Strictly Come Running

[Razouski]

To The Council Parks and Gardens Department

Today I set off for a run round my local park and woodland and found that it became necessary to utilize a number of dance moves in order to navigate my way around the overgrown paths and trails. On entering Kidney Wood initially I was expected to limbo under some dangling brambles; chassée between the nettles protruding from either side of the path; perform a grand jeté to get over a tree trunk; and dance on demi pointe through a large puddle of mud. Leaving the woodland in search of amore straightforward running route I was forced into a quick step as one of your trucks sped towards me.

I had hoped that completing my run through Stockwood Park would be straightforward, but soon found myself side stepping Salsa style between more nettles, then dancing an irritating pas de deux with a passing squirrel who seemed unwilling to let me go on my way. The sudden dip in the pathway caught me off balance forcing me into a pirouette, before I stumbled into a quick do-si-do with a passing dog walker who was unsure of his route due to the lack of signposts. There was then a steep climb which, although I couldn’t attest that I Moonwalked, I was certainly going so slowly I may have been going backwards.

Had I anticipated so much dancing I might have worn my dancing shoes and avoided the blisters I now have on the insteps of both feet.

I understand that you are not responsible for all these obstacles, and appreciate the efforts made to encourage community dancing, however I would like to point out that I am actually training to improve my running, and have no desire to perform on Strictly.

Yours sincerely,

Razouski (A Frustrated Runner)

p.s. I have managed to get some blister plasters for my feet and my running app said I covered 12.5k and the 10k run was still under 60mins (just) so I'll take that on the chin.

p.p.s. I'm actually thinking of walking part of this running route armed with a pair of secateurs. 😂

[misswobble Graduate]

Makes you,fitter with all,that ducking and diving, and it's good for your feet and ankles 😃

Low branches and overhanging hedges and shrubbery on our main roads is terrible.! You'd think no-one used the kerb judging by the lack of maintenance, Mind you i ran along one such bit yesterday and it had been cut. I could hardly believe it 🙄 I cross through three different council areas and they are all neglecting this 😡

[Razouski in reply to misswobble]

Makes me fitter..? I guess so misswobble but I think I'm going to have to get into my long leggings as I hate getting stung by the nettles and I have lots of scratches from the brambles. On one of my routes I end up running bits of it with my arms above my head to avoid getting stung on them.

[Qscout Graduate]

Dear Razouski,

Thank you for your wonderful email, we are pleased that you enjoy using the facilities provided by the Council Parks and Gardens department.

We aim to provide public space that can be enjoyed by a wide range of individuals, and as much opportunity as possible for many a park worker to stand leaning on a spade.

Think how dull and unexciting a straightforward run would be had our staff been diligent in their work.

Ever at your service.

Darcy Bush elle

Council Parks and Gardens department

P.S For your salsa an 8, but for the ballet a much more technical routine a 10.

[Razouski in reply to Qscout]

😂 😂 😂

Dear Ms Bush elle,

Thanks for your response. It made me laugh outloud. And thank you for the generous score for my ballet!

Regards,

R. 🏃🏾‍♀️💃🏾

[Oldfloss Administrator Graduate]

Blimey.. exciting or what!!!

Love the post.... but nettles and brambles are no joke... I remember hurdling over Cow parsley on a pavement last year.. but that was tame compared with your exploits...

Well done you!!