Running: Hi Iris! Its a fabulous day! I am so excited that we are going out today! Do you feel the buzz? The energy? The thrrriiilll???
Me: go away. I am staying home.
Running: Oh, okay. I can see that you are very busy. Netflix is a really important part of your life. Ill just sit here next to you and maybe youll change your mind.
(Exercise pokes me in the ribs)
Me: Oi! Why are you still here?
Exercise: Oh come ooon! You promised youd come out today! I even sent you a text to remind you thos morning. Pleeeaaase??
(Me puts her shoes on and goes for a run)
Me: I hate you, you know.
Running: Naaw, you love me! Look at you! I am so proud.
Me: Stop crying. Its dripping into my eyes.
Running: Its called sweat! Sweat! I love it!
Me: that makes one of us.
Running: Come on!! You love this! Push a little harder and relish in the pain!!!
Me: you are a sadist.
Running: well done, flower. You completed todays programme! How do you feel???
(Me puts a carefully smiling face on the app rating system)
Running: I knew it!!! You love me!!! We will be together forever!!!
Me: I have created a monster.