Go to the wedding, or not?: My husband and I are... - CLL Support

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Go to the wedding, or not?

OaktownA profile image
38 Replies

My husband and I are struggling to make a decision - his younger cousin is getting married at the end of February, in Dallas. There will be about 180 guests, and all are supposed to have been vaccinated if attending. Some will be flying in from various parts of the country, including CA and mid-West. Of course no one will be masked during the event, other than possibly the event staff. (We are waiting for confirmation on this.)

I am triple-vaxxed and boosted; my husband, who is on Calquence for CLL treatment, received Regeneron in December, and the Evusheld injections a few weeks ago. We know that only in-vitro tests show its strength against Covid, but also reading that while it may not provide a total barrier, it will prevent death or severe disease should he get it.

Like many of you, we've severely restricted our activity since Covid began and doubled down once Omicron came on the scene; I haven't been in a grocery store since November. The lack of social activity has been really hard and depressing, and he hasn't visited our sons living on the East Coast because flying/travelling is just not a great thing to do. But now that a) Omicron cases are flattening and dropping (I'm watching the trends in Dallas as well), and b) he has the extra layers of protection from Regeneron and Evusheld, we are wondering if maybe we could attend this family event, be with our sons and family, and treat ourselves to some badly needed fun without feeling like we're engaging in stupidly risky behavior. (I should also mention that we would be able to fly privately, thanks to a very generous relative.) His oncologist felt that if Omicron were no longer center stage at that point, it would probably be okay.

Of course we won't decide until a few more weeks. We continue to vacillate between "Yes, it's probably safe, and for our mental health and wellbeing, the reward is greater than the risk" and "What are we thinking?" Assuming Omicron continues to make its way out - what would YOU do?

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OaktownA
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38 Replies
Justasheet1 profile image
Justasheet1

Oak,

It’s a calculated risk but one I would take.

Jeff

lankisterguy profile image
lankisterguyVolunteer

Hi OaktownA,

-

I did a similar risk reward dilemma this past June for my daughter's wedding.

My conclusion was to wear an N95 respirator mask all the time I was around a large crowd. Whether in an airplane, a church sanctuary or the reception hall, I kept my N95 on.

-

When I wanted to eat or drink, I moved to a much safer area - outdoors upwind of everyone else, a separate room with excellent air movement or filtration, etc. I had explained the reasons and actions to all my family, so whenever others saw my actions as odd, there was usually a family member that could explain why my wife and I were the only ones masked, and occasionally not visible.

-

Len

SofiaDeo profile image
SofiaDeo

Once in a lifetime events are quite a bit different than random partying, IMO. I personally would be more like Len & wear an N95 to make the risk closer to zero, but everyone has their own comfort level. Especially with a private flight, with I am assuming other relatives who aren't really risky. IMO it's more the airport than the airplanes themselves that pose the most risk, which is drastically cut when not using large commercial airlines.

Davidcara profile image
Davidcara

Omicron is coming down. Although still much transmission and infections. It is a matter of risk. Few months ago I would have said no way. But now, could not fault you either way. Your husband had Evusheld, there are some early treatments now, but still a risk. As others have said, make sure he wears an N95 when around others. Might be a good idea to bring some rapid test with you. Just in case one of you feel unwell while on the trip. Could take a quick test, just to know your status and if any possible action should be taken. Yeah, I don’t know this is a hard one.

Jonquiljo profile image
Jonquiljo

I guess I am an outlier here. The end of February is only a few weeks away. Dallas? 180 guests from all over? No masks? Staying in a hotel?

Your husband's Regeneron will likely not help against omicron - but his Evusheld will. But no masking in a big crowd? I don't think that is prat of the protocol that the makers of Evusheld suggest you adhere to post - injection.

Flying privately does help. You still have the Pilot and Co-pilot that could be infected. If you fly into large airports (like DFW), you have security and large amounts of people to contend with. Many small airports will be OK for most private jets. And very few people use them. Most small airports are more convenient to your final destination than large ones.

Omicron may have peaked by then but will hardly be gone. It really is a question or risk vs. reward and only you can decide that. But IMO, it is a high-exposure situation. Good luck.

Sorry, but I am conservative and see better ways to get out and about safely.

HopeME profile image
HopeME

You folks have done everything correctly. Plus, it sounds like your husband’s oncologist has given him the green light. Combine this with the fact that you are traveling on a private plane and Covid trends are rapidly falling in the US and it seems reasonably safe. I’d go but admittedly I have never been sick so I’m probably more of a risk taker than I should be. What ever you decide I wish you well.

Best

Mark

Moon-shadow profile image
Moon-shadow

Just returned from our daughter's wedding. Fortunately I had active Sovitrimib antibodies for protection, so masked up, and had a wonderful time. We did choose to stay at an Air BnB, to limit our exposure at the crowded hotel.

Onmytime profile image
Onmytime

I’m that cautious one! With that said, I can’t help but let myself take a risk on a special occasion. Life is too short not to be happy! Be careful - you know how to protect yourself!

stevesmith1964 profile image
stevesmith1964

Go to the wedding. You have to enjoy life and Covid is here to stay. I have had all 3 variants and Omicron was very mild for me. I am stage 4 CLL in remission for 6 months , have been triple jabbed but had no antibody response, but must have had a good T cell response. I was diagnosed 13 months ago and went straight to treatment. I shielded for a while post lockdowns but as a full time dad to a 4 and 2 Yr old I have to live life with them, thankfully I am retired so have no work or money worries. I know it's all personal choice but covid is her to stay so we have to enjoy life or else what's the.point.

kitchengardener2 profile image
kitchengardener2

I so feel and identity with you. After almost two years of shielding we were invited to a family wedding last August. I had only just started my treatment for CLL with Acalabrutinib (Calaquence) and we were just too frightened to go. It was to have been our first mixing with family but covid was still a real problem in London where the wedding was. We gave backword to our already accepted invitation and stayed home. Really glad we did since the groom, his best man and several guests were taken ill shortly afterwards. The decision must be yours but I think that it is too risky to say that the occasion is worth putting your health and life in danger.

Stay safe and well

LeoPa profile image
LeoPa

I'd be too afraid to go...

Mtk1 profile image
Mtk1

Oh definitely go, you said yourself that things have been depressing not going anywhere, being depressed is not good for anybody, so go and enjoy yourself, you have took all precautions and you will regret not going if you do decide not to. Personally I think at times we are too cautious and need to live a little and not hide ourselves away for ever. That’s my personal opinion by the way.Dave

We are in the UK and faced a similar decision last August when our eldest daughter got married. I am on W&W and had two AZ vaccine doses at that time. In the end I decided that I just didn't want to miss my daughters wedding. My consultant agreed. As far as we are aware everyone had been vaccinated (though we couldn't actually check!), everyone took a lateral flow test on the day. I chose not to wear a mask and did the things that the father of the bride would normally do ! I can't say that there was no risk but for me it was a life event that I just could not miss. If I was faced with a situation like yours I think that it would be a risk that I would take.

prljwendy profile image
prljwendy

My son had the same conundrum for his brother's wedding last July, but did attend, kept his mask on as much as possible, avoided hugs and kept as distant from people as he could, whilst still managing to be part of the party! Luckily the venue was large so there was plenty of space, including an outdoor area, and there was plenty of ventilation into the hall. I say go for it and enjoy a very special day! 😀

Neblinosa profile image
Neblinosa

You obviously have to weigh the physical health risk with the mental health benefit. Are you going because you haven't seen the kids or because you really want to see the cousin get married?

Personally, I would skip it and plan a small gathering with the family most important to me.

KatieBlue profile image
KatieBlue

Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but from discussions I’ve read on MedTwitter, if you have had evusheld, you may be ineligible to get sotrovimab, at least while both remain in extremely short supply.

Unfortunately those discussions centered around evusheld breakthroughs, so it may not be holding up against omicron as much as hoped.

As to TX, last month they ran out of sotrovimab and people who had appointments for it had their appointments cancelled. Have they gotten more by now? Possibly. I haven’t been following TX apart from knowing they previously ran out. Just underscoring that right now there’s no guarantee of finding or qualifying for sotrovimab.

In my situation, I cannot get evusheld. (CLL, BTK inhibitor, 0 antibodies from the vaccines, but due to limited supplies, “b-cell blood cancer pts on immuno suppressive regimens such as ibrutinib are not on the priority list.” So I sought clarification last month about access to sotrovimab if needed. If I can provide PCR proof of covid+ then I may have a chance to talk to a screener, who decides whether or not I can be put into a lottery for sotrovimab. And that’s with being an established patient.

Plan, yes, but it’s not always just knowing where the therapeutics were sent. Additionally, those who have gotten evusheld may want to also check into what options they have in the event of a breakthrough case.

Pin57 profile image
Pin57 in reply to KatieBlue

Great points KB… your right about the difficulty it can be to find treatments (that seems to be a US wide problem so I hear) and the note about Evusheld n Sotrovimab IDNK about. Good you passed that along.

OaktownA profile image
OaktownA in reply to KatieBlue

Good thoughts. Having a plan for when we return, since we would only be in Dallas for 3 days, so any needed treatment would happen back at home.

J1015 profile image
J1015

Go with your gut! Personally, I would probably go since you get to avoid DFW and the shoulder-to-shoulder monorail ride between terminals. I would keep the mask on (double mask) and maybe eat in a different area if possible. But I agree with others as far as living your life. Be diligent and go. On a side note, my husband and I caught it the week before Christmas and had such a light case that we originally assumed it was the TX Mountain Cedar sniffles.

scarletnoir profile image
scarletnoir

For a cousin? No way would I do it. (I never attended any of my cousin's weddings, and they didn't attend mine - we're not that close!)

OaktownA profile image
OaktownA in reply to scarletnoir

This is a cousin to whom my husband has a special bond so that’s why we’re not summarily dismissing it.

scarletnoir profile image
scarletnoir in reply to OaktownA

Fair enough - all families are different. That's a lot of people, though.

Phil4-13 profile image
Phil4-13

OaktownA, I'm 72, 3 yrs in W&W, vaccinated and have masks.I WOULD GO! I have a grandson wedding in August. I'm going.

Sadness and depression are unhealthy, too.

Sandra🙂

bennevisplace profile image
bennevisplace

Given recent Evusheld, I would be asking myself "If not now, when?"

Given ongoing treatment for CLL, it would be worth checking spike antibody levels near the date, and be prepared to don a N95 when it feels necessary.

I would personally just go. I have just started treatment and I've haven't had any jabs or anything and I go to all football games with 77,000 fans week in week out, never once wore a mask and I live to tell the tale. My daughter last week tested positive to covid because she was asked to take a test and it came back positive and I had been cuddling and kissing her lots and guess what no covid. I would go live your life and not miss out on a wedding we have all been deprived and conned long enough.

Go and enjoy yourself ❤️

SofiaDeo profile image
SofiaDeo in reply to

What do you mean "we have all been....conned long enough?"

It's great you went maskless and didn't catch anything. It's not 100% guaranteed one WILL catch it without a mask, just like it isn't 100% guaranteed one will have a mild case, or that one will definitely die, from it. It's the uncertainty, and the effect this disease is having on large populations worldwide. The statistics/percentages dictate this is not something mild no one needs to be concerned about. I certainly don't want to risk getting limbs amputated, or getting Long Covid, or even dying. But no one is "being conned." Are you saying all the deaths are a lie, all the overflowing hospitals are a lie, all the stressed out healthcare workers are a lie? That people with Long Covid are faking it? Please Just. Stop. It. with the medical misinformation. And trying to hijack a post where the question is "should we go or not", it's not asking for comments on whether or not Covid is fake.

in reply to SofiaDeo

Let me just start with Ive had covid twice, once whilst on treatment and another time a few month prior to starting treatment or should I say tests said so because these were tests I had to take for access. I had no side effects at all and I've been and seen verious people who had covid whilst I was in their company and again no signs of this super contagious virus/bug! My sister in law and cousin have both worked on the covid ward and hospitals are not packed out at all and quite the opposite to what social media portrays that is all I am saying. I am just trying to say you have waisted so much time stuck in your house etc. Don't miss out on family weddings etc, turn the TV off and go and enjoy your life worry free about covid. Your jabs protect you right? Strains weaken and weaken each time now trust that science x

OaktownA profile image
OaktownA in reply to

Deprived out of caution for our own health and safety, yes. Conned, no. No one has been lying to anyone, unless you count Trump and the anti-vaxx ilk. That kind of statement is one of the reasons we’re all still mired in this shit. Science bears out that Covid is a very real risk to those with blood cancer, so I’m going to go with science over feelings.

in reply to OaktownA

Yeah keep trusting the science and we'll all be safe 👍👍

BladeRunners profile image
BladeRunners in reply to

It's the kiss of derision here to say you are not jabbed, as indeed neither am I. I was banned thrice for just saying I wouldn't countenance the jab in any form, I never encouraged a soul to follow me, but still got banned and censored... I admire your ability to make a decision for yourself...It requires much more inner searching and research, to run in an oposite direction to the herd, and yes you might die, I might die, but I've got news for this hub..We all die in the end!

Atds profile image
Atds

I safely attended a cousin’s wedding recentlyand was really glad I did. I’ve had 4 shots - still test negative for antibodies - and have not had any preventative treatments. I announced when I was invited that if I attended, I would be wearing a KN95. Some people were masked but most weren’t. I kept the mask on for the reception and ate outside. Everyone in the family knows my vulnerability and no one gave me a hard time. I was very happy to be able to see them all after almost 2 years in isolation and it was worth it.

Davidcara profile image
Davidcara

I replied to this a few days ago, but have a few questions/ concerns. What age is your husband? Why did he receive regeneron and then Evusheld a few weeks later? Does he have any other known co-morbidity. Like diabetes, hypertension, obesity?

My concern is did he recently have covid, or an exposure, hence regeneron?

Besides CLL, other medical conditions also put people at risk for a poor outcome.

So don’t think you can just look at CLL as the only factor. In addition, just because his MD signs off on the trip, does not make it safe or without significant risk.

As many would like to think, covid is not over.

You two could go, have a great time, and come back without issues. Or, well you know the other possible scenario. Good luck on your decision.

OaktownA profile image
OaktownA in reply to Davidcara

He’s 52 and in good health, aside from CLL. Exercises daily. Takes maintenance drugs for asthma. Got Regeneron as a means of protection from Covid, not because he ever had it. Got Evusheld because literally the day he got Regeneron it came out that it offered no protection against Omicron. So all in an attempt to add layers of protection. We agree that Covid is far from over, and that his doctor’s vague thumbs up is not the absolute approval of safety - we accept that as long is Covid is out there (and until he can somehow gain antibodies) there will always be risk. I guess it’s a question that many face, CLL or not - at what point do we decide to start taking calculated risks that may also improve our quality of life? It’s a really hard thing to ponder. The isolation of the last 2 years has been really hard and definitely taking a toll. Just can’t decide if this is the event to take that leap.

Davidcara profile image
Davidcara in reply to OaktownA

I see, thanks for answering my questions. Yep, tough decision. I am a little concern about the asthma but, his age and otherwise good health besides CLL are positives. Is you decide to go, I would take my previous advice. Wear N95, bring rapid test, don’t let your guard down.

SofiaDeo profile image
SofiaDeo in reply to Davidcara

Yes, wearing a mask I think throws things into the "safer" option. When we had to attend codes in the hospital, for patients who were in negative pressure rooms due to their infectious disease, we all had to pause briefly outside the room to don N95 masks and eye, hair and foot shields in addition to the gowns/gloves we routinely wore. This was to protect us from catching whatever the patient had, or carrying it out of the room. So I personally am pretty comfortable putting in lubricating eyedrops or wearing goggles, and wearing an N95, in these Covid times. And why I have recommended it on HU.

loran6t8 profile image
loran6t8

Hi OaktownAI understand your dilemma. I’m 53 and have a very busy home life w&w for 7 years.

I made the decision to enjoy my grandchildren and go on holiday. Yes they are all risky but we take precautions mask up; sanitise hands etc.

when shielding I felt like my life had stopped and the anxiety and depression started to creep in. To me the planned risk is worth the joy and feeling of still living.

I’m not reckless just careful but I’m trying to make the most of an awful scary situation.

You have a private jet - I’d be going if only for that experience haha. Seriously wear your mask ask to sit in a good ventilated position at the wedding and try to put some safeguards in place.

We have to try to enjoy the life we live.

If you go I hope you have a wonderful time ☺️

Big_Dee profile image
Big_Dee

Hello QaktownA

For a cousins wedding I would skip, on the other hand it may well be a family reunion. Take all of our usual precautions but try to enjoy yourself. Blessing.

campasino profile image
campasino

There are so many people who ask this question that is quite unbelievable. Imagine if you were an astronaut in outer space and you turn to the Astronaut next to you I said, “I’m just so depressed about being cooped up in here! So, do you think it’s all right now if I go out for a space walk without my spacesuit?”

#Covidaintover

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