To The Council Parks and Gardens Department
Today I set off for a run round my local park and woodland and found that it became necessary to utilize a number of dance moves in order to navigate my way around the overgrown paths and trails. On entering Kidney Wood initially I was expected to limbo under some dangling brambles; chassée between the nettles protruding from either side of the path; perform a grand jeté to get over a tree trunk; and dance on demi pointe through a large puddle of mud. Leaving the woodland in search of amore straightforward running route I was forced into a quick step as one of your trucks sped towards me.
I had hoped that completing my run through Stockwood Park would be straightforward, but soon found myself side stepping Salsa style between more nettles, then dancing an irritating pas de deux with a passing squirrel who seemed unwilling to let me go on my way. The sudden dip in the pathway caught me off balance forcing me into a pirouette, before I stumbled into a quick do-si-do with a passing dog walker who was unsure of his route due to the lack of signposts. There was then a steep climb which, although I couldn’t attest that I Moonwalked, I was certainly going so slowly I may have been going backwards.
Had I anticipated so much dancing I might have worn my dancing shoes and avoided the blisters I now have on the insteps of both feet.
I understand that you are not responsible for all these obstacles, and appreciate the efforts made to encourage community dancing, however I would like to point out that I am actually training to improve my running, and have no desire to perform on Strictly.
Yours sincerely,
Razouski (A Frustrated Runner)
p.s. I have managed to get some blister plasters for my feet and my running app said I covered 12.5k and the 10k run was still under 60mins (just) so I'll take that on the chin.
p.p.s. I'm actually thinking of walking part of this running route armed with a pair of secateurs. 😂