I am a carer for my husband

[Thoms98]

I have been caring for my husband fo r the last ten years. He has Parkinson's and severe mobility problems. He is housebound. We have carers three times per day. As time goes on he is very anxious when I leave the house for shopping etc. We have been married for sixty two years.

[Philip]

I’m sorry to read this, it must be very difficult for you, now and it the past, does he also have dementia as this can go hand in hand with Parkinson’s, I have Dementia and a few of my friends who Dementia and have Parkinson’s and I know it can be very hard on the sufferer and family as well as those around him/her.

Please take care

Philip.

[RufusRuffcut123 in reply to Philip]

Very sorry to read all of this. But at the moment we are waiting to be seen by a specialist re: possible Parkinsons. My husband also has some short-term memory memory problems. I dont know what the future will hold. I suppose I should take things one day at a time.

[Thoms98 in reply to RufusRuffcut123]

Do take one day at a time.Parkinson's varies so much. Brian was diagnosed eventually, and it did not interfere a great deal with our life. Medication did help. He gave up all sports, golf and bowls because of balance, but we were still able to have holidays, mainly cruising. However he was in a car crash and left with mobility problems. We were very lucky that he survived and I am thankful for that. We both look back on the very happy times we enjoyed together. Must have a positive approach to the future.

[RufusRuffcut123 in reply to Thoms98]

Thank you Thoms98– I will bear all of what you had to say in mind. It is amazing what you h ave been through, and have a positive and loving attitude. I will post what the doctors say when we eventually find out. Many thanks!

[Thoms98 in reply to RufusRuffcut123]

I found the diagnosis very frustrating. There's not a solution and I felt very bereaved after some length time. I thought with my strength and support I could help Brian overcome this disease. It took some time for me to accept the situation. Brian has been very stoic and got on with it.

[sassy59]

Hello Thoms, how very difficult things must be for you and it’s good that you do have some help.

I agree with Philip and it would be an idea to have your husband tested for dementia.

How wonderful to have been married for 62 years and l send you and your husband best wishes. Take care xxxxx

[Hidden]

Hi there. First can I congratulate you on having been together for so many years. Marriage isn't at all easy and to survive all the ups and downs for so many years shows a real love story. And being a carer for 10 years is no mean feat either. Lots of people couldn't withstand that pressure, even though it's done through love and loyalty.

The problem is probably that he's depended on you for just about everything for a very long time now and he probably feels his lifeline has gone whenever you go out. Can you remember how you used to feel when mum went out when you were a small child? When mum was your everything and you couldn't survive without her? This is a similar thing as in this respect he's become like a child again. Some small practical things might help. It's an annoyance, but sticking to a stated time you'll be away can be helpful, so that if you say you'll be gone until 1pm, you return by 1pm at the latest. If you have a mobile phone and could manage to call him, say, once an hour, or get a friend or neighbour to do so when you can't, it might help to calm him. If he can manage to use a phone, and could call you, that would be great, but it can become a nuisance in your getting a respite from caring, as he might be inclined to overdo. There are special, simple mobile phones available now with just a few big buttons, so that you can call just a couple of people on, that he, and you, might feel comfortable with.

The key is to find a way that he does not feel abandoned when you are away, so company, contact and reassurance would probably be your best way forward.

[AliBee1]

Hi. Welcome. I too am a carer for my husband. When you go out could you arrange to have a sitter with him? We have a male sitter and he and my husband talk 'men' stuff which is good for him as he has very little male contact and takes his mind off me not being there. Although he always says that I am abandoning him when I go out and gets anxious if I am not home on time he is usually quite happy when I come home.

[Cas70]

Dear Thoms please take the advice of getting a “sitter” for your husband so that you can have a break. Married for 35 years I am in a very similar situation. It slowly wears you down - just a couple of hours away ( I go to see a film) will do you the world of good. Speak to the carers, your doctor or social services.

[Thoms98]

Thank you everyone for your support. I do belong to the Parkinson's society and various charity organisations plus my local W.I. I read about and contact various sources re Brian's needs. We see the Parkinson's nurse once a year. It is quite hard finding about support, particularly at this stage in life. In my working life there were various courses on offer, if information about a particular problem was required. I do have a network of friends and use my mobile.Parkinson's is an individual disease. Brian has nil mobility and wears calliper boots due to an inverted left foot