Morning all,
Been quiet for quite a long time. I’m still MRD /according to last bloods & due BMB mid August.
I’ve felt slightly broken in the head for about 6wks, due to start counselling via Christie’s in a month - the last 5yrs have taken a toll and probably now it’s all hitting home.
The transition out of lockdown is easy on some levels but when you drill into the situation, it becomes impossible to get your head around it.
I do hope that it helps.I think I might be teetering on the edge as well.
Will try to summon up some positive vibes for us both.
Colette x
Sorry to hear you’re struggling Sepsur and glad you’re scheduled to start with some psychological/emotional help with this. The cumulative events of the past 5 years must surely have taken their toll on you as they would anyone. Your mammoth health challenges needed for a term of calm and certainty but we were instead thrown into the pandemic and lockdown with all its restrictions. The impact on family cannot be underestimated and I know that has been a major concern to you.
Many of us identify with the way you are feeling and the natural worries about living in a world that thinks every vaccinated person has become impervious to the effects of the virus.
You’re strong but everyone can only bend so far. We are here for you with understanding.
Newdawn
Wishing you all the best, Miles, and am glad you have the sense to reach out for some assistance. So many times we manage through the crises as they are happening, just to get us through them, but the after effects can last longer and often need attention. And just dealing with a chronic cancer can be a big drain on ones inner resources. Add other issues to that, it can be very difficult.
I am so glad you shared this with the forum. I'm sure there are many here in the same boat.
Very good news about your blood work - I am so happy for you!
Take care and keep us posted on how you are doing.
🤗🙏❤️
D.
Thank you - I will. I think the final straw was a business venture going array the same morning I had to put my beloved dog down before I drove down to London to see my Dad after 18months - the Alzheimer’s has rendered him mute in that time - that same afternoon.
I'm so sorry, Miles. That is alot to handle. Any one thing would be hard but it is no wonder you are feeling the way you do. What you're feeling is a normal reaction to being overloaded. I am so glad you are reaching out for support. It's the smart thing to do.
Big hug,
D.
PS - thinking of your wife as well. You both have been through so much.
Take one minute at a time. I’m hurting for you because I’ve been there. Jeff
I lost my Dad to alzheimers after about 5 years. His last year or so he did not know any of us and in his last 6 months he did not speak. When he died everyone said they were sorry to hear I lost my father last week. I told them I did not lose him last week, I lost him a couple of years ago when he no longer responded to us with a smile or a nod and stopped speaking. There was just nobody in there...it just wasn't my Dad anymore. His personality and humor were gone...everything.
Now when I get forgetful or I'm not firing on all 6 cylinders I wonder if I am in the early stages of Alzheimers. It just tends to follow one like a nightmare. Sorry to hear that you have joined another Club nobody wants to be a part of.
Praying for you , your Dad and your beloved Dog .🙏
My goodness, that was a basketful, Sepsur. I am so sorry, and I think you are entitled to feel pretty low. You have done so well up to now, I think it’s time life gave you a calm period, so you can mend from all the troubles you have survived.I hope the counselling will give you new hope, and we all wish you well for a happier future. Please keep in touch, there are a lot of people who care for your well-being.
Chrisx
Sorry for all the troubles you had to endure Miles. Your plate has been full for some time and it must be overwhelming for you. It is time to get some help and congratulations for reaching out.
I hope you will find the help suited to your needs. There was a time in my life I had to ask for help and that was the best decision in my life.
You are in remission now 👏👍🏻and hopefully it is long-standing so you will be able to channel your energy towards emotional and mental healing.🙏🏻
I wish you all the best on this important journey and will keep you in my prayers 🙏🏻
Big 🤗 to you and your wife
Dana
Thank you so much
Miles, your description of the one-two punches that just kept coming in succession made me cry. Being knocked down over and over after the many times CLL has worked you over had had to make it difficult to face the day in and day out of living after the blows--so many losses of such significance at once.
The best decision I have ever made and one that helped me enormously was to see a therapist. I learned as much in that experience about me as I had up to that time in my life.
The most interesting thing about the experience is that what I learned about me was not new to me, but just not allowed to surface and be recognized until that talking it all out happened in the sessions.
I do so hope your experience will be as gainful for you. We are here for you, Miles and I have you in my thoughts.
Sepsur, I'm sending you some of my happiness that I get from taking the grandkids to the park, picking tomatoes from the garden, and kissing my wife (to keep her from fussing at me so much!). God Bless
Oh Miles, I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much grief. I lost three beloved Greyhounds in two years so have a small inkling of how much the loss of a pet impacts your life.
Your father's illness too must be a great worry especially when you are some distance away.
I hope very much that the counselling helps you get back on track mentally. It's something I'm seriously considering myself as I don't always cope well with all this.
Please do let us know how you get on. We care very much and you aren't alone.
Warmest best wishes.
We don't know each other, but sending up prayers for you, anyway. Feel better. Hugs. xx
Thank you
Huge support my friend!
Thank you - hope you are doing ok
Thanks, Not very... Uncannily similar things here, I feel I know what you are going through through and through. Cyber support like you're my brother Sepsur.
😬😬😬 blind leading the blind?
I was talking to a friend today - we help run a charity for people recovering after critical care - & said I’ve entered a phase where I am now a helpless helper.
Maybe England eventually beating Germany in a football match of significance is an auspicious sign for us all.
‘Helpless helpers’ can be the best Miles. Those who have trod the hardest road are best placed to help those still on the painful journey. You won’t be helpless for long, of that I’m sure 😉
Newdawn
😬😬😬 blind leading the blind?
Nah. just a little unwanted sychronicity.
I do feel quite rudderless. I don't thrive on this kind of impairment and inability to seize the day, watching the days slip by ungrabbed.
Anyway, Rah for England if it brings you joy!!!
Yes rudderless and trying to regain the initiative in life
Oh hope the BMB goes well. Be positive xxxx
Thank you
We don't know each other but gosh you have certainly been put through the mill. Sending you love and prayers
Thank you 🙏
Miles - I’m sorrythat you have been hit with so much at once, in addition to your past issues and figuring out how to deal with the insanity of this pandemic. I suspect that counselors of various types will be the men and women of the hour for the next year or two. Bit by bit so many of us are trying to make sense of what comes next, without obvious guidelines.
I did think of you and BB the other day. I suddenly became very aware of the buzzing of bees while outside, but they were not on any of my good bee plants and seemed much louder than I would have expected. I looked toward the house just as a swarm flew past over the roof - looking for new digs? The nature lovers around here are constantly calming people down someone finds a resting swarm that they didn’t expect and we have a handful of bee keepers who will go out to rescue them if they choose a bad location,
I think it’s been a very busy & swarmy season here because of the absurd weather again.
We all understand 🤗Wishing you good luck in feeling a lot better soon,
Fran 😉
Help me, please. I'm very new to this, just got diagnosed about two months ago. I don't understand the terms. What is MRB and BNB? I guess I need CLL for Dummies..
BMB is bone marrow biopsy and MRD - is remission 😊
On the face of it - I should be ecstatic ( which I am about my diagnosis) but 5yrs of crap have had an effect -
CLL is very treatable and I wish you well on your journey @sugar03
Hello,It’s MRD - minimal residual disease = good
BMB - bone marrow biopsy = ok and hopefully you will never need one.
Colette
For me I have withstood blow after blow for the last four years. It will be three years ago August 23rd. I lost my husband from AML. Last week finding out their is nothing more they can do for my daughter in law with small cell lung cancer was the last straw. . She was the wife of my son who was murdered three and one half years ago. I just completed O and have six month to go on V. I can't seem to get on with things after the isolation either. Best of luck with your therapy. I have followed you and feel you will do very well.
You have suffered more than anyone ever should Analeese and I feel for you and your family. Sending a supportive hug to you for the better times you most certainly deserve.
Newdawn
Analeese,
Your pain brings tears to my eyes but also inspires me to be a better man. Life is not fair but your courage is incredible.
Don’t throw in the towel, God has a plan for all of us.
Jeff
So sorry to hear you’re feeling low. I can understand how hard it must be to keep afloat when so much is going wrong. One day at a time.Peggy
A New Year message from CLL Support.
First consultation - mixed results
Message: please stay home 
Stepping out now COVID-19 restrictions have eased in UK
Muting a member in Private Messages/Chat
