I had a deformity that makes my face very odd looking. On top of that I have scoliosis and myopia. And I don't know how to live anymore, I'm locked up at home in the dark all day. I lost 20 kilos which made my face even worse. I look old on top of that and very sad. As soon as I go out people laugh at me, even my family. My boyfriend doesn't even want to look at me anymore and forces himself because he knows I have suicidal thoughts. I don't have a job or friends and I don't think I will ever have any more because everyone is avoiding me. I had such an awful childhood so why is life on top of that doing this to me? How do I live if I know I'll never have a family again? How do I mourn my old face?
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Alexher
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Hi, I'm a 24 yo old guy from France. I'm hopeless too. I failed university, stopped talking to my family, became homeless a few months then moved to the opposite side of France alone.
I have fibrous dysplasia on the left side of my face since I'm 12. I tried for so many years to break it and make it less disturbing by removing some of the really hard part, crushing, smashing, pinching it. The doctors just tell me to accept it. I swore when I was 15 to never ask for a relationship or even a hug before I heal. I'm still waiting, no hope left.
The only thing that makes me happy is that I will never have a child, and I won't force life to anyone, with or without my bad genes.
I found a community (about 150k people on reddit for/antinatalist, and then r/chronicillness) that have enough empathy and self-consciousness for me to have discussions about life. Sometimes it helps.
Salut, tu parles donc français ? La vie est trés difficile surtout en habitant au centre villes.. Où tout le monde te juge constament malheureusement.. J'aimerais m'enfermer toute seule au fond des bois. J'irais voir le groupe Reddit. Merci beaucoup de ton commentaire, ça me fait plaisir de voir que certaines personnes comprennent ❤️
Hi Tilio Welcome to the Changing Faces community. Thank you for your post and for sharing about your situation. It sounds like you have been through a difficult time and experienced lots of changes and challenges recently. I can hear that you mentioned feeling hopeless and previously trying to remove your fibrous dysplasia yourself. We would recommend speaking with a health care professional to get further support with how you are feeling.
Its great you have found an online community who you can open up to and that they have been empathetic and helpful at times.
If you need further support, you may also find it helpful to look at the website I have included below which includes helplines available in France.
Hi Alexher! I'm very sorry to hear that! It seems that you're going through a lot right now. It's hard to judge or advise when somebody has those desperate thoughts and feelings! You sound pretty much overwhelmed and it seems that you have reached a critical point in your life as you're having suicidal thoughts. However, amidst all the despair you may be feeling right now, you've made a wise choice: you have let that feeling known to this group and that's a huge leap forward!Here, the first thing you're going to hear is...Hang in there! Keep looking, and keep asking for the help you desperately need! Don't give up the search now because you will see here that there are answers to your questions and concerns...those you're putting out in words off your chest!
So, WAIT FOR THE ANSWER AND THE SUPPORT WE CAN GIVE YOU IN THIS GROUP. DON'T STOP YOUR SEARCH JUST YET! You're searching, probing, and asking for help. You've come all the way to this group and you're calling the right places, so in short, still HANG IN THERE ONE MORE TIME!
Now, how to answer your question about being happy? I'm going to tell you I think that's the most difficult question ever! because no one, even people without disfigurement, is completely happy. "Happy" can't be 1/2 happy, a bit happy, 75% happy, or whatever, so "happy" means 100% happy ALL THE TIME...or not, so who can be happy? I think no one can. I have a cranial deformity caused by torticollis and I'm 56 years old...I tried to end my life many years ago but I was lucky to be taken to the nearest hospital on time. Do I regret it? You can DEFINITELY SAY SO! We are so eager to conform to other people (family, friends, etc.) that we forget to take good care of ourselves, like you say your health is being affected by this problem. This means, we place greater value on pleasing other people than on taking care of our own health, be it mental or physical...take it from me, I'm speaking for me more than for yourself! This time, take the next step: SPEAK TO YOUR GP, YOUR MENTAL COUNSELOR, WITH THE PEOPLE OF THIS GROUP, you name it...don't leave your mouth shut, spit it out!
Welcome to the group, you're in good hands now!
See you around, Alexher, write to me at least to say hello, we'll all be right here for you!!
Thank you very much ❤️ You were able to say what my entourage couldn't tell me. If I had people like you in my life I would certainly have been happier. It warms me to see that some people care. I will try to do my best, even if this loneliness and this rejection still hurts me .. Thank you, you do not know how much this warmed my heart
Haha, I'm glad you feel better!! Remember, the magic is all in you, nobody else can treat you better than you treat yourself! What are your thoughts about how to go about it? Could you share some of the things you could do? I look forward to your reply!! 😁
Wow how everything can change in the space of a few hours. I butted heads with my mother because i saw the contempt in her eyes. My deformity is not visible but it made me very ugly. To the point where people passing by laugh at me. I don't want to experience this pain anymore. I don't want to live like a rejection anymore. It's either one day i take my own life or i'll end up in an asylum. Either way i'm gonna end up alone. As a woman, to be ugly is to be nothing. I don't want to experience this loneliness anymore. In the space of 2 months my life has completely changed. What kills me is that my entourage was getting used to it, but since I told them about it they noticed it even more and only see that now. My boyfriend also got used to it and once i told him about it he noticed and doesn't want me anymore. I'm so ugly no one will want me, i'm serious. My boyfriend was with me before i became like this so he didn't notice it.I'm so mad at myself, because i made them notice it. That's why I want to hurt myself. I really ruined all my chances of being with someone by reminding them that i look really ugly. I used to live with my boyfriend and talked to my family without feeling horrible. Now every day my family reminds me of what i have become. I found myself completely alone in this large, empty room. I no longer have a goal.
I'm sorry for this text but I don't have who to talk to and no one who could understand
I blame myself because if i didn't point it out, maybe my boyfriend would be right next to me right now. If I hadn't pointed it out maybe my family wouldn't look at me with a smirk. Maybe if I hadn't said anything I wouldn't feel this loneliness. That's why i want to end it
Hi Alexher! I can see you're really hurting inside and I'm still hoping to cheer you up, at least a little bit, like when you thanked me above! I felt really good I could make you feel positive things! I know family could be a real nuisance sometimes, boyfriends, too, and almost everybody else for that matter.
Is there a way you can reach out to somebody who can provide professional help for you right now, meaning as we speak?
I'm really concerned about you and I think you can make that phone call, either to the emergency service or a special line, and report you're feeling that way.
It's not shameful to seek help, on the contrary, it's rewarding and cathartic, you'll feel great relief once you ask for help, even if you do it privately and confidentially, you don't have to let others know you're asking for help with the health service available to you, because it's your life and it's your decision.
I know you want to feel better. C'mon, pick up the phone and ask for help. I'll be here to hear from you and know how everything went. Do that for me!Thanks, write to me as soon as you can.
Hi, thanks for always listening. I'm afraid to ask for help. Because even my own mother doesn't take me seriously when i cry to her about my suicidal thoughts because she only sees my ugly face and it makes her laugh (even if she hides it) It make me sad because it wasn't like that before. If my family doesn't take me seriously because of my face so how can an unknown person? I'm also scared because the only time i went out everyone was laughing at me. My face makes people uncomfortable, so i'm afraid that by going for help they too will be disgusted by my face and end up not taking me seriously. And it will crush my soul
Alexher, it so seems you have few options, but I can assure you that in all my years I have yet to see a mental health professional laughing at somebody asking for help...if you have seen it yourself by all means let me know, it would be my first time ever. I mean, it's good that you're letting these feelings be on paper, or on-screen, instead of being all inside, and if it makes you feel better don't stop at all.
Have you seen those wonderful boys and girls at Changing Faces?? ALL OF THEM are going or once went through the same experience as yours. One of my "heroes" is Adam Pearson, but he's one among many.
I'm not saying to compare yourself to anybody, but somehow we have to admit they are really special and extraordinary for the way they show us how to deal with these issues, not coming from people detached from these feelings, but from those who have gone through a whole lot and are there to tell us about it.So, we are all here to help the community, now you included as a new member. So, start helping others who share the same situation, because heeeey...believe it or not you're strong, smart, and why not? like everybody else here, you're beautiful too!
I cherish you the way you are, I respect you, and I consider you outstanding. Like many of us have sometimes, you're just a bit confused...give it time.
I really encourage you to ask for help and don't be afraid of the caretaker's reaction. If you live in England, there are specific laws to demand rights and duties from the authorities to treat people with visible conditions. If don't live there, google legislation in your country, and I'm sure nobody would laugh at you in any healthcare setting, office, theater, you name. I'm 99.99999999999 sure about it!
Hello, I will try to seek help.But you don't know the pain i have when i go out because i'm ashamed of my head so i go out with a mask in full sun.
When I go out with or without it people laugh at me. I do not know what to do. I look like a retarded person. It hurts me because i'm not. But that's what everyone sees (So people treat me badly). It's so hard for a young woman. I no longer have the motivation, even to wash myself. This pain may never go away. I ruined my chances for a family. Why this? I think I would have preferred to have a visible disease instead of looking like this
Hello Alexher! I'm glad you'll take the most important step of all: the first one!! Please, let me know how everything goes. Show your helper (practitioner, counselor) that you're interested in improving, that it's not just "their" job to help you, but also your job to help yourself through their support. I can't wait to hear you about that!
Now, I'd like to share something a bit unpleasant (maybe disgusting), I'll explain to you in my next message what it is about, but not just yet. Do you like dogs? this is the picture of a stray dog who lives in a hole. Please don't be judgemental of the picture, but my question is "Does this dog have any possibility of surviving?" What do you think? Please write back.
Hi, I had an appointment with the psychologist. It was even worse. She was nice but i know she was shocked by my ugly face too. I only have one thing left to do. I will never have a normal life again. I want to die
Hi Alexher! It seems that the visit to the therapist did not help much. But it sounds so weird to me that this therapist looked shocked when she saw you! I mean, it's like a medicine doctor fainting when seeing blood! Can you imagine a doctor fainting when seeing blood? I can't. So this doctor must be fake or she's not worth it and you have to see somebody else. If you go to this therapist for appearance issues and instead of helping this doctor gives a look, then she's fake. Go find a real one! Let's imagine you go to the plastic surgeon looking to improve your looks and the plastic surgeon looks at you in shock, isn't this plastic surgeon at least stupid? Well, it's the same.
Yes, a lot of people are shallow and a lot aren't. It depends on who you want to hang out with. Stay away from shallow people. Now, family is a bit different, you just have to accept them the way they are, provided they respect you and give you your space, it's just family: we were born to them, we grew with them, we'll be kind of around them always, but even family have to respect your distance, your space, and your life. All this belongs to you. Now, apart from that, all other people can take a hike, and other people can go about their business and get lost. You just need those that can help you and feel good about yourself with. The rest can go and get a life. You can't make shallow people get deep if that's their nature, you just need to stay away from them and find the best people you can as friends and partners.
Hi Alexher Welcome to the Changing Faces community. Thank you for your post and for being open and honest about how you are feeling. I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with concerns about your appearance and relationships with those in your life.
I can hear you are finding things tough and can see that you have mentioned having suicidal thoughts. We would strongly recommend accessing support from a health care professional which it sounds like you have done since posting this comment which is a positive first step. If you feel like you may act on these thoughts, please do contact the emergency services in Belgium.
There are also a number of helplines in your country which you can access for listening support. I have included a link to a website which lists them below.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
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