The Five Laws of Middle-Aged Running.

[cre55y]

After 6 weeks of intensive scientific research (!) here are my conclusions so far:

1. Ten seconds in to W1R1 you will suddenly realise you are no longer a teenager.

2. On a circular route, for every uphill there must be a corresponding downhill - except where you live.

3. After the euphoria of completing the dreaded W5R3, week six will kill you.

4. Whatever route you choose and whatever run you are doing, when Laura says "60 seconds to go" you will always be at the base of the north face of the Eiger.

5. The little gremlins inside your MP3 player are watching your elegant (ahem!) running style carefully. They are there to make sure that the image-boosting words "You make me go red....You make me sweat" are playing in your ear just as a group of slim, unruffled 20-somethings sprint past you with not a hair out of place.

Happy running everyone...whatever your age!

[Rupertlebear Graduate]

Brilliant - and SO true. Particularly number 2!

[steinlondon Graduate]

This is SO funny (and true!)... Still beetroot red nearly three hours after run!!

[cre55y Graduate in reply to steinlondon]

So glad it's not just me!!

[misswobble Graduate]

Tee hee! That's fantastic. So true. Hills will be the bane of our lives into infinity I fear.

I spent yesterday tittering for most of my run at the song lyrics trilling into my ears which were polar opposite of my experience. I was making up my own lyrics more suited to my situation, which kept me amused. The miles just flew by (yeah right!)

[Beek Graduate]

Lovely post! and just a reminder to us not to take ourselves too seriously. We are supposed to be having fun doing this. Thank you for the smiles!

[cre55y Graduate in reply to Beek]

You're welcome

[Moosetgoose Graduate]

love this. good one

[no-excuse Graduate]

That sums it up perfectly! All so true x

[Tomas Graduate]

Excellent!

[ChrisL Graduate]

Ha ha. VG. I have some more rules of my own...

Rule 6 - On any circular route the wind will be directly against you for at least 75% of the route.

Rule 7 - If you see no cars for 5 minutes or more one will suddenly appear when you want to cross the road

Rule 8 - Prams & buggies being pushed in a straight line will always veer off into your path as you overtake

Rule 9 - A dog on a lead will always decide to sniff the tree on the other side of the pavement to its owner as you approach.

Rule 10 - It is illegal to look out for runners before reversing a van out of a driveway.

[runningnearbeirut Graduate in reply to ChrisL]

These are great, but I have to say that my extensive research would put the figure in Rule 6 at 96.3%.

[Ullyrunner Graduate]

Great stuff! Made me laugh out loud. It's a good job we retain our sense of humour if not our dignity!

[notbad Graduate]

Love it, thanks. Also:

Rule 11 - It doesn't matter what time you return from a run one of your neighbours will come out of their gate just as you arrive home looking sweaty and dishevelled.

[runningnearbeirut Graduate in reply to notbad]

This is SO true.

[cre55y Graduate]

Love the additions to the list! Couldn't agree more Ullyrunner - you've got to laugh otherwise some days I would cry!

[greenstar]

Brilliant, thank you.

Rule 12 - When you start the C25K podcast, you mange to bend space and time, so that they both become longer.

[danzargo Graduate]

Hahah! This is terrific.

RULE 13 (sub section of Rule 10) - No matter how brightly coloured your fluorescent clothing, people out walking will NEVER see you coming and will do that stupid dance where they manage to step in exactly the place that you've tried to side step to avoid them.

[cre55y Graduate]

I seem to have started something here! Keep them coming guys, these are brilliant!

[Hidden]

Rule 15. When you say you are going to do a 5K race in 3 months time the (overweight and couch potato) person you are speaking with tells you they could do it easily - if only they had the time! Best wishes.

[Bazza1234 Graduate]

Rule 15 (A) -- alternatively, that same overweight couch potato will give you serious warnings about the damage you will cause to your knees plus the danger of heart attack while running.

[Itsallanadventure Graduate in reply to Bazza1234]

Ahhh..yes the knees! If one more "well-meaning" person tells me my knees will be shot within the week, if not sooner, i may have to start resorting to violence!

[Spanner67 Graduate]

Oh this made me laugh - it's all so true! Will keep these images of us middle-agers in my head when I'm out running tomorrow morning - so good to know it's not just me!!

[Matp Graduate]

Rule 16. People in Wellies always walk around puddles forcing runners to run through them. Grrrr

Hopefully tomorrow is dry

[ChrisL Graduate in reply to Matp]

Brilliant one.

[Bazza1234 Graduate]

Rule17

Two people, walking their dogs on a path from opposite directions, will always come together for their dogs to have a fight - just before you get to them.

[kickibro Graduate]

In my mind (errmmm imagination) I look cool and unruffled

[greenofthesouth]

Rule 18 No matter how blue the sky is, a rain cloud will always appears at some point and find you (a bit like Pootle from The Flumps - which of course you have to be middle aged to remember!)

[cre55y Graduate]

Gutted! Discovered rule 19 - just as you're getting the hang of this running malarkey your ageing body protests and picks up an injury :-(. Nursing a sore achilles. Lots of different advice online but would appreciate any advicef personal experience. Thanks x