Feeling lost!

Well here I am again. My husband has end stage COPD, lung cancer and emphysema. He has gone downhill in the last few weeks and I don't know what to do. He is on hospice and his doctor says less than 2 months. He sleeps all the time and when he is awake, he is angry at me for trying to help. I think it is his meds he is on. But they keep him going. I just need words of encouragement. I cry so much alone. I don't want to add to his stress. But I feel helpless.

17 Replies

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  • grief counseling now might help

  • Why don't you ask him if he wants you just let go. Let him pass away as peacefully as you can. I believe his Ngry because you won't let go.

  • My wife worked for Hospice for several years. She had a booklet that explained the dying process. One of the things it mentions is often loved ones will push those closest to them away, I cant tell you I understand it .. but I have heard her talk about this subject often. Im so sorry your in this position. God Bless.

  • dear melissa i would like to encourage you to do all the things you can do for him that you feel he needs and cry if you feel you need to cry and maybe find a way to figure out how he wants to be remembered or do the little things you know he liked his favorite music, movie or book it is hard to suffer the death of any loved one, knowing you did your best may give some you some relief at sometime in the future it gets easier with time so as hard as it sounds you have take care of yourself in order to do anything for someone else and cry then get on with life as it is cathy

  • Letting go is hard to do.But this is so much a part of life.Just remember God promises us a place in heaven with no more pain.If your husband doesn't know Jesus,or you for that matter.Believe that Jesus died for all,ask Him into your heart(to live within you).Ask Him to forgive you for your sins.Live for Him for the rest of your live,no matter how short or long it is.And there will be a place in heaven for you.Maybe if you don't have a pastor,maybe someone in the family can lead you to one,that can explain better then I have.Just do the best you can now ,fort the time left.

  • I agree with joeoconnell. Grief counseling will help you. I went to grief counseling when my husband was sick. They are there for you and help you with your needs.

  • You just try and hang in. I know how he feels because I have it also. Just love us and try to forgive our bad behavior. Pray for mercy on us all.🙏🏻

  • I know what you are going through as I lost my husband to lung cancer and he was at home with Hospice. I finally resigned that I was going to loose him and I sat by his bed and told him how much I loved him and he would be truly missed but it was ok to give up the fight and he could go in peace. He passed a couple days later peacefully in his sleep.

  • Hospice can be a big help to you right now. They can talk, listen and explain, they have a wealth of experience and caring help for the care givers as well as the parient. I just went through that with my dad and my heart goes out to you. Just remember, it's not your husband being angry with you, it's the medications and the pain and disease. There is help for you, reach out to hospice. Huggs to you!

  • I am so sorry for what you are going through, you have done nothing wrong so don't think you have. Pain is a terrible thing, it will make you do and say things you never would have done otherwise and this is probably what is happening to your husband. You need to think about you and do what you need to do to keep strong, if you went and do go to church rely on your church family to help you out.

    I will keep you and your husband in prayer. God Bless you both.

  • Melissa - I think it's time you had some assistance from a professional. Is one available to you?

  • Hospice offers counseling, you can come here and vent, so sorry for what you are going through.

  • There is only one thing I can do pray for you and keep you in my thoughts. Is the meds keeping him alive?

  • Melissa, how much you're carrying on your shoulders now is staggering. If there is a social worker connected with hospice you need to talk to her / him about getting a counselor or maybe even a therapist to talk to. You're in way over your head. It's unfortunate that his family won't help, but can't worry about that right now. He isn't angry with you, it's the illnesses and medication making Mark angry. Just do your best to keep home and family together, find the strength within yourself to create a peaceful even happy place to be. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it can be done with food, music, movies, books, just use your imagination. If your husband is able to go out then that would help. Try and distract from the negatives, it's a sad time, of course, but give yourselves a break.

    Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

    grannyk3 🌹

  • I think all you want to hear is words of encouragement & an atta girl. Once in a while I get upset about my condition but I don't dwell on it because I know that even tho it gets worse almost daily I don't have to cry alone

  • It's the demon of this disease anger is just the guilt he feels that he can't help himself at this point , also the drugs he is on for pain cause this at this point he knows the end is near and what's the point of trying , there is no light at the end of the tunnel even if he did get up and try he knows this the comfort he seeks is now in his sleeping dreams and that is the only life he feels , he loves you and life but it now up to god you done all u can just keep him comfortable ,

  • Remember God is in control . Just

    Keep showing him all your love.

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