Finding a romantic partner while having a facial difference

[ThurmanMurman]

Hi all,

This is my first time on this forum. I wish I had of found it sooner. I'm a 30yo male with a facial vascular malformation birthmark. I've had a number of surgeries and treatments throughout my life that have improved my health but my cheek and lip are still obviously different(swollen) and asymmetric to say the least (just to add, I hear all the time that part of what humans find attractive is symmetry in a biological sense unfortunately). I've never really given myself a chance with the opposite sex until I turned 29, which is horribly sad/pathetic and depressing in itself. But I did succeed in taking a couple girls out on several dates since then.

I just cannot ever bring myself to kiss them....It just seems too awkward and all I think of is the horrible experiences of people being grossed out by the way I look. It's just a split second thing to do but I can't bring myself to do it.

I've been stared at, bullied, made fun of just like many of us here but I've never been more frustrated and disappointed in myself. I feel like I put in all this work of being vulnerable but I just can't reach the top of the mountain. I went to University for years and never graduated. All that work and hard earned money for nothing. The fact that I can't be comfortable intimately reminds me of School..All that work for nothing... Don't get me wrong I enjoy getting to know them and spending time with them but omg. Like where is the playbook for deformed people and intimacy?!

Anyway I'm frustrated, disappointed and hopeless.

[Lanochka77]

Hi

Thank you for coming and sharing your life experience. I had accident which left me with a scar on my upper lip. I did knock me down.

From a beautiful and confident woman I gone right to the bottom of hell. It is 1,5 year since my accident. First year was very difficult. I still having good and bad days.

But anyway.... the thing I learned

It is your life and you have only one. You can make it happy and colourful. Do not think about other people opinions. It is their thinking not yours. People come and goes. Do not waste your life on it. People with beautiful soul and kind heart will see you as a person inside, they will not see you with your disfigured face.

For me it is become a sort of test for people around. Believe me the best, kind and lovely people will stay with you. Just one big thing try to be happy with yourself. Just start loving yourself, then people will love you.

Regarding kissing girls.

Believe me the girl whom will like you, whom will be having strong feeling for you. She will kiss you first. Do not force things just find the right one.

I am following lots of people on Instagram with different things in their bodies, faces, scars, birth marks, burns, amputees or born different. Believe me all of them strong and living the life they want. It is all in your hands to live the life you want.

Put your goals, plans and try to live happy life.

Anything can happen to anyone. The most important how you come out of it.

You can do it. You will have a best partner as she will love you and accept you with your differences as she will see you as the best partner for her. 😊 good luck. You are still young and you can have a happy life.

[ThurmanMurman in reply to Lanochka77]

Thanks