My husband had AH last May 2021 and was hospitalised for a week and sent home with steroids and vit B and Thiamine meds. He also had a Fibroscan in Oct 2021 which was 14.6 (early Cirrhosis) but he has refused to stop drinking and still drinks 6-10 cans of beer a night. He has said he would rather have a shorter life being able to drink than to give up drink completely and live longer! This make me so sad and selfish of him as we have 2 children aged 12 and 16. I'm concerned as to how long he can continue with this before getting seriously ill or even worse?
Husband had Alcoholic Hepatitis but st... - British Liver Trust
Husband had Alcoholic Hepatitis but still drinking!
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MissS_Zebra9
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Hello, I am sorry to hear of your situation. I am sure our forum members will be along to share their experiences.
I have included a link to al-anon , a charity who supports those affected by another persons drinking.
You can also call our nurse led helpline on 0800 652 7330 Mon-Fri 10am-3pm.
Trust9
MissS_Zebra9 in reply to
Thank you so much
Trying to understand the alcohol mindset can be tricky at times. The use of alcohol can become so ingrained in our daily lives that we can’t imagine a life without it.
For some people, it becomes a daily routine. We see it all the time on TV soaps, the Queen Vic, Rovers Return, or the Woolpack. People finish work and call in the pub on their way home. They are drinking not necessarily because they want to, but because it’s now 6:00 pm and every day at this time they go to the pub. So, alcohol becomes such a big part of our social lifestyle. I often use this video to illustrate this. Please notice “Mary’s Story”: youtu.be/5k5nnsKgfpk
At this point, a person is drinking because they want to. It’s their choice. But, all too often a person lifestyle can change. The morning hangovers can start to become worse and the “Hair of the Dog” remedy can often be adopted. Here a person is simply topping up, and events can begin to spin out of control. Drink-driving or the loss of a job can often happen as people still fail to admit anything is wrong.
At this point, alcohol addiction becomes the issue, a person is no longer drinking because they want to, but because they have to. After a while, those drinking buddies distance themselves as no one likes to have a drunk as a friend. Alcohol in itself is a depressant. So a person may start to drink more to try and lift the gloom. That happy state becomes harder to reach and doesn't last for very long before that dark cloud of depression becomes even darker.
For some people, alcohol can seem like having a best friend, after all, it’s always there when we need it, and it tries to make us feel happy. We are taught at a young age that we need alcohol to steady our nerves. How many times do we see in films or on TV, when something bad happens, someone always says, “I need a drink”. So, alcohol becomes a form of self-medication.
Alcohol abuse becomes a mental condition. A person who drinks to blank out a traumatic experience is using alcohol as a form of self-medication. Understanding why a person needs to drink is the first step in the recovery process.
In your husband’s case, it does seem like he now has an addiction issue. He is no longer drinking because he wants to, but because he has to. This is not so much him being selfish, but his need to respond to the cravings.
Having said that, it would appear that he has no wish to want to stop and get help. Many people go through a period of denial and pretend that their drinking is under control. Getting them to admit they have a problem can be hard.
Alcohol-related liver disease is a horrible condition and his health will slowly deteriorate. There often comes a time when we just wish we’d fall asleep and never wake up. But sadly that rarely happens. It is a slow degenerative process, and it causes so much stress to others.
Your children may require some help and support as they are sadly like you, only victims in all of this. There is a charity called NACOA (National Association for Children of Alcoholics): nacoa.org.uk/ the NACOA hotline can be contacted at 08003583456 They offer support not just for children, but also teenagers and adults too. There is a video I like to use which illustrates the important work they do: youtu.be/ITcQJ8at3bI
When the liver reaches the end-stage liver disease stage, this is when the liver begins to struggle to function. Other conditions may begin to appear. However, this isn’t an exact science and some people develop certain conditions, while others don’t. So it’s hard to speculate as to what might happen.
Don’t give up, all is not lost. Many of us who have been in this predicament have gone on to experience what I like to call their “Wakeup Call” This is when some of the associated medical conditions begin to happen. I had a variceal bleed back in 2014 and this was my wake-up call. Varices is a condition where a person starts vomiting blood, or blood appears in their stools. This condition is a medical emergency. There are other associated conditions too. This is the moment when a person finally realises just how serious their condition has become. This is when the desire to want to live should kick in.
A person won’t ever stop drinking unless they truly want to. It has to be their decision. Blackmail won’t work, scare tactics won’t either. It has to be THEIR decision. But, when that moment comes, he’s going to need so much support and love to get through this. But it can be done. I’ve not had a drink since my wake-up call. I had a liver transplant in 2016, and I’ve not looked back.
There will be plenty of dark days to come, and no one would blame you for walking away. After all, you have your own health and that of your children to consider. This could impact upon both their mental wellbeing too.
There is a lovely lady on here who goes by the name of “Positive001” she’s been where you are now, and hopefully, she’ll be in touch.
Just hang-on in there, all is not lost. Try and remain positive.
Good Luck
Richard
Hi Richard. Thank you so much for your reply, I've read some of your responses on other posts and you have given such a wealth of advice and knowledge, really appreciate it.
Hi MissS. Sadly your husband is clearly in the grip of alcohol. It has the capeability of taking over the drinkers mind to the point that it becomes the only important thing in his life. No matter what you say to him, or how many times you say it, he is not going to change. Only he can make the decision to fight and fight damn hard to give up and never return to it. How he is feeling now, it's easier to carry on drinking than to try to battle with his addiction. So unless you want him out of your lives, be it a break up, which l know is so so hard, when you still love him but hate what alcohol has done to him,or choose to stand by him, pour all your energy into looking after yourself and your children and keep smiling and be happy with them. Let him be the one on the outside looking in on the happiness that is going on around him and what he will be missing out on if he continues to drink. Maybe the penny will drop before it's too late.
So sorry you are going through this. I know how bad it can get.
Take care. Laura x
You are absolutely right, i've done as much as i can in trying to make him realise but i just get abuse so my energy is now looking after the children and ensuring we are happy and healthy.
Hello Miss,, he has started playing a dangerous game because he feels alright now and he cannot see his liver to see the cirrhosis working its way to decompensated. Now when he reaches this level he will not be saying I'd rather live a shorter life. I'm 42 and April/may time last year I was told I had 1to 3 years to live. My first thoughts were "I've had a good life" then it kicked in.... chuffin hell I've been in agony for months and they are going to continue draining the ascites fluid from me 2/3 times a month, and still be in agony until I die. You see end of life liver disease doesn't just kill you on the spot it takes its time and it's like being painfully prodded in different places on the body. Then you realise that you are yellow all the time, your stomach starts to bloat, your liver creates ascites fluid and you look 9 months pregnant ever couple of weeks. Then you get drained every couple of weeks because the fluid is crushing all your organs (agony). To drain you they insert a long needle through your side into your stomach leaving about a foot of tube inside you, then you just lay there while about 10ltr of fluid drain out. You talk to the nurse and say I'll see you in 2 weeks. There are a lot more exciting things before you die. The horrible death lasts ages and is vengeful.
Good luck Danny
Thank you Danny for sharing your story and glad to hear you have turned things around, i just hope that that my husband will be able to see sense soon as well.
Tell him that I wrote that for him and not you and ask him to read it. If he won't or even take the advice then expect plenty of hospital visits. I feel for you Missy, some people can be nice while drinking. In your case get ready for HE starting. Good luck again Danny x
In all honesty i think HE has already started, not all the time just episodes where he is either unreasonable or doesn't remember things that i have told him 
I don't want to sound sympathetic but HE is a disease as is an addiction. Don't go easy on him but some of the things he says he won't mean and not even remember that he's said them. You need to see the consultant again, explain and get the medication required which is lactulose and rifleximin. Should clear his thoughts and hopefully give you a less snappy man.
I will see if i can speak with the consultant but at the moment its very difficult and the last appointment was via telephone which is not ideal. Did you have any other symptoms as he has a few things like sore feet, occasionally feeling a bit sick and feeling bloated but says this is due to wind (not the sore feet though :-), not sure if that's related to his liver problems?) I don't mean to pry, just not entirely sure what i should be looking out for. Thanks again for all your advice 
The feet problems are usually from liver disease, mine actually started with alcoholic hepatitis. I suffered with peripheral neuropathy (nerve damage) again no cure for that it only gets worse. Feeling sick is usually the acid building up. Constant alcohol and not enough food. Does he hide drinking because this does sound more than 6 to 10 cans. Are you sure there is no spirits involved?
Yes he does hide it so i am unsure as to the total amount he drinks daily, all i see is what he wants me to see so he leaves out a few cans to make me think he has cut down when i know he hasn't. As for spirits i dont think so but again couldn't be 100% sure
Wow Missy you have a battle on your hand. He needs to realise his problem and understand that the people who are writing these comments out of the goodness in their hearts are not lying and it will happen. Does he shout at the TV and argue with the people on it?
Yes he does. The sad thing is that the consultant has spelled out what is going to happen to him if he carries on, his friends have also tried to talk to him and so has his father. No one seems to be able to get through! I will be showing him your story though
Cheers...... I don't know if cheers is the right thing to say..., Feel free. If you go on my profile you need to go right to the bottom then see later posts (something like that).
My advice is to try get him to ready Danny's post. Then this bit:
He is not special, it won't spare him, he won't fight it. If he doesn't stop he will die an undignified death and won't even be able to have the alcohol he so enjoys to bring him comfort in the final weeks/months. He WILL then wish he had more time, but it will be too late.
Sorry if that comes across as cold but he needs a wake up call.
Thank you for your advise, he definitely needs a wake up call. I have to pick the right moment otherwise he will just brush it off and tell me i'm overreacting as he is in complete denial. The energy i've used in trying to get him to see sense has drained me but I'll keep trying.
Miss, I'm truly sorry to hear this. I'm at 18.7KPA and if I knew I was at the f3 level or even had his KPA I would have quit. Unfortunately I had very few signs. The ones I had I brushed off as something else. He has a chance to potentially reverse his Cirrhosis because he is barely in that category just based on the KPA and that just pains me to hear. I'm so very sorry but the power of addiction is extremely difficult to over come. As I believe Danny said, once he see's what a decompensated liver dishes out he will find it hard to continue drinking. I'm lucky in the sense that I stopped as soon as I heard I had damaged my liver and I had no idea to what extent. As far as how long it will take before he becomes pretty ill is anyone's guess. Since he is already in the f4 stage based on the KPA I assume it won't be long if he consistently drinks unfortunately. Once again I'm so sorry and I'm hoping he changes his mentality!
G.
Like you did, he is always brushing off any signs or symptoms. If i even mention that it might be the drink and try and give it a few days without it he gets angry and says that i am moaning about his drinking !
Yeah unfortunately I had dark urine (not terribly dark) and really tired but it was out of the ordinary. My wife kept telling me to go to the doctor because she believed something was wrong. Unfortunately when I went a few months later it was pretty much too late. Being told by a specialist that I'm lucky and will die very young if I keep drinking made me stop immediately. Haven't drank since last march. Most people with the disease from drinking don't find out until they are at the end. I found out close to the beginning so there is a very good chance I will live a very long time without a transplant as long as I don't drink or go crazy eating everything.
See if he will come here and read the posts. The disease is not a joke and it will kill you slowly if you don't eliminate the cause. Eliminating the cause (not drinking for him) is the only thing that will stop it from progressing. Danny has a chart somewhere that shows what he can expect with the different stages.
I was in a similar position to your husband and wouldn't listen to what others were saying to me about my drinking,eventually may 2019 I stopped,unfortunately it was too late as I was admitted to hospital with severe pain below ribs on right side,and blood in my urine,2days later I was rushed to Edinburgh Royal to the liver specialist and was told that cirrhosis was destroying my liver and was put on the transplant list,my daughters were told I had 6-8weeks to live if I don't get a transplant,thankfully on 27th July I received the gift of life,since my transplant I feel like a new man,never had a drink since May 2019 ,I can only wish your husband a better outcome than mine,he has to look at what will happen if he doesn't stop,and think about what he will lose if the cirrhosis takes hold of his liver,it's a really tough time for you and your family 👪 your husband can get help and if you want to ask me anything about his illness feel free,I will help you both in whatever way I can.
Oh gosh! Thank god you are ok now, just hope that my husband can see sense before its too late🙏
I’m sorry your having this experience, addiction is a beast. I had to get to the core of what I was escaping from to be able to stop. I was where your husband is now,I hope he can find the will to stop,it’s a hideous way to go. I wish you all the best.
Hiya maybe have a read of my posts (I think you can access them if you click on my username). My ex was diagnosed with hepatitis maybe 5 years ago (we've not been together for longer than that, so it could be less than that) and he's continued to drink. He's now got decompensated liver and is in and out of hospital with very little time left. He won't even see our children any more, so I'm working myself up to helping them cope with his death. Stark but true I'm afraid. He's 43..
I don't want to click like because there is nothing to like about what you have just wrote. I'm so sorry for the awful position he and his addiction has put you in.Bestest luck with everything 💌♥️
Danny x
Thank you Danny. I've read your story and just wish he could turn himself around like you clearly have. You should be so proud of yourself.
Thank you for the kind words...... I'm not proud of myself at all.I'm not like that. I happy to be here that's more me. Some of us addict's need a scare as a wake up call.
Thank you so much for your reply and sharing your experience. I too am trying to explain to the children that dad is not the same person as he used to be and im trying to keep a happy household for them. Only time will tell what happens next as i dont want them to witness all the horrible symptoms that may come if he doesn't give up the drink. Thinking of you x
Thinking of you too. I honestly couldn't have stayed with my ex and seen him in the state he must be in now. You are a better woman than I! I hope he appreciates you sticking by him and trying to support him. I've seen some inspiring stories here of people absolutely turning their lives around and I hope for you and your children that your husband can do the same.
Don't do yourself down for leaving your partner. Every story and situation is individual and each person deals with it in the best way the can with what confronts them. There's no right or wrong way. You did what was right for you, l did what l felt was best for me and my children too. I hope you have found a better way to live now and don't ever feel guilty for the choices you have made.
Very best wishes to you.
Laura x
Thank you Laura, I hadn't seen your reply before now. I have to be honest and say I'm proud of leaving rather than feeling bad. He wasn't (isn't) a very nice man even without drink so I had to leave to show my children that you don't have to put up with bad treatment, there is always a choice.
Hi MissS,
I'm sorry you are in this situation - it's a nightmare but it can (and will!) get worse if he doesn't stop drinking.
My husband was in the same situation as your husband (although keeping me in the dark) and didn't stop drinking until his liver just gave up. I think it took him about 7-8 months of heavy drinking to go from early cirrhosis to live failure. He needed emergency alcohol detox this summer and was hospitalised for two weeks. He is better now but our life is like a rollercoaster and all this had a huge effect on our relationship and also on my health.
Yes, his life with alcohol will be short, but it won't be the life he knows and expects - he'll be in agony when his liver gives up and will be putting you and your children through hell. When the disease progresses he probably won't be able to work and look after himself, so you'll have to be prepared to be the only adult in the family - a mother, a breadwinner, a carer...
I hope he'll realise he needs help and will find the strength to give up drinking before it's too late. Also, don't forget to look after yourself! x
So very true 😞 x
Again I don't want to click like because there is nothing to like about your situation.Alcohol in a nutshell is vile (I'm allowed to say this now) It not only changes the personality of the person drinking it also changes the people around them as well. You have to be a very lovely person indeed to be able to put up with all this going on. Making sure it doesn't turn you into the same sort of argumentive person as a drinker, when your problems are caused by his actions. I have to say though not every drinker with a addiction is nasty and argumentative, some are the ones that develop all the horrible symptoms of cirrhosis and everyone has to stop their lives around and help with the partially disabled person. I feel for you betular and hope you get some relief at some point very soon. All the best Danny x
So true Danny.
Thank you so much for sharing with me. I feel like its a ticking timebomb waiting for something to happen. I'm trying not to dwell on it too much as i will make myself ill otherwise and cant afford for that to happen with 2 kids so i'll keep staying happy and positive for them xx
Hi there,So my husband has decompensated cirrhosis, it’s a hard road, some days are harder than others.
I work full time, doing my level 3 in care and I’ve taken on full responsibility of running the house, getting husband to all his appointments, he has loads.
Trust me, he, nor you want to go down this road. But he has to own this, and trust me nothing you say or do will make him stop unless he wants to. It’s taken my husband a long time to accept that it’s the alcohol that has done serious, irreversible damage.
The arguments we had surrounding his drinking were awful, every special occasion ruined, Christmas every year was pure hell, and an excuse to remain drunk for weeks on end.
His personality changed, his behaviour was inappropriate at best and downright disrespectful and disgusting at times.
I couldn’t get through how unhealthy his relationship with alcohol was and I always said something serious would happen before he would quit. I at this point had really had enough, stepped back and let him get on with it.
That something serious did happen in June 2020, he started vomiting blood, paramedics called twice, first time he refused to go in, 2nd time he did, he had a blood transfusion and was given 9 units of blood.
Endoscopy revealed a varices bleed, he was then transferred to ICU with aspiration pneumonia. He also had post op delirium, that was horrendous, and the hospital applied for a DOLs. They detoxed him in hospital and he hasn’t touched a drop since - 19 months.
In total he was in hospital for 3 1/2 weeks. Roll on to feb 2021 another hospital stay again bleeding varices and again he had a transfusion with 7 units of blood.
He was diagnosed in April 2021, with decompensated cirrhosis.
He has chronic HE, mood changes, reverse sleep pattern, and he sleeps a lot, feels very unwell most of the time, he is also jaundiced,if he cuts himself he bleeds excessively, he has a vile taste in his mouth also, swelling of his feet and legs is also common and affects his mobility, he also has sugar crashes as the liver is unable to store the energy his body needs and he has lost muscle mass extensively.
He was referred by his liver team to have a transplant assessment because his liver has started to fail, he was admitted as an inpatient in Nov and underwent all manner of tests, but because of his health in general and other underlying issues, he was declined to be added to the list.
So that’s, that!
No idea what the future holds, but it’s not looking great, but we keep going forward and fighting.
Please feel free to read or show him this post, liver disease is awful and I really wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
And please make sure you take time out for yourself, you need it. This forum is an invaluable source of information and support.
I wish you and your husband all the best and I hope he can stop drinking before it’s too late.
Take care x
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