Husband on the transplant list

[Thomac]

My husband is on the lung transplant list here in the UK which is wonderful. We know it could be a long wait and we are ok with that but I am struggling to keep going with “normal” life. I would like to 100% focus on my husband and family but need to work until the call comes to afford the time off to support him post transplant. Any tips for keeping motivated for non transplant related stuff?

[sassy59]

Hello Thomac, it is good news that your husband is on the transplant list but at the moment, that’s what you’re really focused on understandably. It may take time to put that news onto the back burner as it were because the call could come at anytime.

Try and sit quietly and imagine yourself placing the “transplant list” into a box, seal it up and put it to one side. I do this sometimes with things and find it works. You can then hopefully focus on “normal” life.

I do wish you and your husband well and better days ahead. My hubby Pete was diagnosed with sarcoidosis in 1991 and COPD in 2010. He’s not on oxygen. Xxxxx

[Hidden]

Hi Thomac,

This is a really major factor in yours and your husband's lives. It's to be expected that you would find it difficult to focus on daily living, but on the other hand you must yearn to be able to get on with other things, and it will relieve the anxiety of it all, if you can manage to do that for some of the time.

Sassy59's great answer to you has touched on a solution, but I'd like to add to that, and mention 'mindfulness meditation'.

Unfortunately, because this has become fashionable as a term, it's being misunderstood and wrongly practiced all over the place, but the fact is that it's an ancient and effective practice for stopping minds doing what they do best, which is to run on ahead, fantasising, worrying, imagining outcomes and the like.

And mindfulness meditation is a practice to tether your mind to one spot.... And that is, this minute, which is the only minute in which reality lives. Only our minds can go back to the past, or on to the future. We can't physically be there.

Mindfulness is a simple practice. All you need is a quiet space and a few minutes, say 10 -20 to start.

Just sit comfortably and concentrate on noticing your own breathing. Most people do that by feeling the breath as it enters and leaves the nose, or feeling the rise and fall of their chests.

Don't fight thoughts. They do still come. But the idea is just to notice they are there, and acknowledge them, but then to let the thought go and bring yourself back to your breath, even if your mind's been off on a long and involved trip of imagining. Regular practice makes it easier and you will notice yourself in everyday life, bringing yourself back to the current moment and not focusing so much on all those possible outcomes that your brain imagines.

There are lots and lots of websites which can help you with techniques, and YouTube too, with timers, and practice suggestions. You can experiment and see what works for you. But when you find what is working, stick with it. And the important thing is, no matter how difficult or boring it seems to do regularly, stay with it. It takes a little time to get the best results.

I hope you won't have too long a wait for the transplant. Please do check back in here. and let us know how it's going, and how everything turns out, but meantime, very best wishes to both of you.

[FredaE in reply to Hidden]

This helps so much with all the things that try to stop you sleeping as well.

[Hidden in reply to FredaE]

Hi FredaE, yes it is and it works extra well when you are lying nice and comfortably in bed!

[lell1 in reply to Hidden]

I tend to go to sleep and miss out on the benefits!

[Thomac]

Thanks everyone for your replies.some really useful suggestions which I think will help me get through this.