Sorry but this is going to be a long one, as I need your support today, I think it is all getting to me and you guys are always telling me to look after myself as well.
He has been drinking heavily again the last two days, from having just 2 or 3 cans of cider a day, he had 6 on Friday and 8 yesterday. Both days he was helping our neighbour in his garden. Hubby could not sleep and was chatting in his asleep again last night which he has not done for a couple of weeks now. At 3am hubby muttered about not being able to sleep, even though he had tried to get half pissed last night to try and help him sleep.
Yesterday he picked up his new prescription medications Rifaximin, Lactulose & Spironolactone. He took his first doses at lunchtime yesterday, but then in the afternoon had an upset stomach? Could this have been the Lactulose? Plus Hubby barely eats, so does not create much waste. Or could it have been where hubby has upped his alcohol consumption the day before? Hubby is blaming the Lactulose and says he is not taking anymore of that.
Hubby is still not sleeping and has not been for months now.
Hubby's neuropathy is all over the place too and he has been complaining of discomfort in his feet again over the past few days.
Hubby is always short of breath and his Ascites has given him a swollen tummy. He has discomfort in his stomach too.
Hubby's memory is shot. Since lockdown in March 2020 hubby has been stuck indoors bored, so has taken over doing some household chores, ie dishwasher, washing machine and tumble dryer. However what would take me 5 minutes, takes hubby hours. As he starts a job, gets distracted, then started another job and then the cycle starts all over again. So within half an hour all the jobs are half started. Hubby also goes to get something from another room and then forgets what he went to get. Hubby and I have been laughing about this, but I know its not funny and probably means he definitely has Hepatic Encephalopathy now as well.
Our house move is imminent (potentially 3rd march) and hubby is looking forward to being closer to his girls but is also absolutely dreading it. He is moaning at me all the time. The house that he picked and fell in love with and pressured me to buy as quickly as possible is now the house he is calling his coffin. he now says it was me that liked it and not him. He says that I am forcing him to move and he does not want to. He is moaning about the area the house is in now, whereas he loved it before. He is moaning about the work that we need to do on the new house, whereas before he was up for doing loads and I was having to rail him back with his plans.
On top of all this we are in the middle of some confidential family stuff too, that is adding pressure, that we really don't need at the moment.
People ask me how I am and I say I am fine, but I am not at the moment. I comfort eat when things are getting me down. I am at my all time heaviest and feel very uncomfortable and my jeans don't fit. I am not as active as normal due to covid and packing up the house ready to move. I have been feeling low, which really isn't like me at all. I feel that it is all on my shoulders at the moment, which I normally thrive on. People are always telling me they don't know how I do all of the stuff that I do.
Then of course you have Covid and lockdown, which means that the family and friends, who would ordinarily be around to support us and not able to come and help us. Hubby had his Covid Vaccine last week and I have mine this week coming. I guess my asthma has put me up the list, as I am only 51?
Hubby has more blood tests booked for next week, as his GP wants to check his levels after being on the new medications for a week or so.
Hubby is going to get fitted with a 24hr ECG 10/3/2021. If you remember hubby had some blackouts and got referred to an Elderly care specialist who specialises in trips and falls. He said that he did not want to just assume that the blackouts were due to hubby's lifestyle choices, so was going to arrange an ecg to check out his heart. Hubby then has a tel appt with the specialist in May 2021 to discuss the results.
Then hubby has a Hepatology review in July
The alcohol addiction counsellor's want hubby to join a Microsoft teams group on Monday. Hubby missed it last week due to his heavy drinking last Sunday. Hubby is also a technophobe, so is very unsure about how to use online devices. I am going to try and persuade him to join in tmrw, but not sure if he will or he wont. Hoping they will phone him again this week
In the past people have suggested that I leave hubby or kick him out. I have been with hubby since I was 17 and I do not think I am at that point yet. There have been days when I have considered it though. I also know that my daughters would take their dad in, as he has no where else to go and I cannot let that happen. My girls are all just starting out on their lives and I could not burden them with their dad and his drinking. So that is not an option i am willing to take. At the end of the day the vows said in sickness and in health and my hubby is very sick. Plus like I have mentioned before I know the guy I married is still in there somewhere, although on some days it is very hard to see
Not sure what hubby is going to do now with his drinking? Not sure if he has definitely fallen off of the so called wagon or whether he will get his head back around it again today or tmrw? If he starts drinking again, then I know his liver will not take much more. When I asked the specialist in Jan roughly how long he would have left if he did not stop drinking the specialist said it was very hard to answer, as everyone is different but about 2 years?
We are off to our support bubble today to see our 4mth old grandson, so that will perk us both up