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Free For All on Friday

Callendersgal profile image

Hello everyone, another Friday's arrived and here's your weekly invitation to post off-topic if you'd like. If you decide to do so, please make sure to stay within our community guidelines.

For anyone who joined us this week, welcome and please make yourself at home here. Again, please make sure to read through our guidelines and always give them regard when posting here. We like this to be a safe, relaxing space for overworked carers, to offer them respite and to discuss the many issues that arise around caring for others who are no longer able to care for themselves.

It's so hard to pick a cheery topic this week. It's been a week of unrelenting gloom on all fronts in UK for several reasons, but as it all stands right now, Christmas is still on the horizon and I'm sure that many of us are going to try to be at least a little bit festive.

Sometimes the simplest thing can cheer someone up. I called my sister for a chat this week to find out how things are going with her husband who has dementia. She's been very down recently and is finding it really hard to find light at the end of the tunnel. We did what we always do in our phone calls. Put the world to rights, exchanged family gossip and enjoyed anything funny we could come up with. At the end of our long, (and to outside ears exceptionally boring conversation), she sounded really much brighter and actually said how much better she felt, and it reminded me that even the opportunity to have a chat is really important to a housebound carer, starved of lots of simple family chat.

I took a trip down memory lane when my niece asked me if I had any pictures of my late dad. He died in the 1960s and photographs of him are really rare, but I had one digitally saved one, which someone sent me a while ago - a newspaper picture from the 1030s. I've decided to share it with you because it's a perfect example of how much things have changed with regard to health and safety at work. If you compare this scene with a typical road repair scene of today with its barriers, hi vis jackets, hard hats and cones and massive machinery, the difference is stark. Of course roads weren't so busy when it was taken.

I wonder if you can identify my dad? You've never met him so how could you possibly know? Well, he wore a very distinctive kind of headgear, always. I sometimes wondered as a child if it was welded to his head. It was lifted as a respect if a funeral cortege passed, at the arrival of a lady, and of course always indoors including church.

Well, that's it for this week folks. I hope you are weathering the many storms of life we face at present and urge you to just take the advice of the well-known song....

'When you walk through a storm hold your head up high, and don't be afraid of the dark'. Stay well, stay safe and hopefully, stay happy!

23 Replies

i do feel for your sister and her husband for dementia is a very hard burden to bear,Also regarding photo's.....i recently destroyed larged framed photo's of my dad and grandfather......and not really sure why,and i do have some regrets,not many though,?

Hi Callendersgal , thank you for sharing s trip down memory lane with the picture , I myself love looking at them and wondered how they got through but they were made out of different iron in them days my Grandmother would say . I will take a pop and say your Father is the first on the right the handsome guy I will say . X

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to Byron2020

And you're dead right Byron2020! People were cast out of different iron. That's such a lovely way to put it. He was a lovely quiet and civilised man and was subjected to the petticoat government of my mum and we four sisters. I still miss him as much as ever, may he rest in peace.

sassy59 profile image

Hi Callendersgal, it’s not been the cheeriest of weeks has it but we try and stay as cheerful as possible, for others if not ourselves. I actually find winter quite stressful because of bugs that go round so covid just adds to the anxiety. Oh well, I’ll just to my best to keep Pete well and look after me too.How lovely to chat with your sister, good to put the world to rights and have a giggle together too. I think of your sister often. She has a lot to cope with.

I love old photos and I’m hoping your dad is the one in the hat rather than the caps. Wonderful to see how people worked then. No safety gear etc.

You take care and stay safe and well.

Have a good weekend everyone and stay safe all. Xxxx🥰🤗😘💜

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to sassy59

You've done a brilliant job of keeping Pete safe and well sassy59. None of us has any guarantees, but I know you did all that was needed of us, including not seeing your own dear family for such a long time. We must hope for the strength to get us though this latest chapter of the ongoing saga that is covid19! xxx🙏💖😊

sassy59 profile image
sassy59Ambassador in reply to Callendersgal

Thank you for your kind words and yes we will get through. Stay safe. Xx💜💕💜

Made some progress this week.Called an ambulance for Jim, well the GP did due to his many problems. No face to face, from a phone call. Supposed to come within four hours. Thought that was bad enough but it arrived 11 hours later. 4am.

Thought we would find a busy Aand E with lots of ambulances queueing. No such thing. Straight in and not many patients.

The ambulance guy said my husband was low priority. He was a cocky kind of person and he didn't want me to escorts Jim

I had to spell out his inability to give correct info etc and he just walked off from me. Anyway they were fine with me being in the Aand E. Couldn't stay on the ward but the Dr phoned me for more info etc.

Turns out he had bladder stones and his enlarged prostate had caused havoc with his catheter.

They have made him more comfy and he is now home again.

Waiting for an appointment to sort out his treatment.

Changing the subject I must say how disgusted I am with all the stories circulating at the moment.

So many of us have suffered to different degrees over the last few years. I feel we have been held with contempt.

Still don't see any support for carers either.

Callendersgal profile image

Lynd there is such a disconnect from the lovely people we meet in fly on the wall documentaries about paramedics and what seems to happen on occasion. I'm going to assume it's just bad luck sometimes, but my sister was left in a similar situation with broken ribs and a husband to physically wash, dress, get up and downstairs, to the loo and all the rest. No offer of calling social services on her behalf, or anything else. I understand how busy, and how inconvenient to have to stop your more 'glamourous' workload to help in cases like Jim's and my sisters. Maybe this is an area of training which also needs some attention.So pleased Jim's been made more comfortable and is back home. It's the safest place right now, I'm sure. Totally agree about the carer situation. So far we've had one statement about what's intended and that has focused only on the financial. Not holding out much hope to be honest!

I've had a really tough week, last Friday was diagnosed with cellulitis, prescription for antibiotics and eczema cream was sent to a local pharmacy, one of my carers went to collect it it 5pm came down to me and said they were out of stock, a friend went up Monday and collected it, Dr's practice also gave me all my other meds, which I don't need yet, the date on all the labels was 3 December which was the Friday so not sure why I couldn't have them then. I'm also receiving housing & council tax benefit, I used to have a direct contact down at the office, she moved on someone else took over my claim, she moved on July time this year then nothing....... Until a week or 2 back when I had a phone call wanting to know why my salary had dropped, explained I'd been off sick since August, I subsequently had to send my lady few payslips, she also wants my sick notes, I've been able to send her the last one and one that was issued on paper, the email ones have to be opened within 28 days, but council still need to know about salary issues so I've had to email work today to try and get the answers the council want, so feel really fed up now with everything

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to Jennymary

That was a bad setback Jennymary, especially when you then had to wait for medications. You had mentioned that phone call about the change in salary and getting the answers for the council sounds like another big frustration. Sometimes it feels as if nothing is easy at all. Hoping that you get on top of the cellulitis which can be so uncomfortable and that you'll be able to get the answers you need with the minimum of trouble.

I have had plenty of episodes myself where it has felt nothing is easy as well!

Nice relaxing day today watching old episodes of coronation st from 1991 and had lunch with my sister in law.

Yesterday I felt really fed up as I was due to go for an interview and rang them up to see if it was still on and no it wasn't and thankfully I hadn't got dressed or anything when I rang and I went back to bed and cried and screamed in frustration as I was so angry!

Today I am ok about it but yesterday it felt like the world had ended though!

I had a video interview on Wednesday for a temporary job which I expect was spoken for before I went in the room and had lunch at the pub with my sister in law afterwards and she wondered if I had reacted the way I did yesterday because I was annoyed over Wednesdays interview and things had built up!

Last Saturday I had my booster jab which went well and the healthcare worker was nice.

My sister in law said how things can build up over time and yesterday when I found out that interview was cancelled and I hadn't been told it had felt like the final blow!

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to Catgirl1976

I don't wonder at your frustration sometimes Catgirl! You've had such a tough time attending job interviews and not being successful. You have to let the emotion go sometimes. It's great how you do bounce back and get up and carry on. That's your booster jab behind you too which is another job well done. Pleased you had a nice day today!

I decided to leave the job hunting for now and come back in January nice and refreshed so on Thursday when they did that they did me a favour by accident!

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to Catgirl1976

A great idea to take a break!

Perhaps there was a reason why those things didn't work out and we are being directed to better things as yesterday we cemented our decision to move and we have decided to move out of the city!

I feel so sorry for you Catgirl1976 with all the effort you put into searching for a new job. It must make you very frustrated and disappointed. When you aren’t attending interviews you seem so much happier and relaxed. 🤗🤗

It’s a shame you could not take a little break from attending interviews if you can afford to and then restart your search again afresh in the new year sometime. Also, I am sure you already do this but it is worth listing all the verbal feedback you receive from your interviews and evaluating what you can change. I always asked for feedback after interviews.

I hope you enjoy your Christmas with family and friends and have better luck next year. 🤗🤗

No need to be sorry for me as I have decided to listen to you and take your advice and what's been decided is that I was planning a break anyway from 21 December to just after the new year festivities and I thought it through would it hurt to start earlier and no it won't so I have cancelled the booked interviews for next week and then someone else can have my slot if they want it and then come back to job hunting in January.

To be fair I feel that place on Thursday did me a favour by accident when they did that and that was a lesson not to go to that employer again so no it wasn't a waste!

Next week I will see about some lie ins and long walks out and during the interview times which won't be happening I will use those times as an opportunity for self care.

Out of problems come opportunities but last Thursday when that hit it had felt like the world had ended though!

I love to look at old photos and have many passed down to me by my family. It always makes me laugh the way the Victorians never seemed to smile on their family portraits and always had some kind of scenery stuck behind them. I read lots of historical fictional romances from the wartimes and I always think how lucky my husband and I have been missing out on those terrible times, being born in the 1950s but now going into the third year of COVID, I feel this has been our time of suffering and sickness, only a different kind of war. 😌😌

I feel so sorry for all carers as we all try our best for those close to us and I agree sometimes the people who should help us along make us feel worse and sometimes very angry and frustrated. My friend’s husband called yesterday with some flowers for my birthday and informed me that his wife fell down the stairs and was very badly injured. They waited 11 hours for an ambulance! She is back home now sleeping downstairs and very uncomfortable due to all the serious bruising, until they have a chairlift fitted.

As always our grandchildren keep us going especially baby Jacob who has grown so quickly and will be one year old in February and soon to celebrate his first Christmas with our family. I feel life is passing too quickly and don’t know where the past two years have gone. 🤔🤔

However, we still feel we are lucky to still be here having lost close friends and neighbours so onward and up.

We will be celebrating a few family birthdays together before Christmas so that should cheer us up! 🎉🥳🎂 Take care and keep safe everyone! 😘😘

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to Goldenanny

A belated 'happy birthday' Goldenanny and glad about your lovely flowers, but what a shame they came with such bad news. That incident demonstrates how emergency services are struggling already and why such panic over omicron. Things might not have reached this point so early had the ambulance service and our hospitals not already been crumbling so badly. I went through this with my own sister fairly recently for a second time, only she is the carer so with no help except from her busy working family, she had to just continue, in pain. I too considered myself lucky to have gone through life with no wars or devastations, but life had other plans! I've got a growing recognition that a partially locked down life may be the norm for we oldies for the rest of our lives, which is far from appealing. If variants continue to increase in ferocity and speed, as it's claimed they are, and we have to retire to our rabbit holes for every one, life's not going to be that pleasant, but all we can do it to tackle it one day at a time.

It is amazing news that baby Jacob is about to have his first birthday. It seems like only a few moments since you were announcing his birth. How wonderful to spend Christmas with him!

Enjoy those family birthdays and keep smiling as well as staying safe and well!

thara9643 profile image
thara9643 in reply to Goldenanny


Thank you Callendersgal and I love the profile pic very clever xx


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