Caring for husband with dementia

[calista]

Hi.

Ive posted here before re my husbands dementia.

We are now both 75 so its not getting easier. I suffer from ibs too ...that doesnt help either

His memory is very bad now and he has got very quiet so we have little conversation as he loses train of thought.

So its kind of a lonely situation for me...his not remembering past times at all etc. even though I do have friends and I can go out for a while as he is safe enough at home at tv.

And I luckily have one son living nearby which is great but I try not to burden him too much.

He is fine with personal care so far and sleeps well so thats a plus.

I live in Ireland and wonder if any other Irish people read this forum .

I did have one or two people to chat with on the forum but they have dropped out.

They were from Wales I think and Scotland.

I would line to hear from people in similar situation maybe from Ireland ?

With thanks.

Calista.

[sassy59]

Things must be very difficult for you calista and I hope you can connect with others in a similar situation.

Sadly dementia affects so many these days. Sending good wishes to you. Xxxx

[calista in reply to sassy59]

Thank you for replying.

Yes I hope to hear from people in the same situation .

Thanks again

[Hidden]

Hi Calista,

I'm so sorry that you are now really beginning to feel the effects of your husband's dementia. It's such a heartbreak when your closest loved one gradually begins to become a stranger and it's true that it's very isolating and can be a very lonely place to be, as his carer.

Don't shut your son out through fear of being a nuisance. I know our offspring live busy, independent lives, but when you need help, physical or social, for yourself or your husband, do at least think of calling on him for support. And don't be afraid to let him know that you are struggling a bit with all of it. I find the more you talk, the more you are able to talk more, if you know what I mean. It's broaching the subject to begin with that's so difficult.

I'm glad you have friends too and I'd say to do what you are doing for as long as you possibly can, because a well and happy carer not only makes for a happier cared-for person, but makes you able to carry your burden that much more easily.

I don't currently have the care of anyone with dementia, and, when I did, it wasn't my husband. So I don't really fit the bill in terms of someone to compare notes with.

Hopefully someone in Ireland will come forward for you. But if at any time you are feeling isolated and lonely or just want to share your challenges with someone, do feel free to post again here or even send me a private message on this site. I'd be glad to hear from you and will do my best to help. I'm not living in Ireland and don't know it that well, but my dad was Irish and I do love Ireland with all my heart and visit as often as I am able. I can still sing Amhrán na bhFiann badly but with gusto, which my dear dad taught me many years ago!

Anyway, very best wishes, and I hope you find someone here you can chat to and share your experiences of caring.

[sassy59 in reply to Hidden]

Lovely caring reply Callendersgal ❤️

[Hidden in reply to sassy59]

Thanks sassy59! xx

[calista in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your lovely reply and good advice. I shall take it on board.

You are part Irish then !

Kerp singing the National Anthem !

Thanks again and hope you are well.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Calista,

Things must be difficult on times for you, I hope that you have some help with the caring of your husband.

Are there any caring people who live in Ireland who would like to post to Calista?

We are here Calista you can always be sure of a warm welcome on this community, keep sharing with us as we would love to continue posting with you.

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse & Moderator.

[Daisy55]

Hi Calista , my husband has progressive lung diseases , he does not have dementia , but since being very ill in hospital in 2017 , his communication and emotion are extremely limited . So I can completely understand how you feel , it does get very lonely .

I am not in Ireland , but if you wanted to write or email me regularly , that would be lovely . Having my penpals keep me going .

I am not sure how we contact each other privately, but please do if you can . xxx

[calista in reply to Daisy55]

Hi Daisy.

Thank you for your reply .

I saw from your profile that your husband is quite ill so that is very hard .

And then not communicating.

Physically my husband is quite good and is mobile. Its the memory . Then the frustration .

I mentioned Ireland in a way to see how others are doing with help with care etc.

Although I probably know a lot as locally I go to a carer group meeting once a month....care here is advertised but then when you look there is little available.

Probably a bit the same in the U.K.

I would like to email but I dont know how to private message either!

Maybe keep in touch a bit on the forum .

I think I saw that you have fibromyalgia.

Its so much harder when one isnt 100 per cent and trying to be patient.

I hope you do ok and thanks again for replying.

Best wishes .

[san_ray70]

I do sympathise calista, but why only Ireland? I am english and my mum has just passed away, she had dementia for aboutb the last 5years of her life. She would not go in a home or stay with my sister, who still works. In the end she lived with my sister for 6 months, then needed to go in a home. By that time she just needed a lot of help, and company. She was 95 last May and died in Sept. of this year.

[secrets22]

Its a tough call as I only know to well Calista,its very hard to have a semblance of real life,some days they can be easy and some days very difficult,i wish both you and your husband the best that can be.