to me that you’ve been out to run and I salute you. I hope that it helps you to switch off for that 30 minutes that you’re out.
Please let us know how you’re getting on as well as your husband and mum - now you’ve mentioned them we are all ‘in this’ with you and wishing you the very best for a better year in 2021.
Tough times and can’t imagine the stress. Starting again is a positive even if its slow build up. You’ll get to where you need to be for your own good health. So brilliant news, I really admire your resilience and will look forward to following your next steps!
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