I'm proper, well and truly, abso-positively crocked. Brilliant.
So yesterday I was bleating on about "Me knee, ooh...me knee" but in actual fact it's my hip that's causing the jip. My right hip to be slightly more specific.
"Argh, flip. The tip of m' hip is causing me jip"
Yesterday I was convinced that I was going to gently push through and get my run done. I was going to take a stand against my body and let it know that I WILL NOT negotiate with terrorism (bad knee). It can send as many stabbing pain signals as it likes upstairs, but the boss ain't gonna listen. Now I'm suspecting a bit of espionage and there’s some shadowy cloak-and-daggering going on between factions as there's leaked information being passed from brain to body. Somehow my legs knew the plan and gradually throughout the day started pulling on my hip muscle like a bell ringer.
By the time I got home from work, I was dragging my leg behind me like it’s a fat labrador. I was correct in my first post when I suspected myself of being sewn together from the contents of a hospital dustbin. No wonder the last owner threw these legs away. The point I realised that it probably would be best postponing the day's run was when I had to lift my right thigh with both arms and flick my foot in front of me.
So I'm guessing that I spent the day subconciously shifting the weight from my left knee to my right hip with all the balance of a newborn deer. My hip evidently didn't sign up for the overtime.
So where did I go wrong?
Although I run and gym on alternate days, I haven't come out of a single session yet thinking that I've driven myself into the ground. Quite the opposite, I'm usually bouncing around like a kangaroo whose stubbed its toe on the door frame whilst running to mirrors desperately trying to track the progress of a physique that no longer resembles a school-dinner dessert.
Racking my brain, I seem to remember commenting to myself during the first couple of minutes of Saturday's run that the brisk walk had got me about as warm as a shaved polar bear. It was like running with sticks for legs. So I Googled that. Then Google called me an idiot, so I re-phrased it to, "What warm up routine would you recommend to a recently exhumed corpse who has had a recent whim to start running". This, I thought, was very aptly phrased and I was rewarded with some gem-nuggets of information.
Did you know that there's such a thing as a corpse wedding? The families of deceased, unwed people exhume the bodies of equally deceased and unwed potential partners and marry them off. That's a bit weird. I may be dead but I'm still married. Moving on...
Apparently...if you don't do enough to wake up your big muscles, like that roman general who lives in your backside (Gluteus Maximus), then your smaller muscles will end up compensating (i.e. knees, hamstrings, hips) and they're not geared up for the job. So a good dynamic warm up to wake the muscles up is key for me.
It tells me I need to do more pelvic thrusting. I've been telling wifey this for a long time but it's fallen on deaf ears - now look where it's gotten me.
Pelvic thrusts are good to build hips. Lay on my back, one leg up, one foot flat on the ground and...HEAVE! It's alright for the bloke in the picture. He isn't carrying half a buffalo around his waist. 10-12 reps each side. Great. I'll just go fell a tree with my bare hands too shall I?
OK, next one. Lunging.
Oh for the love of...
...I've been on at her for ages. Now I've got medical backing, we're going to have a serious talk when I get home.
Lunges are good for the legs. I stand there, hands on hips like someone's just stolen my taxi and then step forward and do some kind of one-legged crouch. Hmmm. Doesn't look too hard...
Legs swings are good too. Stand with a hand against the wall and jauntily flap my leg like I'm waving at someone with a hankie...I hope I can do these indoors...
If I pay a bit more attention to some of these, I may be able to get myself back on track and stay there. But I think I'm going to need a few days before I'm mended enough to tear up that pavement again.
Does anyone else find the brisk walk lacking? Any suggestion for further undignified flexing?