I hesitate to post this, but CLL can be an emotional burden and if this helps just one person...
Though it isn't the kind of subject I write or even think about, it's been on my mind since a gig I was at last week, reinforcing an article I came across in The Conversation: Four ways to stop thinking the worst will happen when you’re stressedtheconversation.com/four-wa...
The concert, tickets for which our neighbour bought us on a whim, was serendipity. The musician - a one man band of astonishing virtuosity - interspersing music with stories and deadpan humour, mentioned his own mental health issues, of the kind sometimes associated with the severe ADHD he lives with, and several of his songs were born of those feelings. Here's one song specifically "Dedicated to anxiety and depression sufferers" youtube.com/watch?v=fUZ2pnu... and lyrics jongomm.com/lyrics#theresno...
Another song, showing how to create a complex soundscape on a guitar without loops or overdubs (it's not easy!) youtube.com/watch?v=km1fp0t... Artist's note: "If it’s your job to protect another person, and that overwhelms you with anxiety sometimes, remember that the most important job a cocoon has, is to break open and let the being inside it go free. And if you’re a cocoon for yourself: Remember that the caterpillar has to dissolve itself into mush to become a beautiful, rule-breaking moth. So if you're a sobbing mess wrapped up in your bed right now: Keep going, you're gonna turn out amazing".
I hope someone will find something helpful here.
Written by
bennevisplace
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Just a day everything conspires against you all at once I’m afraid after a sleepless night. I hope the Verve were wrong and the drugs do work on this infection! 🙄
Oh, so sorry to hear that. Infections are just crap, they really make everything miserable and make you feel down and depressed. I hope you start feeling better soon 💕
Shouted at a man on a bus who pushed in front of an elderly woman with a shopping trolley and a crutch, and then turned up an hour early for a pedicure. It did improve though with a fabulous treatment.
One of my sayings is ‘ tomorrow is another day ‘ and I hope yours is.
I've had a chesty cough for 8 weeks, convinced the virus is still in residence and taking the proverbial out of the drugs (antibiotics) which are definitely not working. The saving grace is I have more trouble staying awake than sleeping!
2:30am text received I had been in contact with someone with covid.
Links shown were to a covid NHS site, I did a LFT test thinking I had been to GP twice recently and of course hospital for that big scan!
Then looking at website it quotes doing a test then paying 99p postage to set the process in motion.
It was so convincing even my wife was taken in.
I looked up via whocallsme and it stated multiple reports the last few hours of covid scam!!
Not what we wanted when we have urologist ringing 9:30 this morning to give results of the scan.
I didn't want to travel the hour for a face to face so I requested a telephone consultation which I'm happy to hear bad news like when diagnosed with prostate cancer last year.
Went back to bed around 4am now up at 7am as awoke panicking I'd slept in.
I didn't realize post was unlocked so have edited stuff.
I got that text last week and agree it looks very convincing, unlike a previous one I received. The way I checked was they list all the other NHS links, but if you click onto them they are all unavailable. What a disgusting way to scam people using fear.
Hope your telephone call goes well this morning. 🤞
Thanks, it's interesting to read about how other people cope, but I think one adapts according to one's individual situation.
There are things I've missed doing these past few years, partly because of CLL and partly COVID. But the most important things - big family events, staying connected, regular exercise, eating well, enjoying our surroundings, even getting a couple of home projects done - those have been unaffected. I realise that circumstances for other folks may have been very different.
Maybe when you reach a certain stage in life you stop worrying so much about your own welfare. As long as you can see your kids and theirs doing well, it's OK. I'm getting there.
Yes, we all cope differently. For me, Covid, or more precisely, how Covid has brought to light the disgusting behaviors and lack of caring some people have for others, has changed my view of people.
I have always been that guy. The guy that everyone called when there was trouble, or a problem. Broke down on the road, call Kyle. Something not working in the house, call Kyle. Need someone to talk to? Call Kyle. Need someone to pray with you, call Kyle. I was that guy. Coworkers, family, etc. Then Covid came around. Things changed.
Oh, the calls never stopped, the request for help continued. But I noticed something. No one ever asked how I was doing. How we were coping. Not even a call from our church. People were getting sick, dying of Covid, yet it was a “made up” virus.
In the end, I lost faith in humanity. People unwilling to do even the smallest of thing, like wear a mask, to protect those most vulnerable. Being laughed at. People saying things like, “I am a real Christian, I’d never take the jab”.
Our city was devastated with Covid. Our pastor died. It got so bad that the Mayor came in the news and radio to tell everyone that there was no ambulances left, don’t call for one. All the hospitals are full. So don’t go. What did our local church leaders do? Nothing. When asked to mask in the churches, because Covid was going crazy, they scoffed.
I still haven’t figured out how to process it all. I hear every day how it’s just a cold. And every day I respond that it isn’t just a cold to those of us who have no immune system. But it never changes.
I don’t really respond to it anymore. I mean, I really don’t know what else to say to them. When you hear things like, “well, it would be different if there was evidence of it, but there’s just not any”.
Over 1 million, that’s MILLION, Americans have died from Covid. And yet, you say that and are immediately hit with, “that’s been debunked. Those people didn’t die from Covid “.
“Masks don’t work”. Then I explain why they do, and I get, “well, that’s not true, but you do you and just leave me alone.”
People come to your house to work on something. I ask them to wear a mask. They say they don’t have any. I go get them one. A nice one, too. Same brand they use at MD Anderson. I also have N95’s I offer. Most will take one, but I have had some just say they not going to do “theater” and that they will have another tech come out. To which I say don’t bother.
Kyle, I am so sorry to hear that. It's tragic to hear how your church community reacted. I don't see “real Christianity” in their behaviour - more the opposite. I can understand your losing faith in humanity.
I hope you won't lose faith in all of humanity though, or in God. As bennevisplace has said, the pandemic has also brought out some wonderful acts of human kindness, and not all churches have reacted like yours.
Our church has been very supportive and understanding of the vulnerable. When Covid first hit, public church services completely stopped. Only the vicar and his wife went inside the church building and services were relayed via Zoom. (Anglican church leadership gave official guidance on these matters). When people did start going back into the church building, they sat separately and all wore masks. Some still wear masks.
Our church services are still being relayed on Zoom for the sake of vulnerable people. There are only 5 or 6 of us, but our numbers are boosted by a few others from time to time. After the service, we stay online for a "Breakout group" where we chat and sometimes pray for each other. We’ve got to know each other much better since the Pandemic.
I find it very hard to understand the attitude of people in your part of the world. Are there no other churches you could join, who are more compassionate?
Interesting to hear you are Scottish. I wonder where your family pub is? Our son and his family live near Glasgow so we take many holidays in that area – such a wonderful part of the world.
Paula, thank you for the kind response. I wish there were something different, as far churches go, but my doctor really stressed the importance of me staying out of church, simply because there is SO much Covid in them. Honestly, my faith is just "injured" right now.. Not that I do not believe, I do. But my heart hurts because what I have witnessed is so UN-Christ like, it's confusing.
When Covid was ravaging our city, the church leaders were defiant. Even as our pastor died, and other members fell victim, they refused to "be silenced". I couldn't understand it. They would say that they have faith in God. But then, one of the "antivaxxers-antimasker" would get Covid and they would be all over social media screaming and crying about having Covid. Some survived, some didn't. My oldest brother almost died from Covid. He was in the hospital for weeks. He was a healthy, athletic 61 year old. No health issues. None. He came within days of being dead. His wife, HUGE antivax, antimask person called me and had the nerve to tell me, not ask, tell me that she didn't want anyone to know they had Covid because; "She didn't want to hear anything from the sheep". She had caused so much grief for people.
But, as Covid ravaged the city, the church leaders were silent. The Mayor begged everyone to help, act like a community, and most of the churches thumbed their noses at the thought of distancing and masking. The Health Department officials went to the churches and basically begged them to wear masks while singing and try to distance, and some actually made videos saying things like, "We will not be silenced".. Just unfathomable.
I am a founding member of our church. My money built that church, yet, never a phone call. Nothing. No one even checked on us. My wife teaches at a Christian school here, we used to go to church there as well, and they were very indifferent to her. When she approached them about trying to work from home, if they had an outbreak, they told her that all she could do is use up her sick time and then have to make a decision. Mind you, she is the longest tenured employee in their entire system. But the pastor of the church made these decisions, not the school administration.
People I knew as brothers and sisters in Christ, were hateful. Down right hateful, and it confused me. But, I have often wondered why the Word says "Few" will inherit the kingdom, and I understand that now, more than ever. It pained me to see that so many I respected, had prayed with and churched with, just flat out failed.
Christ was asked what the most important commandments were, and He responded;
Love God with all your heart, mind and soul.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
That is what Christ told us to do. And they failed miserably. Christ also said; whosoever hates his brother is a murderer.
Those are some very strong, yet very clear words for us to heed. I won't judge these people, but I will certainly say they need to reflect on their behaviors. From the pastor down.
I am going to ask my dad about the Scottish heritage. He has the McDaniel crest on his wall. I thinks it was around the Dundee and Aberdeen areas. I know some of the family ended up in Ireland, and some of us here in the US.
O Kyle, what you say grieves me deeply. I am so very sorry for the way you’ve been treated.. As you say, such behaviour is completely against the teaching of Jesus.
I am lost for words… If people in my church had behaved like that, I’d never go there again. But for you, that church was your family – brothers and sisters in Christ. You go back a long way with them…
I suppose we have to forgive such people, but as you say, they certainly need to reflect on their behaviours.
Thank you for sharing, in spite of the pain it must have caused you. May God bless you and bring His healing of these deep hurts...
Believe me, I would have never asked this in anyone. I’ll heal, God will see to it, but I will never forget. You can be told you don’t matter only so many times. Of course they would say I matter, but words are cheap. I raised my children to know that actions speak louder than any words. And I believe that to my soul.
I hear you, Kyle. I'm glad you believe you'll heal, but it's not easy when wounds go so deep - especially wounds from people you thought were friends.
As you say, you'll never forget. Even when we manage to forgive, it doesn't mean we can forget.
Very understandable that your doctor told you to stay out of church. Even in churches where people do get vaccinated and wear masks, the risk is still there.
My husband and I have only been inside our church once since Covid started, and that was for a rather special adult baptism. We sat in the back corner by the fire exit door (which someone kindly opened for us). We went in and out that way so never went through the main church at all. All the congregation were wearing masks (including us of course). That was last month and we didn't catch anything.
Most Sundays we stay home and join church services via Zoom though. That has been a great blessing. Very different from being there in person of course, but I’ve got used to it. I enjoy drinking tea during the service, and walking round the room whenever I feel like it.
Could you and your wife find a church that has services via Zoom - a church that is more compassionate towards vulnerable people? I believe there are some totally “Online Churches” out there.
Longterm though, you must long for your own church to recognize how badly they have treated you, and for them to re-think their attitudes to vaccinations and masks. That would be showing real Christian love – and might save some of their own lives too.
Thank you Paula. Our church has online services, but I can’t find it in me to watch, with all that’s happened. I watch and listen to Adrian Rogers podcast/videos. He has passed away, but his sermons are so powerful and relevant. I also listen to other sermons/pastors. My wife does the same. Read our bibles and study. I am getting ready to order a Interlinear (Hebrew and Greek) Bible for studying.
You know, for me, although I wished they would get vaccinated, it proved to be a fools errand when vaccinated people started getting Covid. So that part, I kind of understood. I didn’t get not trying to give your immune system an edge, but to each his/her own. But, it was the outright refusal to help keep vulnerable people safe. Absolutely refused to wear a mask. Actually laughed at us and called people like me sheep, without knowing anything about our circumstances. That was the part I could not take.
I actually know people that had Covid and went out and about without any thought of others. I would NEVER, and I mean never, put someone at risk. That is so selfish. Me and another guy were talking about vaccinations one day. His position was that no one and nothing was going to make him, or anyone in his family, take a vaccine. That was a violation of his rights. I asked him if he had ever heard of a blue card, which is proof of vaccination to be able to go to school with other children. He scoffed and said it was different. I told him only if they don’t decide to mandate them. He said that was unconstitutional, and I told him to just Google the US Supreme Court decision on that matter. That infuriated him. And he looked me in my eyes and said, I quote, “Look man, I’m sorry you have cancer and all that, but that’s your problem, not mine. Ain’t nobody putting that s**t in my body”. I was dumbfounded.
I’ve had many such conversations in the last 2-3 years. There is no way to forget what I’ve seen and heard.
Very well said. It’s almost as if these anti vaccines people don’t care. This, while families are losing loved ones to Covid. Sad situation. Be well my friend.
I find your story very sad Kyle, as a reflection of how people can behave towards one another and how that has eroded your faith in human nature. I'm sure it will be restored when someone bestows on you an extraordinary act of kindness out of the blue. It will happen.
In my neck of the woods COVID brought out selfish behaviour in some, but the majority were considerate - to the extent they followed government guidance - and there were always those who went out of their way to help, and there still are.
What's changed lately here is that government guidance has gone missing, like COVID no longer exists. It's like political leaders are afraid to intervene in any way that might hinder economic recovery. Many organisations encourage employees to come to work with symptomatic COVID, "just wear a mask if you feel like it". Still, some people get more than the expected mild cold and become quite sick for weeks. And they are not necessarily the unvaccinated, the elderly, the immunocompromised, or the otherwise unhealthy.
Our privelege, if you like, is that we are not going to be among those whom COVID takes by surprise. Whatever anyone else says and does, we keep our guard up, we are prepared.
Remind me where you are? I am in the Deep South. Mobile, AL. So, masks, vaccines, and any other preventatives, are a no go, for the most part.
From the beginning of the pandemic until now, there has been very little compliance with any of the Covid precautions. Serious push back.
I hope you’re right, but I won’t hold my breath. I know people are tired of Covid, I certainly am. But my feelings don’t change the fact that we are still at risk and need to be careful.
This is awful. I keep shoe covers and a box of masks around, we are taking bids for an overdue bathroom repair/reno (no cold water access at sink, bathtub grout mildewed due to tub not level, possible infractructure damage needing mold remediation we see non sealed wood tub surround with black splotches growing through. Plus replacing a hot water heater installed 2003 and can give out any day now! If they aren't willing to mask/cover for a walk-through to do the estimate, I won't consider them. But some of the companies are verifying before sending people out, if anyone has Covid symptoms, and a few people have had their own KN95 masks (I offer surgical ones). I don't have the pushback you do, this is truly awful!
Really?? I am Scottish. My family has a pub in Scotland somewhere. My dad knows where.
We have these comedians that make videos in Mobile about southern foods, etc. They have a Scottish guy on with them and it is hilarious to watch his reactions.
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