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Caring for my husband

Hi, I'm new to health unlocked, I am a carer who cares for my partner of 26 years whilst holding down a full time job, doing all the house work etc and walking the dogs, plus I try to attend the gym and attend a run club twice a week!

I feel I am suffocating under pressure and wondered was there anyone else out there feeling the same?

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Honest answer is yes.

We all need time for ourselves so if you can get to the gym then keep going.

You say you work full time? How does your partner manage when you arn't around?

x

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He sleeps most of the day due to having chronic fatigue, obstructive sleep apnea and central sleep apnea. Our Son works shifts so is often around the house too x

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Just wondering why you fell suffocated?

X

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IT seems you have managed to find some time for yourself going to the gym and going running which is a good thing, as well as going out to work, If you still feel you dont have enough time to your self, maybe working part time could be an option, Maybe your son Could help with the dogs or the housework. take care.

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Hello Dawni6,

Welcome to our community. You sound like you are trying to juggle so much and feel overwhelmed, which is hardly surprising really. I'm afraid you are not alone in how you feel. But as you have begun to see, the folks here are very willing to come alongside and offer you support and a sympathetic ear. Have you considered enquiring about local respite care or to have local carer's support network, maybe have some home help, who could give you some time off and provide support to your husband? It maybe worth talking about your needs with your GP, as your health is also important to take care of. Take a look at few of these links to see if they offer some possibilities.

carers.org/our-work-locally

ageuk.org.uk/services/in-yo...

carersuk.org/

What does anyone suggest, any ideas?

Keep in touch.

Take care

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Was hoping Dawni6 would tell us why she feels suffocated. Maybe advice could come from us if we know what she herself would like.

x

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Hi Dawni6 and welcome. I care for my elderly and blind mother, though living in my own home. I felt overwhelmed but used carer visits as well in the end. I felt guilty at first and thought carers etc would think I was uncommitted and lazy. But they've been life savers. I know when they'll be with her and having others with an interest in her helps a lot. Also my mother sees a variety of people which seems to give her a social life of sorts. We paid for private carers at first but as her needs increased, I applied to social services for some financial support and extra care. We've been lucky with very kind and diligent staff and I feel as though I've now got some life back. She has four carer visits each day and they see to meals, washing and pill dispensing. I hope you can move in this direction too. Good luck.

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Thank you everyone..

Today I had a first steps session over the phone, this qualified me for counselling at my local doctors.

To answer the question on feeling suffocated, it comes from juggling everything myself & not talking to anyone about how I'm feeling, I always put Jon first and our son then the dogs.

I don't always make it to run club or the gym, depends what kind of day I've had at work or how Jon is...

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Understand you. completely.

Do you have a Carers group in your area? They can be so helpful in knowing what yu go through.. You don't even need to go to meetings...a phone call move mountains.

It used to bee PRT for carers but they may have amalgamated now. .

Can find out if you want

x

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I was told to search west cumbria carers, that's how I come this site too.. glad I did 😊

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Glad you did too!

Give me a few mins and see if I can find out what's in your area.

x

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Thank you x

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Think all my friends are tucked in for the night but did get these 2 links.

May not be any good but may be worth a peep.

trustnet.carers.org/print/l...

westcumbriacarers.co.uk/

And always happy to chat here

x

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The west cumbria carers is the one I was told to search & I'll look at the other one too...

thank you so much for helping, I should have done this ages ago instead of bottling it all up x

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I'll give my contacts a nudge during daylight.should be able to find out more then.

Quite often social works have numbers etc.If you can ever find one!

X

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Good luck with the counciling, , I looked after my Mum with dementia for many years so I know something of what you're going through, I used to go to a carers place once a week and it helped to talk, and there's always someone around on here to talk to, go easy on yourself, you can't do everything or you'll end up making yourself Il, does your Son know how you are feeling, try and have a heart to heart with him, I'm sure he'd want to help you especially with the dogs, take care,

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I have mentioned a little but I want him to live his life and not feel burdened. He works hard and also works shifts, he has a wonderful girlfriend too.

I'm hoping having people like yourselves that understand will help me, I've kept it all to myself for too long.

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It's the worse thing we can do is bottle everything up , somethings got to give in the end, you look after yourself, we're all here for you.

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I really appreciate it, thank you 😊

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HiDawni6,

Yes, I'd say this is common to many carers. I no longer have a role as a carer, but when I did, the stress and pressure could be relentless most of the time.

The temptation is to mentally go through your busy schedule and chuck out the things which will gain you a little bit of time, and 9 times out of 10 end up ditching the leisure things that you really enjoy.

Don't do that, because, no matter how stressed, it's the dog walking, the gym etc., that actually aid you to stay balanced. It's all too easy to slide into 100% caring and leave no time for the things that refresh you.

By all means give up one running session, or one class at the gym if it will give you a bit of quiet reflective time, but what about swapping a sports activity for a meditation one. Mindfulness meditation is being bandied around quite sickeningly at the moment because it's the latest fad, but in fact, many people, including myself, have been doing it for years, either spiritually or just as a means of learning to live in the present moment and thus feeling more relaxed. It teaches you a whole new way of thinking about time and how we try to live our lives in the past and future, instead of in real time, which is the current moment. It really helps.

Best wishes

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Thank you so much, that is really helpful advise.

I get so tired and emotionally drained that maybe swapping a high energy activity for something more relaxing & reflecting may help more in the long term..

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I have a contact email for you Dawni6 but won't post here.

Will send you pm. It is an old friend who lives in West Cumbria and more than happy to help

x

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That's very kind... thank you. I'm at work today but I'll check it out soon as I can

X

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Hi I am caring my husband David and I feel very overwhelmed with it all. The only time I really have time to myself is when I go shopping. I always worry about him when I am out. We are both depressed and I am trying to help David as well.

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Hi.... sorry to hear this, it can be so hard having any time to yourself, I'm lucky I can still work but I have to help Jon before & after and always feel pulled towards putting him before everything else to the point I don't know who I am any more. I have in the past had to give up work to care full time, but soon as I can I go out to work again.

I recently self referred to first steps so I've someone to talk too, that's also how I came across this site.

Do you have any outside help or counselling sessions?

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