Interacting with people and fear of rejection

[sudocream]

I could really use some advice. I really struggle to meet new people without having some form of psychological breakdown first. I always have to psych myself to go out and meet people. In this manner I build a barrier to their actions and reactions. I won’t necessarily feel the extent of the staring or touching of the face where my scar is till I reach a safe space. That’s when the pain becomes all consuming. On good days I can detach and have little difficulty in meeting people but on bad days I’m at a loss, the psychological pain is crippling.

I recently had an interview and noticed my interviewers touching their face where my scar is. It caused something inside me to break and I realized how deep the unconscious bias against visible difference runs.

How can I interact with society when it abhors differences? How can I overcome this pain? How do you help yourselves on these bad days? How do you talk to people about your visible difference without fearing rejection? How do you handle fear or rejection in job interviews as a result of your visible difference?

Any help and guidance would be welcome. I’m just feeling lost.

[SamChangingFaces Partner]

Hi sudocream. Thanks for sharing this with everyone here - sounds like things are feeling challenging at the moment. At Changing Faces, we've had people reporting similar situations in interviews and feeling the bias or feeling judged. I'm sure there are others here who have similar experiences or who may have something to share with you. Take care.

[dixieden]

I don't know if I can offer help or guidance but I wanted to tell you that I feel you. I put on a brave face and make it through the job or the social gathering and I brace myself for people looking at my disfigurement or the patch i've put on to cover it up. I think I get through it okay, and then I go home and I fall apart, and spend an hour in front of the mirror and then in front of the balcony of my apartment looking down. You are not alone. If you need to vent please vent to me.

I have looked at the changingfaces suggestions for recognising that people are staring, and then humorous, or candid ways of explaining what happened. I have yet to try them but I have a meeting with some clients tomorrow where I have already made them aware of my situation in an email. I will have no choice but to employ some of these strategies when they invariably ask me what happened. I will let you know how it goes.

God bless you.

[Gorgonite]

Hi. I don't have any scars but what you've wrote i can relate to. Unfortunately I don't have any sort of advice. I've woke up this morning to an email offering me to go on a course with a guaranteed interview after. I want to but I'm freaking out. I'm supposed to ring him at some point today. Any advice for me? Since we are in similar situations I'm happy to chat whenever you like. ☺

[Skye768]

I have a facial scar across my nose, I feel so self concious and because it looks different in different angles I wonder what angle it is in whilst I am talking to people and it's so distracting and get super paranoid wondering if they can notice it as it looks different in different lightings. Or worried they can't see it in one lighting but when the lighting changes will they see it then. So much stress